Blogging, blogging, blogging.

Turned in rental application. Now the waiting game for approval
 
Again I'll have bunches of updates once on a regular computer and not my phone (long posts on that suck). But my big stuff seems to happen when I'm not hear a computer for a couple of days.
 
Update time.

Woodsmith has been doing some studying for tests as well as hunting so he's been busy with that.

The night of the 21st I met SB, KB, NT, and SP for dinner at Red Robin. The waitress we had was really awesome and also didn't ask questions (or seem weirded out by SB sitting/cuddling with me while he and KB were on the same tab). Afterwards this group of 5 (what KB was calling the poly family) went to meet up with 5 others (extended poly family) to watch Catching Fire (9 pm showing).

Friday went to physical therapy. Found out while there that I am bone on bone with both knees, have nerve damage of some sort (can't feel everything that touches me), and have degenerative disk disorder. So going to try and slow down some problems, reverse others, and make the rest livable. Then went to my parent's for some yummy shrimp scampi, a movie on a horse, and then sleep.

Saturday went shopping with my mom. She got my Christmas presents (two pinup dresses and a pinup skirt) and I bought a lot of other Christmas presents (have only three more to get). Afterwards joined up with SB, KB, NT, and SP at a Unitarian church because KB was participating in a panel for 7th-9th graders on various types of sexuality, gender, and relationships. After that we went to a play party/Cards Against Humanity party. There, under SB's eyes and with him spotting, I got to experience fire spray and fire glove massage. He and I then played a little with flash cotton, white rain moose, and he experimented with dry ice slushy (dry ice with alcohol) and fire. I went back to their place afterwards.

Sunday spent most of the day hanging out with KB. SB had to be at work at 7 and NT and SP were sleeping for much longer than KB and I. She and I got to talk a lot about our visions of poly, our dreams for a poly family, and even our dreams for how we wish to mix work and being homemakers. SB and I later had a talk when the two of us started getting really hot and heavy and to the point of sex that the last few relationships he's been in since KB have been very physical and not much else. But he doesn't want to have that with me, that he wants this to have a deeper meaning and last.

Still waiting to hear from the place with the rental application. If I don't hear by Wednesday morning,going to give them a call.
 
Yesterday I feel more in love with a store. LUSH. I've loved their products since I used them but yesterday I realized that they are just awesome all in all.

Go in. Salesperson asks what I'm looking for. "A Christmas present for my boyfriend's wife". Not an eye was blinked, she just asked what she would like.
 
Got approved for the new place. Just need to figure out with Woodsmith when he decides to wake up when to sign and move.

Only downside is Seven and Lamian had known we were looking and planning to move. But she stopped getting her unemployment so they still need us to pay half the rent for the month of December. Then we also need to pay security deposit and first month rent for the new place.

Going to be around $1200 for this month.
 
Do you have a lease with Lamian and Seven? Just because Lamian is no longer collecting unemployment does not mean you are responsible for paying for December if it's not in the lease. Their financial problems are not your financial problems.

I'm glad to hear you're meeting new people. The new crowd seems really nice. Be careful about getting too entangled with them too fast, though!
 
They don't even have a lease. They are paying month to month for their place. I think I'd be less irritated about paying some if they were fine with us only paying half of what we normally do because we could be there till mid December.

There is definitely some NRE, and not just on mine and SB's end. KB I think has excitement from her compersion.

SB and I should be having our first real date (as opposed to spending time at a party or his place when other partners or metamours are around) Thursday.
 
Ugh, I hope I get to sign this lease Wed. and move Sat.

Apparently someone in my house seems to think moving on is replacing them. You know instead of actually being in a healthy spot and able to live my life again.

Must let his negativity run off my back. I'm in a good place. I have Woodsmith (which that relationship went back to good once the break up drama ended), SB, new kitties coming, a new home, and a lot of performing. His mood cannot dissolve my happiness.
 
Seven needs to get over himself. Instead of, say, being a whiny self-centered baby.

Fingers crossed that things work out for you, Cattiva! Good things seem to be happening.
 
Thanks Meera. And I agree. Like I said, I need to not let his negativity affect me.
 
Lease to be signed Wednesday and move Saturday. Both Lamian and Seven have been bitchy about this whole thing, can't wait to more or less be out of their life.
 
Yay! I'm so happy you're getting out soon. Good for you!

I,ve spent all day off and on reading your blog. You've come a long way and deserve some good, healthy happiness in your life. Forget those two. As previously stated, you do what you have to do. Seven and Lamian need to do what they have to do and either take what jobs or extra income they can find, or get a new roommate. Remember, they've frequently showed you how little they were concerned with you. You don't owe them anything but good wishes. You owe yourself a life. You go, girl!
 
Today: going to hang out with KB and SP at a discussion on sociopathy.
Tomorrow: Woodsmith and I sign lease and start bringing over boxes.
Thursday: first official date with SB. All I know is chocolate will be involved and to dress nice.
Friday: spend day moving boxes.
Saturday: big move day and show that night.
Sunday: unpack boxes starts.
 
Yay! So much good stuff.
 
So I know I may be crazy but I've written a note to leave Seven after Woodsmith and I move in the mail slot. There are too many social circles we cross so there needs to be civil abilities.
 
Decided against leaving the note. Writing it was just cathartic for me. And I know I can be civil when our paths crossed and if Seven is unable to do the same that will only speak on him, not me. But I wanted to share the note for you all.

Seven,

I know you may not read this, but I knew you wouldn’t read anything else.
When I look back on our relationship (particularly now with eyes that aren’t wearing rose colored glasses) there were multiple times both of us should have probably broken up with the other. We didn’t, it happens.

I never thought of you as a bad boyfriend, even at the end. Sure, at the end I didn’t think of you as a good boyfriend. But I just thought of you as a person who made very poor choices. And as I looked back I realized I made poor ones as well in regards to you.

Probably the two things that were our biggest downfall were regarding time and my standing on my own. As I hope you can tell by now, standing on my own is not something that was difficult for me. You may try to attribute it to the fact that I have a new relationship but I got that new relationship because I was standing on my own. I started planting the seeds of who I was and my strength a few weeks after the break up with you. I wasn’t at full strength but I was coming into my own. And the reason that wasn’t hard was because I’ve been in that position since January at the latest. But with you it was never shown because you needed the person to lean on you, so I gave that. But time probably made everything that had cracks becoming the gaping holes that are practically impossible to cross now.

You may say I was demanding if that makes you feel better about how things went in our relationship. But in honesty all I did were state my needs and what I was lacking in our relationship. That’s actually good relationship information. And you would always tell me that that would happen. I don’t believe you were trying to lie to me. I think a part of you may have wanted that and early on did believe it could happen (because really, just asking for one day a week that neither were working isn’t a lot). I think the problem became when you realized it couldn’t (rather from you not wanting it, or it just not being practically possible) instead of saying so, you continued to say that it could happen. I’ll be honest, I would have ended the relationship then, once I knew that. I don’t know if that was part of the reason you never told me, but that’s not important. And yes, I got upset when it didn’t. Here was a need that had a promise to be met and wasn’t.

I understand from Lamian my note on hating pushed you over the edge to becoming that wanting to cause me violence feeling that you had. I guess part of that is because you really didn’t pay attention to the words and instead felt it was an attack on you. What that was, was the acknowledgement of my lack of strength when with you. I so wanted things to work out between us that every time an event happened that I should have walked away from our relationship, I didn’t. So yes I hated myself. Each time in retrospect because I wasn’t taking care of myself. The actions you did may have placed me in those positions but it was my inaction that I hated. I didn’t blame you, I blamed myself because I wasn’t using my strength.

I also know you feel I replaced you (or at least you did). But I didn’t. Moving on with life makes that impossible. I didn’t start a relationship to block out any thoughts of you or the relationship I had with you. Hell, in fact our relationship made me put up so many blockades and boundaries to try and prevent myself from getting into one. At first because I didn’t feel ready and then after I was because I didn’t want to shove anything in your face (hence why I rarely talked about it if you were home, he never came around, and any postings I made in regards to our relationship on Fet or FB were after you unfriended me on both). I will say I learned a lot from my relationship with you. Both in what I want from a partner and what I want from a metamour. And I thank you for that. Being with you will make me a better person for him. And a better person for Woodsmith. In fact in regards to Woodsmith, our relationship has gotten better since you and I fell apart.

At my core, I’m not demanding and I’m not an emotional black hole. At your core, you aren’t a liar or someone with sociopathic tendencies. But together we were. Both to each other and to others around us that we cared about. Would we and they have been better if we realized these issues earlier? Probably, but you can’t change the past, only learn and move on from it.
I realized, probably around the time of the horror movie party, that we won’t have a friendship again. Your desire to have that scorched earth policy and just wipe everything away would make it impossible. But even if that wasn’t the case I’m tired of trying. Cause I did try, but putting forth effort for someone who doesn’t give anything back is exhausting and draining. And I don’t need that in my life. If you ever feel like you can provide that you’ll know how to find me. All I ask and hope for now is civility. Our paths intersect too much because of our social circles. The performer world, ren faire, burner events (I’ll still you the space for the meet and greets, I don’t go to things like Interfuse or Artica or the dream of burning man for the connection to the people, but the spiritual connection for myself), and other are places our social circles will collide. I don’t want drama there so like I said, I all ask for is civility. If that entails ignoring my presence, that’s fine.

I wish you luck on your journey. I hope with Lamian and everyone else that crosses your life you find joy with them. Because at your core, you are good and do deserve it.
 
Date was awesome. Show went really well (even with a wardrobe malfunction). Moving going nicely. No internet or tv at home until Friday so no updates (unless something major) till then.
 
Have internet again.

Thursday went to my first public play party with SB, KB, NT, and SP. Learned a few things. A public play party at a strip club has too much going on for me to enjoy myself. Play, strippers, an annoying MC... just too much.

Ended up getting somewhat grounded when we walked away from the play area (just to get away from part of the overflow). Also felt that I would probably be okay having service to think on when there but would be unable to play.

Friday I was supposed to perform but my orthopedist decided I needed my first cortisone shot in each knee. So instead Woodsmith and I went to the munch that night. Got to see a lot of people.

Picked out a sectional that Woodsmith's parents are going to get and then KB and NT came over to see the place and meet the new kittens (Kisses and Marilynn).

Tomorrow Woodsmith and I are going over to hang out with SB, KB, NT, and SP and watch American Horror Story.

Hoping to get another date in with SB before the holidays and talk about the negotiations on establishing our power exchange aspect of the relationship. And maybe all of us figure out when we want to exchange Christmas presents.
 
Yesterday was the first day Woodsmith got to actually hang out with SB, KB, NT, and SP outside of a munch setting all together (since the day before KB and NT came over). It went really well. So YAY.
 
Yay for new relationships going well! And I'm so glad for you that you guys moved out of that toxic home.

Cheers to new beginnings :)
 
Back
Top