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  #601  
Old 07-19-2018, 03:26 PM
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Well, shit.

You did the right thing, of course... and he did the right thing by taking it back to her. But damn. I'm sorry to hear it.

Chocolate and wine time? That could maybe be arranged.
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  #602  
Old 07-20-2018, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
Well, shit.

You did the right thing, of course... and he did the right thing by taking it back to her. But damn. I'm sorry to hear it.

Chocolate and wine time? That could maybe be arranged.
Yes!
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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  #603  
Old 07-20-2018, 06:09 PM
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Going back through my OKC conversations with VintageLover, I see why I was so blindsided. Why, despite him saying he'd told me there might be issues with the single mom previously, he had led me to believe things would be fine.

On July 6, just prior to meeting me, he said:

"I've had little experience with non-monogamy. It was something I am open to and interested in trying more of though.

I've read a lot about polyamory and open relationships.

I am not looking to jump into a heavy long term relationship right off the bat.

I am open and honest with my dates, so there wouldn't be any complications

I am dating, and one woman I've seen several times, but we have talked and she understands my position

She's OK with it for now. She's very relaxed and patient."

I'm still processing all this confusion, texting him a little, and he had been kind enough to be responding. I sent him those quotes, and he said that he'd told me at our first lunch a few days later, that this woman wasn't as cool with him dating as he'd originally thought.

Maybe he did say that, and I just kinda brushed it off.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
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  #604  
Old 07-22-2018, 11:34 PM
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So yesterday, despite mourning Vintage Lover, I got dolled up in a sun dress and met the next prospect at the local Asian place for lunch. It was very pleasant. He was very nice looking, gentlemanly. He's only 34. But he told me prior to meeting, when I mentioned joining a gym to get in shape, he doesn't care what size or age a woman is, as long as there is a meeting of the minds.

He paid for lunch, didn't even give me a chance to offer to split the bill.

He was easy to talk to, a little flirty. Kind of philosophical. Grew up in Queens, NY, but spent a lot of time hanging out in the East Village with all the alternative types. He seems to be a bit of a workaholic, and also into self improvement. He works out and was nice and leanly muscled. Very short hair, cute beard. He travels a lot for work. He's only available weekends and is living north of me, 60 miles away. He told me he moved to New England in December and has only had a couple "bad" dates so far. He told me the details of one date. It was epically bad. He said I was "doing OK" on our date. He touched my knee a few times, and gave me a nice warm hello hug, and a goodbye hug and a cheek kiss.

He texted me this morning and we chatted a little. I happened to mention I was going to complete STD labs tomorrow. I've already had the blood and pee done, tomorrow is the exam, and I'll get the results of the labs from last Monday at this next visit. When I asked when he was last tested, he said, a year ago. His last relationship ended last October. I said, if we are heading towards intimacy, I'd need him to be tested then. He said, Understandable, but then shortly after that, stopped talking.

We had talked about sex and kink during the date. He was open about his kink tastes and skills and how he loved to please a woman. So it only follows we should discuss safer sex. But if me bringing it up today made him uncomfortable, if he doesn't want to get tested, he's not the guy for me. And I can just mourn VintageLover in peace.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 07-22-2018 at 11:38 PM.
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  #605  
Old 07-25-2018, 04:56 PM
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Mags, I am very sorry to hear that things didn't work out with Vintage Lover but good on you for getting back on the horse and going to meet someone new even if they have ghosted too. This dating business is hard work and does get demoralizing. Chocolate and wine is a good idea and something good on netflix.
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  #606  
Old 07-26-2018, 07:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlantis View Post
Mags, I am very sorry to hear that things didn't work out with Vintage Lover but good on you for getting back on the horse and going to meet someone new even if they have ghosted too. This dating business is hard work and does get demoralizing. Chocolate and wine is a good idea, and something good on netflix.
Thank you Atlantis!

YaH was joking because she lives fairly near me and we'd already scheduled a dinner together, with her bf Chops, too. I brought wine and brownies, they cooked dinner! We talked about polyamory and dating issues (and other things). It was great.

So, I keep thinking about VintageLover. I sure did get a huge crush on that guy. I've realized he's kind of a male version of Pixi! Ginger haired and fair skin with freckles. Quiet, good listener but good storyteller, a little shy but friendly. Kind and gentle and respectful. A bit kinky. Plus his artsy side, etc., etc.

I told my friend T about this whole thing... he asked, well, could you be just friends with him? I wonder if his jealous gf would allow that? I at least want to text him and tell him, if things don't work out with her, I am still interested.

Now as for the next guy, let's call him Exec. Since he travels a lot for work.

He didn't ghost. He got a little cooler for a couple days when I brought up STD testing. But more recently, he's been friendly, asking how my day went and stuff. He has not asked me to get together again this coming weekend, though. I mean, he does live 60 miles away. And he travels all week for work, representing his company.

He did tell me he's been with "a few" women since his last serious relationship. So, even though he told me he had 2 recent bad dates, I guess somewhere somehow, since last October, he got "a few" women to have sex with him. Which doesn't surprise me, as he's very cute and nice and smart, etc. I hope he sees the importance of testing for his own health as well as mine, should we continue. I'm going to text him and see if he does want to see me again, and if so, when!

Now the other subject is HPV. We all know it's extremely common. It's the most common STD, genital HPV. If you've had a few sex partners, even with condom use, you've probably contracted a few strains over your life. The healthy body clears a new transmission generally within less than 2 years.

Well, back in June 2016 when I had the post menopausal vaginal bleeding, I had a Pap and a HPV screen. I was found to have a high risk strain of HPV in my vagina, but no abnormal cells on my cervix. I've been talking to my clinic today by phone to get all these details straight.

So after my clinic checked me, they told me to go to an actual gynecologist to get biopsied for cancer because of the bleeding. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, which is unrelated to HPV.

In September of 2016 I had a full hysterectomy. But my oncologist kinda went "meh" about the HPV issue at the time. Like, that didn't matter. In February of 2017 after chemo, I was clear of cancer, the chemo killed any cancer cells that might have escaped my uterus.

In June 2017 I went to my clinic and got a STD screen. I didn't think to bring up HPV (I guess because my oncologist had been so unconcerned at the time and even in followups later in 2017 and this year.) My clinic dr didn't bring it up either, so I just got blood and urine testing done.

But the recent questions from VintageLover about HPV got me thinking. What is my HPV status now? I don't have a uterus or, obviously, cervix, anymore. But have I cleared that HPV strain that was in me back in 2016? If it's a high risk strain, I don't want to pass it to a man, who might then be at tiny risk of anal or throat cancer, or pass it to another woman. Who knows where I got it from? Could be from Pixi via her bf, or any of her prior lovers, could be from any of my own lovers, (or even my husband 9 years ago) over my lifetime.

So my clinic is passing my records to my gyno (who isn't in that clinic). And they are going to confer and see if I should be tested again for HPV. With any luck, I have cleared it. Most people with healthy immune systems do clear it, as I said above. Of course, besides Pixi, I did have sex with 2 men this past winter and spring. Kahlo and Rick. And I had a threesome with Rick and his gf, and she gave me oral sex.

Complicated shit! I have a regularly scheduled appointment with my oncologist this Monday and I will ask her opinion on it too.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
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  #607  
Old 08-09-2018, 07:15 PM
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It's been a couple weeks since my last update so I might need to do a couple of posts.

I have put the HPV issue to rest. My oncologist reassured me that I don't need to worry about it. I don't need a HPV screen, nada. She said since I don't have a uterus/cervix anymore, I am even less transmissable even if there is any virus left in me, which is questionable.

I haven't talked to Exec since my last post. I think he's just super busy. And maybe he's met a gal who'll fuck him without bothering to take an hour to get to a clinic for a STD screen. If so, bless their hearts. Just to check, one last chance, I just texted him. But it's not looking hopeful.

Meanwhile I had 2 dates with yet another guy.

I'm tired.

But he's a nice guy. I'll just call him BigGuy for now, unless some better name comes to mind. He's half South Pacific Islander, so he's tall and big, but muscular and fit nonetheless. He's on a sports team. Half Canadian. But raised in New England.

So our first date was at a nice wine bar/restaurant in Worcester. His choice. When I got there there was no street parking, since there was an event at the convention center/arena across the street. So we texted and I said I didn't have cash for a lot. We met at the lot and he gave me a $10 bill.

The date was fun. He was very cool and nice. About 45. Poly. He has a fiancee and they are getting married in 6 weeks. He has a new gf of 2 months (like VintageLover! But definitely poly, and so is his gf and so is his fiancee).

We had a nice 3 hour chat over wine. We met at 8pm. Also his choice, to just do drinks, not dinner. He has 3 kids from his first marriage, 2 teens and a little one. Shared custody. And his fiancee has 2 school age kids too, also sharing custody with her ex. He works from home and so does she. He seems to be in IT. But it gives him flexibility to meet during the weekdays. We'll see how it works out.

He is very sincere and bright and affectionate and cuddly. Curious and open.

There are strikes against him. He said he was a born again Christian from college til 2 years ago. He found it hard to be Christian the last 10 years of it, but held on.... since his family and the Islanders are devout Christian, he found it hard to let go.

But he just couldn't make sense of it anymore. And he kept making deep connections with women that he couldn't help but feel desire for, So he finally gave up the religion, and his still religious wife, and started over.

So at the end of the date he hugged me and gave me a very nice kiss.... to be continued.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013

Last edited by Magdlyn; 08-09-2018 at 09:27 PM.
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  #608  
Old 08-09-2018, 09:26 PM
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BigGuy isn't concerned about HPV either. And he had a STD check in February. I felt that was good enough for me.

So we texted for another 10 days or so until we meshed schedules to meet again. He came here yesterday from 11am til 2:30. The previous day he expressed a desire to do some "gentle exploring" sexually...

He had to bring work with him, so a few minutes after he arrived he set up his laptop and checked in. Then we moved into our date. Gave him the house tour. He liked it. He got all excited to learn about Pyrex and wants to start going to Savers and looking for it too! He said my displays were so pretty and calming. The whole vintage vibe. I'm glad he liked it.

After the tour we sat in the living room. He was kind of taking up the whole couch but after a while he said, "Wanna cuddle?" and made room for me. So I moved over from the armchair, and we did that, and kept talking. He was asking me about religion. He's still feeling a void where his Christianity used to be. I'm good for him, I think, since I am pagan, but I was raised Christian and have explored other religious and spiritual practices over the decades, and also have made a big study of ancient religions that Judaism and Christianity grew out of.

He was asking me about sacred sex practices in pre-patriarchal times, early patriarchal times. I was telling him my theories and then he started getting more touchy feely, more sexual. His breathing quickened. OK, fine. That's fine by me. Sacred sex is quite an interest of mine, and a turn on.

So we made out a while, fondled, and then he suggested going to the bedroom. And what went on there, was.... OK? Ish?

Not great. Which is why I'd call him naive. I am not sure how many women he was with in high school. But he got born again in college and was celibate, then. He met his wife in college and she was a virgin. They were celibate until their wedding night. They were married like 15 years... But it seems they must have been quite vanilla.

His new gf is into BDSM. He even says she's a Domme. Specifically to her other partner, her primary, who is female. But maybe to him too...

You all know I prefer to sub. But I used to Top or bottom with men. I am rather a Top to Pixi. So i liked this guy enough, I was willing to Top if that is what he wants, especially at first. Although he seems willing to be more Toppy also, but we'll see.

So the sex was kind of awkward first time sex. I hope it improves. Also, he ejaculated during foreplay and didnt get hard enough to fuck when we had a 2nd session, after his refractory period. We tried, but it would get hard and then collapse. sigh

He is a cute guy! I like his looks very much. i like his body. Very manly. He was much cuter in person than in his OKC pix. He is a good kisser, and was good with tongue in the oral sex. But not so great at fingering. Too gentle. I wanted it more intense, especially since we couldn't fuck. I am not shy about telling folks what I want, but I didn't want to overwhelm him when he'd said he wanted "gentle exploration" this time.

Also, sadly, despite being a big guy, his equipment doesn't match. I don't mean to be a size queen, but when both partners are plus size, a bigger cock helps. He's not freakishly small, but on the small side of average. Smaller than Kahlo. We need to work on positioning next time, if he manages to not have premature ejaculation!

He was interested in some kink things, but we just touched on the edges of a couple things... just more of a simple demo than really getting into it.

Anyway, finally he seemed to become distracted, so I encouraged him to check in to work again. He was hungry so I made him a snack. then he had to leave to take a kid to the orthodontist.

I'd had anticipation and a bit of anxiety leading up to this date. Now I am a bit disappointed. But I hadn't gotten my hopes way up. We'll see where this leads. Mostly I am just glad and relieved we had a second date. And he's cute and friendly and sincere and cuddly, etc., etc. I like him.

I don't have a big crush on him. I also don't want to settle for just good enough. But I never seem to meet men who are perfect for me, the way Pixi is nearly perfect for me as a female partner and lover and friend.

I haven't seen anyone else on OKC lately who is as appealing as BigGuy lately, though, so I'll keep an open mind. Also my sex drive is a bit lower lately, I think because I am getting so little of it.

In other news, Pixi was home for a few days between sessions again last week.We had my son here a couple nights despite her tiredness. It was fun. We had one last Leo birthday dinner. Went back to the tiki paradise Kowloon, which is so awesome. My son loved it. Pixi and Son played their video games. He'd been missing her. Everyone misses her in summer. She did also manage to spend 2 nights at her bf's.

So she's now on her 4th session at camp. The first session was 3 weeks. The last one and this one are just one week. Then she has almost 2 weeks off, and then just 2 long weekend sessions.

Oh, I also visited her at camp in the last week of July!. I got there just before lunchtime on her birthday. I am glad I've been working out and getting in halfway decent shape, because we did a good deal of hiking around camp, and I did well. We also stole a golf cart from the nurses and rode around some. I loved meeting all her coworkers and seeing camp in action. I never had before! It was fascinating. She was so popular and loved and respected. I'm super proud of her.

We got a motel room at the end of the day, then ate dinner out, and then had a comfortable night's sleep. A treat for her birthday. I went back to camp the next morning to drop her off, ate breakfast there, listened in on a couple of her leader meetings, and then headed home before lunch.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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  #609  
Old 08-10-2018, 07:52 PM
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I heard back from Exec. Once again, he was just sort of conventional: Happy Thursday, how are you? I wrote back today, fine how are you? Just busy? He replied, I'm always running around. How is Pixi?

Well, it couldn't have been more bland or non-committal, right? I thought for a while and just now wrote back and outright asked if he was interested in meeting again, or is he too busy, too far away, or just not feeling a spark?

Because I aint got time for this pointless, "Happy whatever day, how are you?" crap. Shit or get off the pot, dude.

ha

I did text a little with Big Guy since our date. He's got a big game or tournament for his team sport today and tomorrow, and is all excited. He is sweet and interested in me.

Otherwise, my life has been a round of breaking down appliances. All in a couple weeks, the hall toilet stopped flushing, the dryer stopped spinning and the dishwasher wouldnt fill. Finally today the landlady coordinated a plumber to come and install the new dishwasher. The toilet was replaced, and dryer were fixed last week. We have a functional house! knock wood.

The new dishwasher is so modern and high tech, and it's brushed chrome which doesn't match the stove and fridge. I think it's stupidly designed too. The buttons to operate it are on the top edge of the door, horizontal to the counter, and the door juts out an inch when the door is shut. So you get the modern "sleek" look to the door. But now you've got buttons directly in harms way of every drip and crumb from the counter. It makes me angry! One more thing to have to be hyper-vigilant about. I can just imagine one misplaced poppy seed, or drip of coffee or juice, and we have a non functioning dishwasher again!

The plumber and landlady agreed this is stupid design, but it's all Lowe's had, this sleek idea with the buttons on the top edge of door.

But we are just renters, and beggars can't be choosers. And I know some apartment dwellers don't even have dishwashers. So I'm done complaining. lol
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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  #610  
Old 08-12-2018, 12:34 PM
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Well I soon heard back again from Exec after I told him I wasn't sure if he was ghosting or still interested, or too busy, or too far away, or not feeling enough of a spark.

Right away he apologized, said he wasn't ghosting, work was stressing him out a lot, he wasn't getting enough sleep, he'd locked himself away from the world.

And then he asked me out. Next Tuesday. I said, what should we do? (Thinking I don't trust him enough to just have him come to my house.) He suggested a movie. If I liked action, how about Mission Impossible? I said OK.

Action movies aren't my usual cup of tea. But once in a while they can be fun. I asked, can we get a drink afterwards to chat some? He said, heck yeah.

Then I said, OK, well I thought maybe you'd met someone closer to home. THEN he seemingly contradicted himself and said he's been "dating a tiny bit."

Oh! Aha, I thought.

He said, "People I've known. Nothing serious."

This is dinging my "sketchy guy" radar. Was he overstressed at work and not sleeping and closed off to the world, or dating "people" since our date? That seems highly contradictory.

Oh well, I'll go to the movie and have a drink and bring that up. And reiterate that getting STD labs done is the price of admission with me. That will probably scare him off enough, he can go back to those "people he's known a while," and I can move on. I am getting a playboy vibe from him. He obviously doesn't "get" polyamory. Did he think I'd be jealous he was seeing others, and so magnify the stress at work idea to hide the idea he'd neglected me to see his others? I will be upfront on our date and make him know I require complete transparency and honesty.

In other news, I was having trouble sleeping last night. I am coming down with a cold. And my sister is going through some big issues right now, her husband is very ill. A bad reaction to prednisone has thrown him into such depression/anxiety he's practically psychotic.

And my friend T's mother is dying. She was given 72 hours to live over a week ago. They took her off life support and she's stayed alive for a week! Unconscious on morphine. He's been at her bedside non stop all week except going home to sleep. Poor guy.

So I got up at 5:30 am today. I looked at my phone and there were several texts from VintageLover just sent about 20 minutes earlier. He works nights so he was up even though it was a weekend.

to be continued
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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