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Old 07-09-2011, 06:31 PM
redsol redsol is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 4
Default Trying to figure this all out...1st timer here

I've always been the jealous type, a monogamist if you will. Lots of LTR's, but also lots of cheating both ways...very unhealthy. As of the last year or so, I've found myself at a point in my life where I've changed so many aspects of my life and now entering into the non-monogamous world.

I've met someone who considers herself to be in an open relationship, initiated by her. Her bf of many years is somewhat reluctant to participate, but I believe he loves her very much and so goes along with the idea as long as he doesn't know about her partners.

Years ago, I would have just considered this a good F buddy, and really just separate the physical and emotional. Easy for a guy right? However, I've found it increasingly hard with her. Not necessarily the sex itself...don't get me wrong it is amazing, but it has been close to 4 years since I've met someone who I feel I have this amazingly strong emotional, physical, spiritual connection with. How rare is this? I can say from my own experiences that this is so extremely rare that I find it hard to deal with. It's not the fact that she has a bf...or the fact that they live together. It's not the fact that I currently do not have anyone else serious in my life, just a few casual F buddies and that seem to be coming to an end as well. I believe it's just one of those things that WE non-monogamous people have to deal with as a learning and growing process.

I guess you would consider this a "V" type relationship with her being the pivot. I do find myself struggling with the fact that she spends a lot more time with him and her friends, with me always coming 2nd or 3rd. And while I don't blame her for keeping this in 1st gear as it's only been just over a month, I do find myself wanting to spend much more time with her, but I am trying to control my emotions when it comes to this "open" relationship.

I believe she has told him about our most recent sexual encounter. If I'm being honest with myself, it was probably one of the most amazing experiences I've had in a long time. It was totally opposite from the usual F buddy experience (emotionless F*cking). It was passionate, kissing deeply and staring into each others eyes type of experiences and I believe that is what led her to tell her bf. It doesn't look good, she hasn't been too open with me about it, and I don't feel I'm in a position to probe for more and just backed off a little, letting her deal with it and telling me when she feels comfortable. We've talked about the idea of this open relationship and we are still both very new to it and are exploring our own limits and emotions. Previously, she has had casual sex with others, but nothing more than just the physical aspect of it.

Yes, yes...long post and I guess I'm not asking anything in particular, but just venting to people who have the same experiences...
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