Empath2018LV
New member
I am at what I hope to be the end of a multi-year relationship with a Narcissistic Poly man. I had always been in mono relationships but intellectually understood the desire to have experiences beyond one relationship. Meeting this man was a chance to have a new experience and learn about myself. At our first meeting he set down the relationship rules, boundaries and logistical expectations. I thought “what the heck?” but went along with it thinking direct honestly was refreshing. Long story short, I always felt as though I was part of a harem. He felt the need to tell me about is current and past girlfriends all under the guise of being honest. I expressed my discomfort and was told I was being weak and not open minded. If I wasn’t dating numerous others at any given time I wasn’t poly and was too vanilla. This went on for years. Although I had no problem with him having other relationships I didn’t want them to be part of our relationship. I made it clear that I wanted to be a priority at least sometimes, he told me that all his lovers were equal and that my request would never happen and that I had agreed to this so I had to deal with it. I always felt like I was in a relationship with so many different people it drove me crazy. I’ve always been secure with myself but can honestly say I NEVER got anything I needed from the relationship. I realize there is a reason I let it happen and didn’t take control, I am still working on that. It was a learning experience and a failure. After years of unfulfilling time together we finally broke up. Why did it take so long, I know I should have seen the signs and bolted. It was hard, but I got over it.
Six months later he contacted me and wanted back. I said I’ve meet him to consider. We started seeing each other again and now I know that I must go through the dis-attachment again. In our first intimate meeting he proceeded to tell me about how he just broke up with a GF that he met in my home town. A place that he knew was important to me and that he would have had to make an effort to select as a place to meeting someone to date. Because he was still visiting the area and had broken up with her “did I want to visit with him?” Am I crazy or is this completely insensitive and moving right back into old patterns of abuse?
He has told me I need therapy and that it’s all my fault. Intellectually I know this isn’t the case. I know that what he is doing probably isn’t true poly. I understand non-monogamy and honestly don’t think I had a problem with it. But I still wanted to feel special and as though my feelings were being considered. This was not the case. I was made to feel weak and little and riddled with jealousy. I just wanted to be in a relationship with someone that was thoughtful, respected my feelings, and let me be myself without thinking that wasn’t good enough. Am I the crazy one?
Six months later he contacted me and wanted back. I said I’ve meet him to consider. We started seeing each other again and now I know that I must go through the dis-attachment again. In our first intimate meeting he proceeded to tell me about how he just broke up with a GF that he met in my home town. A place that he knew was important to me and that he would have had to make an effort to select as a place to meeting someone to date. Because he was still visiting the area and had broken up with her “did I want to visit with him?” Am I crazy or is this completely insensitive and moving right back into old patterns of abuse?
He has told me I need therapy and that it’s all my fault. Intellectually I know this isn’t the case. I know that what he is doing probably isn’t true poly. I understand non-monogamy and honestly don’t think I had a problem with it. But I still wanted to feel special and as though my feelings were being considered. This was not the case. I was made to feel weak and little and riddled with jealousy. I just wanted to be in a relationship with someone that was thoughtful, respected my feelings, and let me be myself without thinking that wasn’t good enough. Am I the crazy one?