seeker2020
New member
Hello everyone,
I am a divorced male in my late-30s. I've been in a relationship for almost three years, and up to recently I shared a household with my GF...well, she is now my ex-GF We recently tried Poly and a week later she freaked out, had a meltdown, broke up with me and actually moved out of the house. Yes...it was that intense...
This is the story:
Before I met my GF I had a close friendship with a married woman who was 16 years older than me. She was an important presence in my life when I was going through a divorce, providing much emotional and spiritual support during a very dark period in my life.
This friend has been happily married for many years and has some sort of an open relationship with her husband. In fact, she is the one that first introduced me the concept of Poly. Before that I had never even heard the word to be honest.
Although there was attraction between us, we never pursued a romantic/physical level...mostly because of me. I just didn't feel comfortable being more intimate with a married woman - even though she clarified several times she had her husband's blessing. For a long time the whole thing felt weird to me. But we remained good friends with the occasional flirt here and there
Some years later I met my GF (also late 30s and also divorced). Although I told her about my friend, I did not share that my friend had introduced me to Poly. I was not Poly anyway, my GF was not Poly for sure, and I figured I did not need to burden her with this concept that I didn't even fully understand myself. My GF was also a very jealous person.
But something interesting started happening inside of me. As my relationship with my GF started growing and getting stronger, my feelings for my friend also started getting stronger - even though she lived in a different state. And for the first time in my life I experienced that it is quite possible to love more than one person at the same time. I felt no conflict in my heart, which led me to believe I was - perhaps - Poly oriented. I opened my heart to my GF and explained what was happening inside of me. I also provided her with affirmation about my love for her. My GF was never too crazy about my friendship with this woman, but she tolerated it because she knew it was an important relationship in my life.
Not too long ago my friend called me and stated she was traveling and had a one hour layover at a nearby airport. Because I had not seen her in a long time I asked my GF if I could go see her for a few mins. I also asked my GF for permission to kiss my friend - since I felt in my heart I would want to kiss her before she flew out of town.
My GF actually agreed to it. But I would have NOT proceeded had she disagreed with my request. When I came back home that evening from the airport, my GF was having a hard time with the whole thing. As we talked about the experience, However, we ended up having the most amazing sex ever. There was an incredible surge of sexual energy, and every night for a week we were more connected than ever before.
At the end of that week my GF went to see her fam out of town. The first few days when she was with her fam everything was fine. We were calling each other, texting, missing each other, etc. But one night she called with a melt down and broke up with me. She said she had shared the whole thing with her entire family. She was angry and had stated she had regretted the whole thing. She also said she would move out when she returned back home.
And she did. I am exceedingly heart broken now, confused, angry and a million other feelings. I am not hopeful that we will get back together. She has a lot of pressure from her family who is very conservative.
Is it normal for a partner to freak out like this when they try Poly in a relationship? How have you managed a partner's intense response to trying Poly for the first time?
Sorry for the long post. But I wanted to provide as many details as possible in order to facilitate the flow of thoughts.
Thanks,
I am a divorced male in my late-30s. I've been in a relationship for almost three years, and up to recently I shared a household with my GF...well, she is now my ex-GF We recently tried Poly and a week later she freaked out, had a meltdown, broke up with me and actually moved out of the house. Yes...it was that intense...
This is the story:
Before I met my GF I had a close friendship with a married woman who was 16 years older than me. She was an important presence in my life when I was going through a divorce, providing much emotional and spiritual support during a very dark period in my life.
This friend has been happily married for many years and has some sort of an open relationship with her husband. In fact, she is the one that first introduced me the concept of Poly. Before that I had never even heard the word to be honest.
Although there was attraction between us, we never pursued a romantic/physical level...mostly because of me. I just didn't feel comfortable being more intimate with a married woman - even though she clarified several times she had her husband's blessing. For a long time the whole thing felt weird to me. But we remained good friends with the occasional flirt here and there
Some years later I met my GF (also late 30s and also divorced). Although I told her about my friend, I did not share that my friend had introduced me to Poly. I was not Poly anyway, my GF was not Poly for sure, and I figured I did not need to burden her with this concept that I didn't even fully understand myself. My GF was also a very jealous person.
But something interesting started happening inside of me. As my relationship with my GF started growing and getting stronger, my feelings for my friend also started getting stronger - even though she lived in a different state. And for the first time in my life I experienced that it is quite possible to love more than one person at the same time. I felt no conflict in my heart, which led me to believe I was - perhaps - Poly oriented. I opened my heart to my GF and explained what was happening inside of me. I also provided her with affirmation about my love for her. My GF was never too crazy about my friendship with this woman, but she tolerated it because she knew it was an important relationship in my life.
Not too long ago my friend called me and stated she was traveling and had a one hour layover at a nearby airport. Because I had not seen her in a long time I asked my GF if I could go see her for a few mins. I also asked my GF for permission to kiss my friend - since I felt in my heart I would want to kiss her before she flew out of town.
My GF actually agreed to it. But I would have NOT proceeded had she disagreed with my request. When I came back home that evening from the airport, my GF was having a hard time with the whole thing. As we talked about the experience, However, we ended up having the most amazing sex ever. There was an incredible surge of sexual energy, and every night for a week we were more connected than ever before.
At the end of that week my GF went to see her fam out of town. The first few days when she was with her fam everything was fine. We were calling each other, texting, missing each other, etc. But one night she called with a melt down and broke up with me. She said she had shared the whole thing with her entire family. She was angry and had stated she had regretted the whole thing. She also said she would move out when she returned back home.
And she did. I am exceedingly heart broken now, confused, angry and a million other feelings. I am not hopeful that we will get back together. She has a lot of pressure from her family who is very conservative.
Is it normal for a partner to freak out like this when they try Poly in a relationship? How have you managed a partner's intense response to trying Poly for the first time?
Sorry for the long post. But I wanted to provide as many details as possible in order to facilitate the flow of thoughts.
Thanks,
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