Unicorn Weight and closet struggles

Taylorchec

New member
I have had the desire to be poly for some time now but haven't found a way to "get in". But I have entered the Kink and swinger scene and I really like it so far it has freed me sexually as a Bi-sexual slut. For the first time in my life I have found a reason to love being a women.

I have become a bit of a Unicorn, the man who I went with to swinger parties was a play partner both of us are exhibitionist and huge sluts so swinging makes a ton of sense. Ones couples found out that he was not my boyfriend or husband they took interest in me as a Unicorn and I liked the attention I still do and in many cases its working i love three-ways but being the third party out who has no one to go home to and share my excitement with is starting to weigh on me. and seeing these couples so happy that they can share each other with me is making me a weird kind of jealous.

I guess I'm just feeling how single I am. Really I just want to share this here so I have people to talk to about whats going on in my weird life as a solo poly girl or as a Unicorn struggling with being in the closet.

being In the closet is really what is getting difficult for me I hate that i still slut shame myself sometimes and lake a support system.
 
Hi Taylorchec,

You sound like a slightly different person now compared to a previous post of yours in in December. You had previously expressed happiness with your situation as being a secondary without the need for closer attachment and in your first post, seemed to express that you felt smothered by too much attention from one couple. Was there a defining moment that changed this for you in the last 4 months or was it an accumulation of many moments of watching primary couples basking in their primariness and loving their ability to share you that is making you feel... is it unloved? Or have I got the wrong word?

I wonder if your primary couples are treating you with the respect and care that you deserve or if they are unconsciously exerting couple privelege. I'm sure you've come across the article before, but I wonder if you feel whether you are in a position to bring the issues up with your partners? You listed being in a the closet as something that is really difficult for you. Is this something your partners can help you address by bringing you to events and introducing them to their families? Or is coming out more of something to do with you and not necessarily to do with the couples you date?

Good luck. You're a rare person who brings happiness to others' lives and you deserve some happiness too.
 
My girlfriend identifies as Solo Poly. In a nutshell, that means that she is her own primary. But, she is very involved with my family, having come on vacations with us, spending some serious time, we also get alone time, just the two of us. She also dates other people.

So I echo the questions raised above and add; how much involvement are you truly seeking in the relationships you enter?
 
Hi Taylorchec,

It sounds like you're looking for something longer-lasting than a one-off threesome? Have you tried OKCupid? Are there any local poly groups in your area? Just trying to think of any ideas that might help. Your situation seems to be stressful; I'm sorry about that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
To Shaya,
I still am happy to be a secondary and have no desire to be closer to any of my current partners I like the dynamic that I have with each of them. there was a defining moment with one couple, he said to his partner some very loving words because he was so happy to have his first threesome, I liked being a part of that moment but It did make me want a moment like that myself.

Amac
I agree with your girlfriend's identity of being her own primary, that is how I feel, and its kind of an explanation, at least to myself of why i have no desire to be closer to my current partners.

Overall I think what I want is someone i could introduce to my family without coming out of the closet. A Primary who i could talk to about my situations with my partners. being in the closet from my friends is also what's really bugging me, my roommate for example is traditional and wouldn't understand, she is also my best friend. I have told her that I am seeing a Married man and she accepted that but i can tell she disproves and that's only one partner, she knows i go on a lot of dates but i have to watch what i say about these dates and it's getting harder to keep the lies in order.

KDT
I think there some events but they seem exclusive and fleeting. there was a poly meetup last summer but they only held cuddle parties and then disbanded due to lack of interest, witch yea as a newbie i have no interest in cuddling with strangers. there might be a few BBQ's im the summer that I am waiting for them to start up.

sorry my writing is all over the place I have ADD lol.
 
Well, I'm happy to say we are here for you. I don't know what area of the country (or WHAT country, for that matter) you are in, but it seems like around my area there is a very strong swinger community, but other poly people are few and far between. We have been to many swinging events and I cannot tell you how many people are surprised at the poly sphere and the fact that we are in that kind of relationship comes as a complete shock (despite the fact that everyone in the room is there to have sex with other people, wth....)
 
I have a big swinger community here too Amec and the swingers are always thrown off by my situation, occasionally they get it but sometimes there confused and i do find that funny. It makes it really awkward for me as a secondary to my swinging partner, I guess ill call him, because I don't want people to think I'm his girlfriend when he has a girlfriend who he loves at home. and I would hate to get in the way of anyone's relationships in any way.

and thank you everyone for getting back to me a really appreciate it.
 
Hi Taylorchec,

It sounds like you would like to experience a primary relationship of your own. I'm certainly no expert in this and I believe any of the couples you're in a relationship with will probably know better, but I think I see two options.

Option 1:
Primary relationships involve a lot of time and effort. Think of the dedication that a couple need to give each other in a good long term monogamous relationship and that might be a guideline to how much time and effort you need to put in. While love might be infinite, time is not. Every couple you date is really 2 (or arguably 3) extra relationships you have to juggle. Do you have enough time to devote to a new, potentially primary relationship after juggling your 4 or 6 or 9 current relationships? How badly do you want a primary relationship and how much time are you willing to invest in one?

Option 2:
Have you considered coprimary? Some couples who feel particularly close to you may, after many months or a few years, feel comfortable enough to "elevate" your relationship status to coprimary. Will this work for you?

I'd like to end with a disclaimer that I have never successfully practised polyamory, so please take my advice with a pinch of salt and ignore anything I say that makes no sense. All your current partners and anyone else on this forum have more experienced than I do, but I still hope a third person's insight like mine is able to help clear your mind a little, Taylorchec.

Good luck,
Shaya.
 
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