Polyamory in television shows

Tonberry

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BBC Documentary: "I Love You And You And You - End of Monogamy"

Has anyone seen this BBC documentary? My husband has just heard about it the other day, and I searched for it in the forums but the only result that came up was a Calgary article with a similar name. I'm very curious about the documentary and how it's portrayed. Trying to see if I can find it somewhere, in the meantime if anyone has seen it I'd love to hear about comments.

A growing number of people are choosing a new way of life. They have rejected monogamy and turned their backs on conventional relationships. They believe their lifestyle is the future. They believe in polyamory.

Polyamory is the philosophy and practice of loving more than one. It means you no longer have to make do with one partner. You can have two or three, and so on without fear of jealousy or reprisal, and so can your partner.

With divorce rates almost up to one in two and 60% of couples having affairs, this fascinating film follows two ‘polyamorous’ families to see whether this growing subculture really could be a justifiable alternative to monogamy…?
 
Thanks for that link, it's pretty interesting.

I'm not surprised that the more "boring" relationships (because they were drama-free or not "weird" or complicated enough) were dropped from the documentary, or that it was edited to make it look a certain way. This usually happen in documentaries since they care about ratings and want to make it sound all exciting, but they also don't want to be called immoral or anything so they do state their opinion in "the status quo is better" as much as they can.

I'm still curious to see it as I'm relatively new to polyamory, and new as far as actually living it. I'll just remember to take everything with a pound of salt, as usual in this kind of things.
 
wohoo found it, I almost gave up the google fight

http://vimeo.com/10523222

If you use firefox, find the video download tool that you can install and download the video to watch at your own pace :)

It is also on youtube, but the quality was bunk
 
DvD

I've made a DvD of this along with the Montel Williams show where he featured Polyamory.

If anyone would like a free copy of this PM me with an address you feel comfortable about giving and I'll snail-mail you one.

Don't let the FBI know .. they are out to get me I tell you.... out to get me.

Just Me,
Tim
 
I've made a DvD of this along with the Montel Williams show where he featured Polyamory.

If anyone would like a free copy of this PM me with an address you feel comfortable about giving and I'll snail-mail you one.

Don't let the FBI know .. they are out to get me I tell you.... out to get me.

Just Me,
Tim

Thanks Techno geeks! I love when someone else does the research work and all I have to do is point and click...brings the frustration level down!:D
 
My two cents :p

I can't say I was overly pleased with the documentary. Although it was cool to see a doc focus on some of the positive aspects of poly stuffs, the family they focused on (Quad with a man and 3 women) really rubbed me the wrong way.

I know, I know, 'my poly' is not 'their poly' and what they are doing works for them so all the more power to them.

The things that seemed to 'irk' me were:

- that by his own admission, the husband did not 'allow' the women in the quad to have outside relationships.

- even though 2 of the women were not particularly fond of each other, everyone shared the same bed. No personal space or privacy at all seems strange to me. I can't imagine sharing a bed with someone I didn't feel comfortable with. And the 2 'girlfriends' got kicked out of bed at 6am each morning for the following reason...

- their kids were not aware of the arrangement (which I understand has it's practicalities, I just find it odd to have a living arrangement that's so secretive).

- this is just my opinion, but it irked me that the latest girlfriend in the picture was there on admittedly 'trial' basis, it was unknown if she was going to fit in with their dynamic. With kids involved, it just seemed reckless to toss someone into that arrangement of living together after only a few months of dating.

My other critique was the big, free love gathering at the end, complete with naked people dancing around. It did give the impression that poly folks are all free love hippies running around naked having sex with everyone... That poly sure as heck ain't my poly! ;) No one will see my butt dancing around in a field in front of anyone, even those I love dearly :p

I really liked one of the other families they featured, a V triad with a woman and 2 men. Perhaps because I related to them the most.

Regardless of my own views on the doc, I would recommend a viewing just to see what your take on it is.
 
My View Too

I too didn't really think that the Quad was really a Poly relationship. I thought it felt more like a Mormon Polygamy situation rather then true Polyamory.

If I was one of the females involved in such a relationship I'd be running for the Hills weaving and ducking all the way.

Just another selfish insecure male notching the bedpost was my gut reaction.

Just My 2cents Worth,
Tim
 
The blog has comments about that family, including that man explaining things.

Apparently his wife was the one to ask, being bisexual and poly, if he'd be okay with her having a girlfriend. They ended up agreeing on a closed triad.
The first girlfriend didn't work out for the triad but his wife decided she didn't want to break up the relationship between the girlfriend and her husband just because he didn't work out with her.
Then they had a second "try" for their triad.
The original plan was a closed triad (with nobody allowed to have sex with anyone outside of it) and it ended up slightly different, but still there was no plans to add more people to the relationship if the triad worked this time, it would be the four of them, and that's it.

So while they're not allowed to have sex with other men, he's not allowed to have sex with people outside the triad+1 too. And considering he doesn't like men, a men can't enter their relationship since the basis was that everyone was with everyone.

I might have some details wrong, but the comments on the blog linked were, I feel, very interesting. It also seems they decided not to show several of the filmed families because they were too "normal" (I guess not enough "drama" to show on TV).
Also, at the time of the comment on the blogs the children knew about the relationship.

Anyways, I think you can always expect documentaries like that to select and twist as much as they can to fit the point they want to make. It wasn't in their interest to explain exactly how the relationship worked since they liked the "he's a polygamist" aspect of it, apparently.
 
Is anybody in this on the boards?

Of course I ask not really expecting an answer because of possible privacy issues, but I'm curious.

I thought it was well done for the most part, and found it especially interesting how much footage of mundane activities like taking out the trash and swiffering the floor there was. Did anyone else get the feeling that there was an attempt there to sort of "humanize" polys by showing them doing their chores like everybody else?

Another weird thing for me- why was the only perspective from the outside presented from the point of view of elderly couples? I think younger monogamous couples would have given a bit more of a provocative response than "Oh, I can't imagine!".

Anyways, thanks for the link and I enjoyed watching this, even though I feel a little funny about it.
-R

P.S. I, too, would be horrified to be at that gathering with the bouncing naked people. That's just me.
 
Any Sci-Fi fans out there...

Edit-
(It just occurred to me that, even though this is a minor plot point, some might consider this post a spoiler... I apologize for not adding this disclaimer sooner. If you just hate spoilers, no matter how minor, and have plans to watch "Caprica," don't read on. :eek: )

I'm curious what others thought about the plural marriage on the SyFy channel's "Caprica".

My wife and I were surprised to see television presenting different possible future iterations of marriage. For those who haven't seen the show- one of the main characters, a female teacher who runs a private school, (A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...) has multiple husbands and wives who share a household and a very big bed. The shows writers introduce the plural marriage when a student visits the teacher at home and no attempt is made to hide the poly relationships. The student is not particularly surprised- just a little curious about the plural marriage. In later episodes, the poly relationship is just in the background, presented matter-of-fact- the husbands and wives doing dishes, making dinner, sleeping in the big bed, etc.

I don't know where the writers will go with this- in the first season we don't really know if the teacher will be a hero or villain. She is secretly a monotheist in a world where monotheists are discriminated against by the pantheists. And the monotheists have a radical terrorist wing. I suppose if she turns out to be a villain, that might be an indictment on her poly lifestyle- hard to say. But very interesting to see a plural marriage so matter-of-fact on TV.

Anyone have any thoughts?
 
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Science fiction (once it emerged from its own puritanical age) has always speculated not just on future gadgets, but future societies. I've read several posters citing Heinlein as an inspiration, and Marion Zimmer Bradley also had poly relationships in her works. I don't really watch TV, but it's a hopeful sign that this show is presenting poly as an accepted, if somewhat unusual, lifestyle. It's a way of showing the viewer that this is the future, and things have changed. To put things in a historical perspective; imagine the reaction 200 years ago if a novel presented a bi-racial couple without any comment on the relationship...
 
D&W, you might like the books The Neanderthal Trilogy by Robert J. Sawyer, another scifi with polyamory.

Haven't seen this show, but checking it out now. Hopefully it's no good, because I'm already "behind" on my TV watching LoL!
 
As a geek and scifi (god I hate the new spelling arg) fan I keep seeing this on, but never catch it. One of these days I hope to, thanks for pointing it out.
 
D&W, you might like the books The Neanderthal Trilogy by Robert J. Sawyer, another scifi with polyamory.

Hey, thanks for the reco! I will check it out... I'm just winding down on a 10 book series and I'm about due for a trip to the library. :)

My wife and I were big fans of the new Battlestar Galactica. We both could not get enough of Starbuck... mmm. So we were very skeptical of Caprica- did not want to see just a rehashing of ideas from BSG. Prequels tend to be a disappointment, but we finally gave it a try and were pleasantly surprised. To see the addition of poly marriage was nice a little added bonus. Polyamory is definitely finding its way into our culture.
 
So I checked out this show. It's good! I like it a lot more than Battlestar Galactica. The whole ship thing was very monotonous and I couldn't get into the storyline.

The group marriage was introduced in Episode 3. I like how it was presented without assumptions or judgement. Very matter-of-fact, like you said. I haven't gotten to the part where they all sleep in one bed. How big is this bed? I don't think I would like that. I'm a sprawler, it's hard enough sharing a queen-size with one other person and 2 cats. What if you're in the middle and you have to pee? Do you have to crawl over 5 people? Nuts to that! And as much a voyeur as I am, let's face it: if your husband and wife are fucking next to you, makes it a bit hard to get some shuteye :p
 
The scenes in bed are short- just a few seconds of footage and no sex- just sleeping- until the alarm clock goes off or someone gets a phone call- that sort of thing, very mundane, but still ineresting to see on TV.

As for sharing a big bed in real life... I love it. Of course, it's not for everyone, but worth a try at least once or twice. :)

A few years back, my wife and I were in a quad relationship with another couple, and we always shared the bed. It was pretty great- lots of opportunity for closeness, affection and bonding- not to mention the sex- fantastic, especially if you're a little voyeur/exhibitionist inclined. Of course there are practical matters, like, as you say, getting up to pee etc., but it's really no problem. You learn to adapt. And if someone was really having a hard time sleeping, they would just go to the other room. (and sometimes someone else would follow. ;) )

Sharing the same bed really fits my ideal poly relationship- an intimacy shared. I'm hetero, (I don't say straight, because I'm clearly bent :) ) but sharing a bed with a another man who is having sex with my wife is a profound experience.
 
"Alpha males" piss me off to no end. I strive for equality in my friendships. Jerome, the self-identified insecure alpha male, is exactly the kind of person I would not want anything to do with in any context. I'm puzzled as to why so many women find such men attractive.
 
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research what an "alpha male" is, and all you'll have answered your own question.
 
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