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Old 07-21-2018, 02:34 PM
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tealheron11 tealheron11 is offline
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Default Wishing I had more poly friends

I wasn't sure if this should be posted here, or in the relationships section but here goes.

Sometimes it can feel so isolating to be struggling with the emotions and experiences of poly and not have people to confide in who "get it," or understand. On the one hand, I am lucky enough to have really supportive close friends who I *can* talk to and who are there for me. I don't want to minimize my gratitude toward their role. I would say there are 3-4 different close girlfriends that I can talk to who listen, show interest, and empathize. Thing is, they are mono and mono-programmed, and pretty much also 100% take my side (which at times feels good, ha) but it's hard because they haven't experienced these things, and can't always be non-biased.

Where we live, there is not a presence in the community of poly people (at least none that I have come across). There are poly folks, sure, and we have met some of them. The best experience I ever had was going to the loving more conference in colorado in 2017 and meeting the community there. We networked and even made a few friends, one of which was initially a love interest for my husband but has since become my friend. But she is in colorado, and although we keep in touch, it's sporadic. (Side note: I am visiting her next week, thank god!!). In any case, we have met a few poly couples "as friends" and have had dinner with them or played games, but didn't bond with them in an emotional intimacy kind of way. My husband really only has his GF to talk to about poly stuff, we have each other, and I have my bF (who is mono, creating a whole different can of worms). As you can imagine, this gets messy. It's just so hard to find people to talk to who "get it."

I hope this changes for me... I recently got a job out of state in washington, and will be closer to (though not in) seattle, where it seems like there is a solid poly presence. I have tried to network online through facebook groups and such, but it just doesn't resonate or I feel like people are just focused on flirting and dating instead of talking about things and really building friendships. If I am going to continue to do this, I need a support system outside my husband and long-distance friend(s) who I rarely talk to or see.

If anyone else has been here, feel free to comment. I am going through a lot right now and wish I had some buddies to talk to!!
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Old 07-21-2018, 03:05 PM
JasonJones JasonJones is offline
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Well I can feel your pain about small poly groups. I live right smack dab in the bible thumping south, not really a place to be poly. The in person meetup group was friendly, and the few people that were at the meeting I got along with pretty well, but it seemed like they get sporadic attendance. While they show a bunch of people in the meetup group, not many attend. Only one friend knows about me and the lifestyle, but she is long distance. No family or friends know. So I feel your pain. Talking through poly things IRL is just me, wife and if I am with someone, that other person. This forum has helped me a lot though so I don't mind hanging out here and expressing an opinion or a thought. Hang in there. If you're ever looking for an opinion or need to chat feel free to message.

-Jay
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Old 07-21-2018, 04:16 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I'm sure you'll do much better near Seattle. You can find poly meetup groups through the website Fetlife.

I live near Boston, and my entire state is more or less progressive. I also happen to be kinky and queer. So I've got plenty of ... alternative friends of one kind or another. It's nice to not have to explain yourself, but just get encouragement from others in similar situations.

But this board has been a lifeline for me for many years as well. Blogging here helps me too, to just get my thoughts and emotions out, vent about disappointments and hurts, celebrate when good things happen.
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Old 07-22-2018, 04:29 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Hi teal,

It sounds like you could use some more poly friends. I hope you'll find some, the Seattle area is definitely poly friendly so you'll probably be able to find some there. You can google "Seattle polyamory" to get started, also http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups is a good resource.

I know it's not the same, but I hope it helps to discuss things on this forum, you can get some good advice and feedback here. However I can help just let me know, you can PM me if you want.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 08-01-2018, 02:18 PM
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tealheron11 tealheron11 is offline
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Thanks for all the support, guys!!
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