I recently started dating a guy(Jaye) online(yes, I am gay), and right off the bat he explained that he was already married, but that he and his husband(Troy) were looking for a third. I said I would give it some thought, and in the meantime get to know them both better. I've since fallen for Jaye completely, he is so sweet and caring; and Troy and I are a Lot alike, we share many of the same interest and hobbies, I've grown attached to him as well.
Sorry if I ramble, I have a tenancy to do that when I am nervous, and in the interest of full disclosure I think it may help.
I have only ever dated one guy(Adam) before, another guy I met online, and quickly after meeting him I realized our relationship would be rocky: he was bipolar, easily upset and would get jealous over nothing(not calling him often enough for example). I gave him six months to woo me, which turned into a year, then 18 months....and by the end of it I just wanted it to end, he was so possessive, suspicious and I felt like I was walking on egg shells around him all the time. I ended it by telling him we could only ever be friends, and he hasn't spoken to me since.
Its been well over a year since then, and I've been looking for friends and maybe something more when I met Jaye a month ago. At first when he told me what he was looking for, I was wary, but after a month of getting to know him and Troy, that initial sense of wary is almost completely gone(save for one .... rather large bit I will explain later).
I've always been a fairly closed person(my friends in high school described me as "shields up all the time," mainly because they didn't know I was gay and that my high school was Very homophobic) and in a way, I grew comfortable that way; then I met Adam. It was like a the jar had been opened and emotions and feelings I had bottled up for so long were released and it felt amazing; and then our relationship started to fall apart and my "shields went up again."
I've since moved away from that repressive environment(2,000 miles away, from Michigan to California) and tried to express those emotions again, but the result was....disappointing and discouraging; there was just no one there whom I could open up to without feeling embarrassed or holding back. Even with talking to other guys, even going out with one, that embarrassment is still there, that fear of opening too much was still there.
I don't feel any of that when talking to either Jaye or Troy, in fact, when talking to them, I am more open than I even was with Adam, its like together, they can see into my heart, and can caress my fears and insecurities. I really, Really love them.
What they are looking for isn't an occasional third in bed or some one I would date exclusively while the other dates him as well(described as a V from what I've read), they want a full Third partner, someone they can share in everything with; completely monogamous between the three of us.
Now onto the rather large problem... If they lived down the street or across town, I would be there with them now, and likely wouldn't be here at all.... but they live in Louisiana, and they want to stay there. My concern is that moving across the country(again) would strain the somewhat tried relationship I have with my family. In moving to California, I cut ties with my mom's side(and good riddance too....they wanted to send me to a gay camp in Haiti), and moved in with my father. Now moving again, I am not sure of what the fallout would be, even if there would be any at all.
I currently have no job, so I could get one there if needed, but school is something that worries me greatly; my father has been amazing, more than amazing, paying for me to go to a local community college for 2 years now, and I haven't exactly been perfect in my appreciation. If I uproots and leave, especially for 2 guys(he is very traditional, but open minded: two gay kids and one who is dating a guy in D.C.), I am worried what that might do to him; but on the flip side, I am fairly sure I can work, and work Well with Jaye and Troy in La., and it would give me something I feel I have always lacked: an ability to contribute in taking care of myself and others.
Jaye and Troy have asked me to visit in September for 2 weeks, so we can get to know each other deeper and what exactly our relationship would be like. They have made it clear no strings are attached, and I am resolved that I want to visit them, but it is what happens afterwards that concerns me.
Be honest, be brutal even, in your responses. The reason I ask here is because if I asked in most other places, I would likely get the "dating Two guys.....wtf?" response and all that would result is wasted time. So, thank you in advance for your help.
Sorry if I ramble, I have a tenancy to do that when I am nervous, and in the interest of full disclosure I think it may help.
I have only ever dated one guy(Adam) before, another guy I met online, and quickly after meeting him I realized our relationship would be rocky: he was bipolar, easily upset and would get jealous over nothing(not calling him often enough for example). I gave him six months to woo me, which turned into a year, then 18 months....and by the end of it I just wanted it to end, he was so possessive, suspicious and I felt like I was walking on egg shells around him all the time. I ended it by telling him we could only ever be friends, and he hasn't spoken to me since.
Its been well over a year since then, and I've been looking for friends and maybe something more when I met Jaye a month ago. At first when he told me what he was looking for, I was wary, but after a month of getting to know him and Troy, that initial sense of wary is almost completely gone(save for one .... rather large bit I will explain later).
I've always been a fairly closed person(my friends in high school described me as "shields up all the time," mainly because they didn't know I was gay and that my high school was Very homophobic) and in a way, I grew comfortable that way; then I met Adam. It was like a the jar had been opened and emotions and feelings I had bottled up for so long were released and it felt amazing; and then our relationship started to fall apart and my "shields went up again."
I've since moved away from that repressive environment(2,000 miles away, from Michigan to California) and tried to express those emotions again, but the result was....disappointing and discouraging; there was just no one there whom I could open up to without feeling embarrassed or holding back. Even with talking to other guys, even going out with one, that embarrassment is still there, that fear of opening too much was still there.
I don't feel any of that when talking to either Jaye or Troy, in fact, when talking to them, I am more open than I even was with Adam, its like together, they can see into my heart, and can caress my fears and insecurities. I really, Really love them.
What they are looking for isn't an occasional third in bed or some one I would date exclusively while the other dates him as well(described as a V from what I've read), they want a full Third partner, someone they can share in everything with; completely monogamous between the three of us.
Now onto the rather large problem... If they lived down the street or across town, I would be there with them now, and likely wouldn't be here at all.... but they live in Louisiana, and they want to stay there. My concern is that moving across the country(again) would strain the somewhat tried relationship I have with my family. In moving to California, I cut ties with my mom's side(and good riddance too....they wanted to send me to a gay camp in Haiti), and moved in with my father. Now moving again, I am not sure of what the fallout would be, even if there would be any at all.
I currently have no job, so I could get one there if needed, but school is something that worries me greatly; my father has been amazing, more than amazing, paying for me to go to a local community college for 2 years now, and I haven't exactly been perfect in my appreciation. If I uproots and leave, especially for 2 guys(he is very traditional, but open minded: two gay kids and one who is dating a guy in D.C.), I am worried what that might do to him; but on the flip side, I am fairly sure I can work, and work Well with Jaye and Troy in La., and it would give me something I feel I have always lacked: an ability to contribute in taking care of myself and others.
Jaye and Troy have asked me to visit in September for 2 weeks, so we can get to know each other deeper and what exactly our relationship would be like. They have made it clear no strings are attached, and I am resolved that I want to visit them, but it is what happens afterwards that concerns me.
Be honest, be brutal even, in your responses. The reason I ask here is because if I asked in most other places, I would likely get the "dating Two guys.....wtf?" response and all that would result is wasted time. So, thank you in advance for your help.