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Old 09-11-2017, 04:19 PM
Kmm247 Kmm247 is offline
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Post Control and insecurity

Hi, me and my husband are new to poly relationships.
We discussed it for almost a year before trying it. We finally agreed on a person ,or so I thought. My husband was obviously jealous and stuff got weird to put it lightly.
So we took a break from involving anyone else for a while so we could figure out what feels wrong about the first time... He said he needed the person to be someone he picked out and was fully comfortable with. So he picked a mutual friend. We built a relationship with said friend. We have a blast together..until my husband starts being weird . he shoots us angry glances, becomes very passive aggressive and controlling. He will do things like put our friends hand on my body , then later tell me I was ignoring him or I just want to have sex with everyone but him. Or he will make me have intercourse while our 3rd watches and not let me give attention. HELP IM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY. Also he worked late one night and me and our friend were waiting for him to come home. He sent me well over 100 messages in 2.5 hours....its like he's lost his mind.
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:38 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Kmm247,

That sounds really frustrating, to have your husband acting out like that. Is it possible he is not ready for poly? Have you talked to him about his behavior? If so, what did he say?

It's possible things will get better over time. But, it's also possible things will get worse. I guess if they do, you'll know where you reach your breaking point. But I hope it doesn't go that way.

Marriage counseling might help.
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:54 PM
Kmm247 Kmm247 is offline
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We are very open with our communications. We talk about everything. It just throws me off because he's not like that all the time. In fact our current third is someone he hand picked out of a few people we agreed on together. He is fine when they are alone together. He has no problem until me and our friend are showing affection. Its kind of like a double standard. My issue is that we now have a family of 3. We have strong feelings for each other. one of us is now being a bully of sorts. He fully admits to being insecure and jealous. But doesn't try to defuse the situation. Could he possibly be experiencing a mental illness? It popped up out of nowhere. Why be so invested and one day just decide everybody has to ask you before being together?
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:07 PM
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Hi Kmm,

Sometimes people go into poly with an intellectual acceptance of it, it makes sense to them from the outside. But when they get into it, they find out that they can't emotionally handle it. This is a situation that happens fairly often. It is much easier to accept poly with one's mind, than it is to go into poly and accept it with one's heart. Often jealousy raises its green-eyed head, unexpectedly. Your husband is clearly experiencing some jealousy. This may be fueled by some sort of fear that he has. He should do some self-exploration, and try to find out what he is most afraid of. There may be something the three of you can do to alleviate that fear.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:14 PM
Kmm247 Kmm247 is offline
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I truly hope we can. I love them both and cant imagine life without them. I know we are all willing to do what it takes. Thank you for your advice.
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:19 PM
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No problem, I'm glad to help.
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Old 09-13-2017, 06:12 AM
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Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kmm247 View Post
We are very open with our communications. We talk about everything.
Really?? Then maybe ASK him "wtF, dude?" & get a clear upfront answer. Like, yesterday.
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