silencebreaking
New member
This is going to be one doozy of a first post, but I'm feeling massive amounts of stress tonight, and I need to get it all out, otherwise I'm going to have a breakdown either at work tomorrow, or when I see Troop after work. I've been thinking about blogging for a few days, so I'm biting the bullet. I'll share more back story sometime this weekend.
I'm just completely fried right now. Between getting maybe three minutes with Troop tonight because he and Sunny stopped by to get his Cards Against Humanity set and the zipper I offered to Sunny (that she never fucking responded to my text about, when I asked her if she wanted it), my ex-fiance doing a fucking drive by yesterday when I was working from home, and just feeling left out in general, I'm done.
I saw Troop on Monday evening, as he was here when I got home from work. But he'd made a comment earlier in the day that he'd have to ask Sunny about him coming over. What. The. Fuck. It came across as though he had to get her permission to fucking come see me. And then he only spent around 45 minutes with me directly, as he cleared my driveway for me (which I REALLY appreciated).
Then on Tuesday, I got to see him... with Sunny. Because we went to the local poly group meeting, where his ex-partner Maly and her primary's secondary Ria were there, and they were both being bitchy again. Ria made some passive aggressive comments directed at Troop, which annoyed me and Sunny... but Sunny was the one that spoke up about it, after the meeting to Ria via text message. Which apparently started a shit storm and left poor Vic all confused.
Wednesday is when my ex did his drive by, at a time I normally wouldn't have been home - but I was, because I had an appointment that was closer to home than work. But it left me freaked out, because he also showed up and knocked on my door on January 1 after 10 PM, just to say hi. Fortunately, Troop was here that night. But my ex scares the hell out of me. He's an alcoholic with other mental health issues, owns guns (that he really shouldn't own - he lied on the paperwork when he purchased some of them), and has special forces training. But yesterday - Troop wasn't here. He was with Sunny. And it felt like his replies to my text messages were really really delayed. And while I'm glad they had quality time together, I was freaking the fuck out but felt like I couldn't tell him about it because then he'd feel like he had to come over and have to ask permission to do so.
And tonight, they came by my house to pick up CAH and the zipper. Well, the zipper was in my car because I took it with me last night, thinking that I'd just drop it off on my way home from my tax appointment if she wanted it, but she never responded to my message saying yes or no. And tonight, they had plans to hang out with some friends of theirs that I haven't met yet... Because the first time I was supposed to meet them, the invitation ended up being rescinded due to my food allergies (they didn't feel comfortable preparing dinner for me, which I understand - I have multiple food allergies, and I know they suck). But the comment that was made to me, was that we'd plan something else soon. Well, it's been over two months and nothing has been figured out about it... But Sunny comes to town, and it's all "hey, lets get together!" And it actually happens. So I'm feeling shitty about that, but haven't told Troop about it as A. I don't want to intrude on his last night with Sunny; and B. I don't want a pity invite.
Anyway, I was moody when they were here, and closed my car door harder than I should have (did I say closed? I meant slammed.). About 30 minutes after they left, I get a text asking if everything is okay, I seemed upset. Well, of course I'm fucking upset! I'm stressed out, Sunny has been here for 2.5 weeks and I'm worried that she's going to oops, going to miss her train and be here even longer. I'm freaked out about my ex-fiance and need to change the garage door code, the key code for the garage, and rekey my house this weekend. I miss Troop, I miss our routine, and I have PMS right now, which is really unusual for me. I feel like Ragey McBitcherson. Except that I'm now at the point where all I want to do is cry. So I think I'm going to go do that.
I'm just completely fried right now. Between getting maybe three minutes with Troop tonight because he and Sunny stopped by to get his Cards Against Humanity set and the zipper I offered to Sunny (that she never fucking responded to my text about, when I asked her if she wanted it), my ex-fiance doing a fucking drive by yesterday when I was working from home, and just feeling left out in general, I'm done.
I saw Troop on Monday evening, as he was here when I got home from work. But he'd made a comment earlier in the day that he'd have to ask Sunny about him coming over. What. The. Fuck. It came across as though he had to get her permission to fucking come see me. And then he only spent around 45 minutes with me directly, as he cleared my driveway for me (which I REALLY appreciated).
Then on Tuesday, I got to see him... with Sunny. Because we went to the local poly group meeting, where his ex-partner Maly and her primary's secondary Ria were there, and they were both being bitchy again. Ria made some passive aggressive comments directed at Troop, which annoyed me and Sunny... but Sunny was the one that spoke up about it, after the meeting to Ria via text message. Which apparently started a shit storm and left poor Vic all confused.
Wednesday is when my ex did his drive by, at a time I normally wouldn't have been home - but I was, because I had an appointment that was closer to home than work. But it left me freaked out, because he also showed up and knocked on my door on January 1 after 10 PM, just to say hi. Fortunately, Troop was here that night. But my ex scares the hell out of me. He's an alcoholic with other mental health issues, owns guns (that he really shouldn't own - he lied on the paperwork when he purchased some of them), and has special forces training. But yesterday - Troop wasn't here. He was with Sunny. And it felt like his replies to my text messages were really really delayed. And while I'm glad they had quality time together, I was freaking the fuck out but felt like I couldn't tell him about it because then he'd feel like he had to come over and have to ask permission to do so.
And tonight, they came by my house to pick up CAH and the zipper. Well, the zipper was in my car because I took it with me last night, thinking that I'd just drop it off on my way home from my tax appointment if she wanted it, but she never responded to my message saying yes or no. And tonight, they had plans to hang out with some friends of theirs that I haven't met yet... Because the first time I was supposed to meet them, the invitation ended up being rescinded due to my food allergies (they didn't feel comfortable preparing dinner for me, which I understand - I have multiple food allergies, and I know they suck). But the comment that was made to me, was that we'd plan something else soon. Well, it's been over two months and nothing has been figured out about it... But Sunny comes to town, and it's all "hey, lets get together!" And it actually happens. So I'm feeling shitty about that, but haven't told Troop about it as A. I don't want to intrude on his last night with Sunny; and B. I don't want a pity invite.
Anyway, I was moody when they were here, and closed my car door harder than I should have (did I say closed? I meant slammed.). About 30 minutes after they left, I get a text asking if everything is okay, I seemed upset. Well, of course I'm fucking upset! I'm stressed out, Sunny has been here for 2.5 weeks and I'm worried that she's going to oops, going to miss her train and be here even longer. I'm freaked out about my ex-fiance and need to change the garage door code, the key code for the garage, and rekey my house this weekend. I miss Troop, I miss our routine, and I have PMS right now, which is really unusual for me. I feel like Ragey McBitcherson. Except that I'm now at the point where all I want to do is cry. So I think I'm going to go do that.