NRE (New Relationship Energy) - Merged Threads, General Discussion

Liked your comment Redpepper! I can see why Mono is so enamored. But, you're so un-American up there in BC, not driven by the all consuming American need to have more of everything...and new, new, new, lol. Funny but my wife is just like you. I've had to beg her to go shopping sometimes to get something for herself that she really needs or just plain wants. She's just not material at all.

With regards to your comment on quality. I think you hit the nail right on the head. These two women in my life are two of the finest quality individuals I have ever known. Hence, I have told them both many times how I don't want to finish out my last 30 or 40 years on this planet without them both in my life. I hope we can keep on going for the gold!
 
One of the problems with NRE is it leads to NRECD :) - the 'come-down' when the rush wears off - which can feel like a 'let-down', and so can lead to rejecting the thing/person who 'disappointed' you and going off looking for something/one new to NRE with.

Personally, it was only a couple of years ago that I realised that for most of my life, I had been in love with falling in love - in a way, the people were secondary to the experience itself.
 
very good point yoxi. I think that just like buying something new, some people enjoy obtaining new relationships in the same way. I think that might be why some people enjoy an open relationship. There is no need or expectation to go very deeply into caring about someone if you are under the definition of open.

I think the relationship that just ended for me was more an open relationship to the man I was with. I started a thread that was about this relationship ending....."emotions and their role in poly." He never said he wanted depth.... just friends with benefits. This proves to not work so well for me. At some point I need a depth and a transition into something long term with that... I don't think this man ever has reached the depth that I require. I doubt sometimes a lot of people have.... it makes me said, but I suppose it is their chose.

One night stands are the same way too really. Our friends who are new to poly recently had a one night stand with another couple who were much younger than them.... they were on top of the world about it.... was this a form of NRE about being sexy and horny and masturbating on another persons body? perhaps? I don't think they will see them again... but I have lived enough to know that it is a similar energy created in a new relationship.
 
Redpepper, you and yoxi hit the nail on the head. And it sounds like you too are discovering more than ever that you require that certain depth to your relationships that people who just want to be "open" don't. They just want to be "open". Big difference. And surely, some NRE does wear off over time with any new partner, or spouse or car for that matter. But there should be enough "energy" left for us to carry on with that person, rather than to just drop them like an old car, the moment we are no longer totally infatuated. NRE needs to be more than just "infatuation".
 
In looking at NRE I had to determine what was the key factor that constitutes that energy for me. I don’t feel it was love, passion, sex or communication…those are stronger than ever! For me it was visions of the future.

I had that feeling like this would never change and the future we want could not be denied because we love each other so much. I felt that I could overcome my differing approach to sexuality and intimate relationships by the sheer force of my love. This was my NRE.

I know things aren’t as simple or cast in stone. I know this will not be the same forever. I have come out of my “future” NRE. It took me weeks to realize what was happening. I was obsessed with debating things in my mind. I actually practiced what I would say to re-shape our relationship..I practiced what I would say to explain withdrawing my intimate love and worked on not losing the best and most trusted friend I have ever known. Eventually, with help from her husband's advice through her, I found a working approach. I live in the moment, only concerned with loving her as much as I can in every second and helping her family grow in any way I can. I think realistically now, and try to approach our relationship in a way that will be in both our best interests….for now it is living in the moment.

There is a huge adventure ahead of us in this life. My head is held high, eyes open and I am prepared to work at holding on to what we have…. but my head is no longer in the clouds. It is back on earth where the work is.

I love her boundlessly, without equal and with everything I have. I have learned from my NRE and now just need to focus on giving her as much love as she can handle:)
 
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I suppose we would be in this stage.... Although I have known and loved them both for nearly 4 years, after our love rekindled (not quite the right word, as it never died out, but I suppose, came back together) I was again on this emotional high. I talk about them incessently to anyone I am 'out' to and who will listen. My cube at work is covered with pictures of them and our family (20, I counted). I send them messages and little love notes pretty well every day. When I was there I wanted nothing more than to be around them constantly. Never to lose out on a moment when I knew the moments were counting down.
I can see how it can be extended with a long distance relationship. I don't think there's a relationship out there thats more long distance than ours. The waiting and longing and needing just draws everything out longer. Delayed gratification. Finally the feeling of being with that person (or those people) is so amazing and gives you such a high... I can defenately see it lasting longer.
As this new stage in our life begins (my moving out there, and lol I have known them both a long time and have been in their home so no worries here about the unknown and dangerous issues you were speaking about earlier) we will have to see how this goes...
There is defenately that 'depth' between us... as not only am I infatuated with them both (obviously I am) but am truely in love with them as well..knowing them and loving them individually for who they are... a perk of an online start of a relationship is you really get to know the person very well... I can see us all three, old and grey still together and loving one another wholly..
 
As this new stage in our life begins (my moving out there, and lol I have known them both a long time and have been in their home so no worries here about the unknown and dangerous issues you were speaking about earlier) we will have to see how this goes...
There is defenately that 'depth' between us... as not only am I infatuated with them both (obviously I am) but am truely in love with them as well..knowing them and loving them individually for who they are... a perk of an online start of a relationship is you really get to know the person very well... I can see us all three, old and grey still together and loving one another wholly..

I agree will all that you said.. But I dont plan to ever go grey thankyouverymuch. :p
 
I agree will all that you said.. But I dont plan to ever go grey thankyouverymuch. :p

lol ok ok... you don't have to! hehe how 'bout... watching the grandkids play in the yard? hehe better?
 
After a major break through I am happy to announce I am once again in a state of overwhelming NRE:D
Only this time it includes being able to look into the future with calm certainty...I love Repepper more and more every day...but now I do it without fear of loving her too much...she is a gift that I will always cherish.:)
 
Oh my the love on here is so bright! It's great!

I think NRE can come with every stage of a relationship. I feel NRE for the new stage I am in with Mono too. It's NRE for a more grown up version of what we had. I remember telling him about how much I love my husband and that it could be like that between us. He didn't get it at the time and was concerned that our love would die out and I would get bored with him. How can I possibly get bored or run out of love when the communication abounds complete with radical honesty and with keeping our goals in mind. NRE seems to continue to come around for me as long as those goals are similar and nothing gets left unsaid.
 
He didn't get it at the time and was concerned that our love would die out and I would get bored with him. How can I possibly get bored or run out of love when the communication abounds complete with radical honesty and with keeping our goals in mind. NRE seems to continue to come around for me as long as those goals are similar and nothing gets left unsaid.

I get it now, Lilo:D
Expect lots of communication!
 
What a week! NRE and pNRE

Macbeth and I have had a wonderful, emotionally intense week that sets my head spinning to think about it, and the ground we've covered. In our reading, we have seen it stated again and again that opening the conversation about poly provides opportunities for candor that had never existed before. Because of our closeness and increased intimacy, I felt able to share some shameful behaviors in my past that I had kept from him. This was painful and emotional, but powerful and has brought us closer. I also felt able to share some of the patterns in our relationship that had been hurtful to me.

I have been dating a good friend, although physical has not progressed beyond kissing. I considered halting that relationship completely until Macbeth and I had the opportunity to work through the uncovered potential issues in our own relationship. I also didn't want to miss out on a wonderful opportunity with the bf, who is truly mono...

Then...Macbeth started to have some pNRE (pre new relationship energy) as he identified a couple of prospects, and this led us to both feel more comfortable in my building attachment with the bf, although I decided for myself to make no physical progression until all three of us felt comfortable. The bf has expressed fears that his friendly caring will turn into love and that he wouldn't be able to handle that within the current arrangement. So we've all three decided to slow things down and just absolutely enjoy our time. The bf and I are enjoying long conversations, jogging, holding hands, and kissing which has been wonderful. The first time Macbeth called him my "boyfriend" I had a surge of joy.

Can I say, this is all very fun and wonderful, and also emotionally intense and exhausting? However, I've never felt more alive.
 
This is great to hear!!

I love your ability to impose a healthy pace in the growth of your relationship although it is so easy to get caught up in NRE.
Keep your boyfriend talking and sharing every thought..if he is truly mono, he will probably go through phases similar to me as he becomes closer to you. Keep him talking and enjoy your love! :D
 
How wonderful!

Enjoy it all!
 
"...pNRE...." I love it!
 
Sounds as if things are going well! :)
 
Yes, things are indeed going well. We've both increased our level of comfort, both with where things are, and where they are going, and in expressing our feelings and needs about that.

Since we're practicing a hierarchical form of poly, there have been a lot of things to work through, and we're doing that. We understand that we may be in different places, and that's okay. I'll be pursuing some personal growth opportunities to help, specifically getting into therapy. Better understanding my own needs, and working on issues with both attachment and individuation will only make things better.

I was having some serious issues with the NRE, as LM stated, and making some proactive interactions really helped me to understand what she was experience. She described it at the pre-NRE, which I think is a great way to think about it. I've kind of been thinking about it in a geekier scientific way, as NRpE, or New Relationship potential Energy. Potential new relationships, but also the concept of potential energy. It hasn't been realized, but it's there and I can see how it could play out in action. It's when one or the other of us gets into Kinetic energy that the next stage of feelings will kick in . . .;)

Truly though, we've never been closer or more connected at any point in nearly 17 years together. I've been embracing those counter-intuitive notions that seem to be part and parcel to this way of thinking. You have to let go to get closer. It's pretty powerful, and I've definitely gone through periods of euphoric giddiness . . . I've also cried more in the last two weeks than I have in my 37 years on this planet. And that's good.

I could go on and on and on, but I'll stop for now. I'm excited for the connections that LM is building, and excited for the connections that may work for me. We'll definitely keep you posted!
 
Wow! you guys are great!

This totally harks of my beginnings with Mono. The crying, the joy, the feeling I got when I could call him my boyfriend. Most of all the immense shift that continues to occur. My relationship with my husband has never been better, although we had some trying moments where I thought that we were done. All that garbage that doesn't get dealt with in a long marriage sometimes came out and was on the table, now it's been recycled into goodness! I am so glad you are taking the time and space as I really feel/think there is no other way to get to a place of comfort and stability without that. As much as the excitement makes us think it's a good idea to jump right in.

I'm very happy for you.
 
New pNRE

All excited for Macbeth! He's shy about dating sites, but last night joined OkCupid and has had a great response. Of course, I think he is hot and sexy in all ways, physically and personality. He has a little less self-confidence, so seeing him get winks and messages within the hour of joining has me very excited for him and for us.

We had an interesting conversation yesterday about jealousy. He has been experiencing some jealousy and envy related to my bf, even though we have not progressed past the kissing phase. Because of my desire to take things slowly and not have the "green monster" create too many difficulties, I have felt confident in enjoying the added intimacy with the bf without adding much in the way of sexual expression. Macbeth expressed some concerns that I am NOT having jealousy related to his prospects, as if my lack of jealousy meant something problematic...I don't feel so but it has provided plenty of open conversation. I expressed that his concern regarding this sometimes led to me wanting to SAY I was jealous when I am not. Of course, because of our commitment to 100% open communication, I told him I would not speak of jealousy that doesn't exist.

The wonderful thing is that now the Macbeth is enjoying his pNRE, I am feeling so much more free to enjoy my NRE although still want to take it slow. Having others find Macbeth sexy and alluring makes me find him even more sexy and alluring.
 
Everything she said. Actually had a great chat with someone on OKCupid today, and I think I may be able to say I'm actually experiencing the NRE without the p.

That doesn't sound quite right . . . ;)
 
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