Looking ahead - St Valentines Day

Maybe we could skip that day this year?
That would certainly make my life simpler!
I'm so not up to another fucked up Valentine's Day. I'd MUCH MUCH prefer to just skip it and have a normal day without a bunch of fucking drama.
 
why do they have Valentine's day at this time of year anyway... like really, most of the time no one is up for it. Everyone is moody and sullen due to the winter blues... at least up here in Canada. The last thing most people want to do is express their love for others when they would rather curl up in a ball and continue hibernating.
 
So, since I've never really dated anyone, I started getting apprehensive when Valentine's day began to loom in the near future. My senior year of high school, a platonic male friend of mine and myself went on pretend date to the local corner store and had hot dogs. It was fun. But I digress. Because O doesn't really keep track of time, dates, holidays, anniversaries of any kind, he doesn't usually think to talk about it beforehand. Dates (meaning memorials and anniversaries/holidays) are very important to me. Our relationship is somewhat ambiguous. We don't use the boyfriend/girlfriend label since A isn't okay with that. On the other hand, we're definitely more than friends with benefits. Then there's the fact that we don't have sex (A, again). We don't celebrate anniversaries. We spend a lot of time together and we're emotionally close. I am mostly ok with the setup but I'd be lying if I said I was totally ok with it. I respect it because I really value being with O and I'd rather put up with the red tape than not be with him at all. We would like for things to be able to go further but A is simply not comfortable. I figured that they would have plans for V-Day (which they do) and we are a Vee so I don't really want in on those. But I knew that I definitely wanted us (O and I) to do something. So, tonight I finally worked up the courage to ask him if we might be able to do something for Valentine's day. I hated that I even had to ask. I wish sometimes that I was in a relationship where I could assume that they would do something for me for V-Day. It's not like I want someone to buy me a fucking pony and a rose garden. Just to be able to celebrate what we feel together. I explained how I wasn't sure what I should expect given how he's not really my boyfriend but he's not just a friend either. He said that he thought a date (just the two of us) would be pushing it (likely from A's perspective). He asked me to think of what I wanted to do/have. And I just felt at a loss for anything. He'd suggested flowers and chocolate but I mean I'm having blood sugar issues so why the hell do I want chocolate....and I mean, it's kind of cliche. And I'm a quality time person so I immediately thought of getting to spend some time alone. I didn't immediately jump to 'date.' But it would be nice. I'm kind of ranting but I could use some thoughtful advice and suggestions for what you might do. I mean, he did say he'd do something, but I still feel incredibly shitty and uncertain about what to think. Blargh. I wish that valentine's day didn't matter to me. But it seems that it does.
 
What about asking him to write you a letter telling you what you mean to him and why?

I mean-it sort of sounds silly when I write it-but of every gift I've ever gotten, the ones that have meant the most, were letters telling me just how much I mean to the other person and why............
 
What about asking him to write you a letter telling you what you mean to him and why?

I mean-it sort of sounds silly when I write it-but of every gift I've ever gotten, the ones that have meant the most, were letters telling me just how much I mean to the other person and why............

My thoughts, exactly!

Also, if you're not able to celebrate that day, why not make the day before or after your day together? I know it's not the same as doing things the day of, but it might be better than whatever compromise (if any) you'd have for the actual day.
 
We never celebrate Christmas on December 25th. Because of the "mine, his, ours" status with the kids, it was common for the "mine/his" children to be at their other parents home.
So we just made a deal a year into our relationship to celebrate a week later, then told the other parent they could always have their kid on Christmas.

Don't see why you can't pick another "Valentine's Day" date for yourselves. ;)
 
Ray,
I sounds to me like what you really want is to clear up the ambiguity in your relationship. I'd bet if things were more clearly defined, or the dynamic was more aligned with what you wanted, getting that kind of Valentine's Day acknowledgment wouldn't be as important to you. What I got from reading your post is that you have some dissatisfaction with your situation. Perhaps that is what needs to be addressed, much much more than what symbolic gesture will make you feel better about it.
 
i am thinking of getting my ladies a pair of "matching" license plates for the fron of their cars. betty boop on one side with tinkerbell on the other side. i'll put baby doll on the wifes plate and princess on the girl friends. nothing over the top
 
We never celebrate Christmas on December 25th. Because of the "mine, his, ours" status with the kids, it was common for the "mine/his" children to be at their other parents home.
So we just made a deal a year into our relationship to celebrate a week later, then told the other parent they could always have their kid on Christmas.

What a wonderful compromise. I see way too many parents and even grandparents get pissy, because they don't get their kids on a specific Holiday.
 
Weekend Get Away

My husband and I usually find a weekend in Feb to send the kids to grandma and take a weekend trip. Nothing fancy, just a simple hotel in a nearby city or up in the mountains. We sleep in, go out to eat, do a little shopping and maybe see a movie. No stress, no fancy gifts or expectations. Mostly it's about having time to reconnect. And, actually the Valentine's tie-in is not really intentional. We do it around that time because he gets his bonus from work in Feb. Just works out nicely that way! This year, since there are four of us now, we are including our other loves in our weekend getaway. Can't wait!
 
Last Valentine's Day worked out perfectly because it was on the weekend - very easy to work time in with each of my guys. We're not big on going overboard with cards and gifts, just spending time with each other as usual. I do, however, insist on making heart shaped pancakes :p
I believe I did most of the planning last year, so I've let them take the reigns this year and decide what they'd like to do. I think hubby wants to have dinner on the Sunday evening before and my bf wants to go to horror movie event on the Monday... :eek: Whatever makes em happy ;)
 
Ray,
I sounds to me like what you really want is to clear up the ambiguity in your relationship. I'd bet if things were more clearly defined, or the dynamic was more aligned with what you wanted, getting that kind of Valentine's Day acknowledgment wouldn't be as important to you. What I got from reading your post is that you have some dissatisfaction with your situation. Perhaps that is what needs to be addressed, much much more than what symbolic gesture will make you feel better about it.

Totally agree. VDAY is just the manifestation of a larger issue. I haven't quite figured out what to do about all that yet. Some conversations have been needing to happen for awhile now. Hopefully we'll get things straightened out soon. Just to clarify, I'm open to doing things on days other than the 14th. The issue was more the fact that he said that we wouldn't be able to go on a date period. Since A isn't comfortable with that. But thanks for the suggestions. I'm sure we'll figure something out. :)
 
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