Hello, my wife and I are pretty new at poly and somehow found ourselves a unicorn, we met a couple whom we both have fallen for, I like him, he likes me, the ladies like each other and the pairing is just perfect. The have 2 kids, we have 2 kids that get along amazingly and basically I could not ever expect to find a better set up than this.
Here is the problem, I grew up where my dad was a cheater and they got divorced and my stepdad was a 1950s stereotype where he is the man and my mom was there to serve him and he was pretty controlling (thankfully, never physically). Therefore I have grown up in a jealous, selfish world and I want to kick this so very bad. I knew going into this that there might be jealousy issues and there have, but I have faced each of them and come out better for it but I am having one issue where I am at a loss.
I don't WANT to share her, we have both fallen for our other partners and neither of us want them out of our lives at all, and being perfectly honest I am SO glad he makes her happy and that they fit so well. I know this is selfish and I don't want to feel this way but I can't seem to address this like the jealousy and move on, and I so badly want to.
No, I don't expect you all to give me an answer but any thoughts on the subject would be very helpful, maybe give me some perspective. I am reading "The Polyamorous Handbook" as well as searching the net but while I can find tons of stuff on jealousy not too much about selfishness. Thanks for any advice on this!
Here is the problem, I grew up where my dad was a cheater and they got divorced and my stepdad was a 1950s stereotype where he is the man and my mom was there to serve him and he was pretty controlling (thankfully, never physically). Therefore I have grown up in a jealous, selfish world and I want to kick this so very bad. I knew going into this that there might be jealousy issues and there have, but I have faced each of them and come out better for it but I am having one issue where I am at a loss.
I don't WANT to share her, we have both fallen for our other partners and neither of us want them out of our lives at all, and being perfectly honest I am SO glad he makes her happy and that they fit so well. I know this is selfish and I don't want to feel this way but I can't seem to address this like the jealousy and move on, and I so badly want to.
No, I don't expect you all to give me an answer but any thoughts on the subject would be very helpful, maybe give me some perspective. I am reading "The Polyamorous Handbook" as well as searching the net but while I can find tons of stuff on jealousy not too much about selfishness. Thanks for any advice on this!