Attempt number two at a poly framework

Heaviersyrup

New member
After many years of struggling to reconcile monogamy with multiple sexual attractions and desire for more close relationships in general, I entered my first poly relationship 3 years ago.

That relationship started out feeling very secure, but because of expectations related to that partner having a child without a dad in the picture, and because we were living together, and because of general lack of time made for balanced communication, that relationship deteriorated- first as I tried to have a second relationship with several nights together, and then on its own weaknesses. There were inherent problems with the second relationship: chiefly that she was 'trying ' poly and wasn't very comfortable with the concept, and that she needed a lot of welcoming from the first partner who is rather socially awkward sometimes.

More systemically, there didn't seem to be time for the depth of connecton that was needed on either side. I'm seeing a few people now, waiting on the slo-mo moveout of partner number one, and redoubling my commitment to not live with a partner who doesn't have other space available- logistics seem to make feelings harder to see clearly.

I'm struggling to figure out how to develop multiple relationships with people who are all busy with others- and reach a satisfying level of intimacy (or realize we won't) in a reasonable period of time. Having multiple relationships seems to slow down the getting to know you process so much... I'm hoping to learn more about how others navigate all this- and strengthen their own identity and confidence along the way.
 
Greetings Heaviersyrup,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have met some road blocks along the way, hopefully Polyamory.com can help you find the way through to a happy poly experience.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Satisfying

for me a satisfying level of intimacy would be if someone can trust me and share vulnerable things, and actually listen if I'm doing the same. Reasonable amount of time? maybe a few months? maybe a few months? it could be longer if things seem to be moving that way.
 
Welcome to the forum Heaviersyrup - I've only been here a few months and am equally new to poly. I have found most folks here to be friendly and helpful - with lots of sound advice - so I will leave it to the more seasoned veterans to offer their advice. You might want to post specific requests for advice in the "Poly Relations Corner" section - lots of activity there.

Again - welcome and good luck on your poly journey! Al
 
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