immaterial
New member
This is a very interesting thread. I wish there were more responses. I really think it is a very odd topic. Where does sex begin? I've known folks who actually believe sucking cock is not sex. Anal penetration by a penis is not sex. Handjobs are not sex. Giving oneself a handjob is not sex. Etc.
Then there are those who seem to think these behaviors are sex, but they don't constitute a breaking of commitment.
I used to go to erotic massage places and get handjobs. I did this when I was in "committed monogamous relationships." I think part of my rationale was that it wasn't sex. How convenient! Really, it doesn't matter what label I put on a behavior. It's about open, honest, ethical communication.
Lots of trouble with one of my sig others started when she "caught" me masturbating. I thought she had left the house and I was getting off and she heard me. (I can be kind of loud). For her, it was real betrayal. For me, it was a source of deep resentment, a feeling I had no privacy in my own home. These sorts of collisions are the stuff of relationship catastrophe. She gets to feel betrayed by my autoerotic sex life and I get to feel pissed off at her for violating my privacy. Ugh.
If I look at porn and get turned on, is that betrayal? If I fuck someone else but think about you the entire time, dear, is that commitment?
Immaterial
Then there are those who seem to think these behaviors are sex, but they don't constitute a breaking of commitment.
I used to go to erotic massage places and get handjobs. I did this when I was in "committed monogamous relationships." I think part of my rationale was that it wasn't sex. How convenient! Really, it doesn't matter what label I put on a behavior. It's about open, honest, ethical communication.
Lots of trouble with one of my sig others started when she "caught" me masturbating. I thought she had left the house and I was getting off and she heard me. (I can be kind of loud). For her, it was real betrayal. For me, it was a source of deep resentment, a feeling I had no privacy in my own home. These sorts of collisions are the stuff of relationship catastrophe. She gets to feel betrayed by my autoerotic sex life and I get to feel pissed off at her for violating my privacy. Ugh.
If I look at porn and get turned on, is that betrayal? If I fuck someone else but think about you the entire time, dear, is that commitment?
Immaterial