Marcus
Well-known member
All of the standard poly reservations about DADT seem to be around fears that the person could be lying and that the meta could be emotionally less than capable or whatever. As you rightly point out, River, lying and less than adult emotional capacity can exist in all types of relationships. I choose to live in a world where I trust my instincts about people and I don't require proof of honesty in any relationship.
This particular rationalization for avoiding DADT seems to come from the same place as the "I have to meet him or you can't date him" thrust. It's a place of fear of being lied to and treating everyone like they just got out of prison and need to *prove* themselves.
I think if I find myself in such a distrusting state that I would really need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And I completely disagree that a DADT precludes falling in love and deep emotional commitment. DADT encompasses a wide range of possibilities, it doesn't necessarily mean that the additional relationships have to be limited in commitment. If people are mature, generous of spirit and loving, anything is possible.
I agree that it doesn't preclude falling in love or deep intimate connection (the word commitment makes me feel gross), however, I also see that it is a limiting factor. It is a limiting factor like someone not being interested in sharing their work-life, a particular cherished hobby, etc. I am certainly not opposed to someone holding back some cards that they don't want to share with me, but it takes one important thing to that person out of the realm of possible connection.
Note that I'm not judging this reality harshly, I ALWAYS reserve the right to share what I want and not share what I want... we are all adults here and I'm sure we can handle it. But, since I am not fooling myself, I understand that each bit of potential intimacy I withhold from someone I am risking some level of intimate sharing and closeness with them.
You don't want to introduce me to your Ex-Gang-member Halfway House Support Group? Hey, I get it, but it necessarily puts up a barricade to closeness, big or small.