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  #21  
Old 02-08-2020, 08:32 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is online now
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Well, what's the difference? Is he looking for group sex, or people to love? Is the difference that he is open to love with his many many casual sex partners?

For me, group sex will never equal polyamory just in some sort of magical leap. Variety in sex partners, and enjoying voyeurism, or whatnot, does not equal love.
Why is that an either/or thing? I'm not into big group sex things, but I wouldn't go so far as to negate someone based on their particular kink. Besides, for some of us there is room for both loving relationships and casual sex in our life. Not every relationship has to be serious.
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  #22  
Old 02-08-2020, 09:36 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Why is that an either/or thing? I'm not into big group sex things, but I wouldn't go so far as to negate someone based on their particular kink.
Good grief, again you go putting words into my mouth! I am not "negating" anyone for their "kink." Far be it from me; I am one kinky ass motherfucker!

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Besides, for some of us there is room for both loving relationships and casual sex in our life. Not every relationship has to be serious.
Of course! One can be poly AND one can be into casual sex. And casual sex can and often does, lead to love.

All I am saying is, group sex IS NOT POLY. You can be poly and want to have sex with both or all of your lovers at once. But poly does not require or mean that you do engage in group sex!

Sorry to shout, but you just made a whole bunch of leaps of (il)logic! Don't lay that shit on me, man.
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  #23  
Old 02-09-2020, 02:42 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Swinging is its own thing--it's for romantically monogamous couples to have recreational sex and partner-swapping without falling in love with the other people.

That's not the only way to have group sex, of course. It's kind of annoying to me when people say that any sort of group sex thing is "swinging."

For my partner, although he doesn't get invited to as many sex parties as he would like LOL, the communities having these parties involve either queer people, kinky people, people who go to Burning Man, etc. None of them would call themselves swingers.

What's interesting to me is that these people ALL seem to be polyamorous. Not that everyone at these sex parties is in love with each other, but that almost everyone there identifies as polyamorous and has multiple relationships (with people who may or may not be at the sex party). This phenomenon may be local to the area--I'm talking about people mostly around Somerville, Massachusetts (of course, LOL).

I know quite a few triads of various gender configurations--more than I would have guessed is the "norm" from reading this forum. None of them use the word "throuple" though! And also, none of them are the unicorn hunter MF+F triad we see so often here.

I do understand your frustration, Mags, about pop culture equating group sex with polyamory. I, personally, would pay good money to NEVER attend a sex party (or Burning Man, for that matter!) but I will always be polyamorous.

But, my point is, quite a lot of polyamorous people, in my experience, do also enjoy group sex stuff. Or, to think of it another way, people who like group sex often find that polyamory is the best relationship model for them.

I don't think the difference is as stark as you make it out to be. There is a lot more overlap than "group sex is NOT poly!" would imply.

I would definitely like to see SEPARATE poly relationships portrayed in pop culture. But a show that briefly portrays a MFM triad as kind of normal sounds like a good start, actually.
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  #24  
Old 02-09-2020, 10:03 AM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Good grief, again you go putting words into my mouth! I am not "negating" anyone for their "kink." Far be it from me; I am one kinky ass motherfucker!



Of course! One can be poly AND one can be into casual sex. And casual sex can and often does, lead to love.

All I am saying is, group sex IS NOT POLY. You can be poly and want to have sex with both or all of your lovers at once. But poly does not require or mean that you do engage in group sex!

Sorry to shout, but you just made a whole bunch of leaps of (il)logic! Don't lay that shit on me, man.
I put words in your mouth by stating my position? And then you agree with me. Don't take everything so personally. I'm saying that a person can have a partner who isn't into group sex and one who is. So they practice the group sex with the one who is into it. Same with any other kink, like I might have a partner not into bdsm and one who is.
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  #25  
Old 02-09-2020, 10:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
Swinging is its own thing--it's for romantically monogamous couples to have recreational sex and partner-swapping without falling in love with the other people.

That's not the only way to have group sex, of course. It's kind of annoying to me when people say that any sort of group sex thing is "swinging."

For my partner, although he doesn't get invited to as many sex parties as he would like LOL, the communities having these parties involve either queer people, kinky people, people who go to Burning Man, etc. None of them would call themselves swingers.

What's interesting to me is that these people ALL seem to be polyamorous. Not that everyone at these sex parties is in love with each other, but that almost everyone there identifies as polyamorous and has multiple relationships (with people who may or may not be at the sex party). This phenomenon may be local to the area--I'm talking about people mostly around Somerville, Massachusetts (of course, LOL).

I know quite a few triads of various gender configurations--more than I would have guessed is the "norm" from reading this forum. None of them use the word "throuple" though! And also, none of them are the unicorn hunter MF+F triad we see so often here.

I do understand your frustration, Mags, about pop culture equating group sex with polyamory. I, personally, would pay good money to NEVER attend a sex party (or Burning Man, for that matter!) but I will always be polyamorous.

But, my point is, quite a lot of polyamorous people, in my experience, do also enjoy group sex stuff. Or, to think of it another way, people who like group sex often find that polyamory is the best relationship model for them.

I don't think the difference is as stark as you make it out to be. There is a lot more overlap than "group sex is NOT poly!" would imply.

I would definitely like to see SEPARATE poly relationships portrayed in pop culture. But a show that briefly portrays a MFM triad as kind of normal sounds like a good start, actually.
What you are talking about is what I experienced in Seattle. I agree it's not as stark. Perhaps the best way is to say that group sex is not, in and of itself, polyamory, but some polyamorous people practice group sex.

I also think polyamorous people can practice swinging, but swinging by an otherwise monogamous couple is not polyamory.

I'd love to see a show with several different types of poly relationships as well. A show like that could run forever. There is so much material.
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  #26  
Old 02-10-2020, 01:17 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Default poly =/= threesome

This conversation about poly and group sex is fairly common here as many "newbies" often come up with the idea of threesomes to "ease into" group sex (hence my old post Threesomes - A Playbook (explicit) )

While poly does not have to include group sex and group sex does not have to occur under the umbrella of poly, there is no reason why they can't overlap if that's what people prefer. The situation described here with regard to the TV show doesn't sound at all out of the range of what some of us have experienced. Sure, there are many other options and configurations, but, unless the show is entirely about all the different ways people can "do" poly, they have to pick one to start with (I assume that this one fit the characters' back-story).

One of our standing jokes is that I don't consider myself at all "kinky" - I like plain old vanilla stuff, sometimes with different genders, sometimes with different individuals ... and sometimes with different individuals at the same time! Most of my group sex experiences now-a-days involve my partners or FWBs. My boys are both straight so, during that flavor of three-or-more-some they don't interact sexually with each other, just with ME (poor JaneQ - spoiled rotten) or any other females involved.

I don't engage in much "casual sex" anymore - lack of time and opportunity, but, unlike when I was younger, I would not be opposed to developing feelings for people that I engage in casual/group sex with (who would tend to be friends, FWBs, partners, metamours already) - which, to me, makes it not very similar to swinging at all (plus the fact that there are no "rules" that state my current partners have to be involved).
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