fadinglight
New member
Here's the situation:
My partner and I have always been poly, from the get-go. Both of us are rather reserved though, for different reasons, so we hadn't actually had many partners outside our relationship.
We moved from our old social groups and spent several years basically uninterested in other partners, just the two of us, so I often considered us "theoretically poly" and rarely brought the fact that we are poly up in mixed company.
So, it was much to my pleasant surprise when a friend of mine that I met in our current place of residence expressed a romantic interest in me, he is poly, and that I found myself reciprocating.
Of course, he didn't tell me this - it was his partner who did and I thought we needed to have a face-to-face conversation. We met for food and it basically turned into a date. So, I was like "Yay!" and giddy with NRE.
Later, I find out they had been fighting about me. And they continued fighting for a month. To be fair, his partner has had an extremely stressful time and so I've been trying to be very respectful of her feelings - especially since he's done some dumb things (like not communicate completely to her).
I actually hung out with her, and we've gone to dinner together (the four of us). We get along fine.
He and I went on a couple more dates and we usually chat online extensively.
However, he's basically been AWOL for the past two weeks and I feel somewhat... neglected. And I feel bad for feeling this way because our relationship isn't a "relationship" yet. We've kissed, and that's pretty much it. I don't feel like I am entitled to anything, but being basically ignored is kind of hurting. My mono-but-extremely-accepting friend thinks that I AM entitled to something and that there is some commitment to a relationship there - but I'm not so sure. Right now, with him AWOL, it doesn't even feel like we're friends.
So, basically, I'm in a liminal state and it's frustrating, and I would LIKE to be able to have some entitlement to his time but I'm also extremely aware that his partner has had a rough year and she really needs the emotional support right now - and that we haven't even had any sort of real conversation about defining the relationship or my needs.
Some people can do liminal relationships, I'm not one of them.
I know that the solution is to have a conversation, preferably face-to-face, but he hasn't replied to my texts. I feel powerless.
My partner and I have always been poly, from the get-go. Both of us are rather reserved though, for different reasons, so we hadn't actually had many partners outside our relationship.
We moved from our old social groups and spent several years basically uninterested in other partners, just the two of us, so I often considered us "theoretically poly" and rarely brought the fact that we are poly up in mixed company.
So, it was much to my pleasant surprise when a friend of mine that I met in our current place of residence expressed a romantic interest in me, he is poly, and that I found myself reciprocating.
Of course, he didn't tell me this - it was his partner who did and I thought we needed to have a face-to-face conversation. We met for food and it basically turned into a date. So, I was like "Yay!" and giddy with NRE.
Later, I find out they had been fighting about me. And they continued fighting for a month. To be fair, his partner has had an extremely stressful time and so I've been trying to be very respectful of her feelings - especially since he's done some dumb things (like not communicate completely to her).
I actually hung out with her, and we've gone to dinner together (the four of us). We get along fine.
He and I went on a couple more dates and we usually chat online extensively.
However, he's basically been AWOL for the past two weeks and I feel somewhat... neglected. And I feel bad for feeling this way because our relationship isn't a "relationship" yet. We've kissed, and that's pretty much it. I don't feel like I am entitled to anything, but being basically ignored is kind of hurting. My mono-but-extremely-accepting friend thinks that I AM entitled to something and that there is some commitment to a relationship there - but I'm not so sure. Right now, with him AWOL, it doesn't even feel like we're friends.
So, basically, I'm in a liminal state and it's frustrating, and I would LIKE to be able to have some entitlement to his time but I'm also extremely aware that his partner has had a rough year and she really needs the emotional support right now - and that we haven't even had any sort of real conversation about defining the relationship or my needs.
Some people can do liminal relationships, I'm not one of them.
I know that the solution is to have a conversation, preferably face-to-face, but he hasn't replied to my texts. I feel powerless.