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Old 07-13-2010, 04:00 AM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 145
Default Dilemma of the heart, of course

Well, to paraphrase Leonard Cohen, I thought that it would never happen, but love sho' has done called me by my name.

So. Many of you know I date a married poly woman, L, and adore her, but only see her one evening a week. No sleepovers, no full days together.

I was getting pretty lonely on the 6 other days, went on OkCupid, found some woman friends to do a few things with. Recently had coffee with a woman, liked her a lot, she invited me to go camping with her. Did that last week (which is why this is my first post in 10 days). Spent 4 days solo backpacking and then 4 days camping with her.

NRE big time. But behind it is an awfully solid sense of honesty, openness, and -- most important -- a feeling of absolutely being on the same page with her. Someone delightful, smart, loving, and just my type. Emotionally as well as physically. She's attracted to me, and I to her.

But you guessed it: she said that any relationship between us would need to be between the two of us and not her-and-me-and-L. She's not jealous or even very possessive, and she's certainly no uptight bitch -- she's just monogamous. She's said explicitly that being close emotional friends with ex-lovers is wonderful; she has an ex-lover who is one of her best friends. So staying emotionally close to L is not a problem. Having sex with her is.

("Son, you better go home and make up your mind" -- the Lovin' Spoonful, 1966.)

I already talked some to L about it. She's unhappy, but I hope I can make it work for her. After all, the way our V is structured she gets to go to sleep beside someone and wake up with him, and have morning coffee together, and be with him all day -- and I don't have any of that. Not ever. Unless I find someone like this new person. I hope I can make her understand why, and how to proceed as close friends.

So I guess I'm not really asking what I should do. Ya either try for something you think might be special, or ya live with the knowledge that you weren't brave enough when it might have mattered. Probably I'll end up losing both women, but -- hey, I'm alive and trying.

Anyone got any advice or comments, fire away.
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mono, mono/poly

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