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Old 03-21-2019, 01:35 PM
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Default USA Today Article on Polyamory (March 20, 2019)

Another link that crossed my alt FB feed - to an opinion piece in USA Today. Sort of an introductory piece for the general public but fairly well written - and seeks to clarify the public misconception that poly is all about group sex and lack of commitment. Nice to see another major news outlet talking about poly.

The article is on the USA today web site - so, although there are some ads, the web page is stable.

Polyamory isn't just about sex or lack of commitment. People should be free to explore their options.
By Victoria Gagliardo-Silver, Opinion contributor

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opini...mn/3197255002/
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Old 03-21-2019, 05:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Al99 View Post
Polyamory isn't just about sex or lack of commitment. People should be free to explore their options.
By Victoria Gagliardo-Silver, Opinion contributor

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opini...mn/3197255002/
Excerpt from that article: "I am open to explore whatever may or may not develop, creating lasting friendships and honest relationships without expectations."

I keep hearing this "without expectations" phrase, coming from various quarters, with the apparently implicit assumption that love -- the real thing -- is tainted when we have "expectations" and that we should ideally, somehow, not have any "expectations" -- 'cause they are bad.

But is that true? I mean, really? Or is this just more bullshit which confuses us and gets in the way of real love?
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Old 03-21-2019, 08:18 PM
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Good article. Although it does conflate polyamory with general nonmonogamy. I see polyamory as a subset.
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Old 03-21-2019, 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by River View Post
Excerpt from that article: "I am open to explore whatever may or may not develop, creating lasting friendships and honest relationships without expectations."

I keep hearing this "without expectations" phrase, coming from various quarters, with the apparently implicit assumption that love -- the real thing -- is tainted when we have "expectations" and that we should ideally, somehow, not have any "expectations" -- 'cause they are bad.

But is that true? I mean, really? Or is this just more bullshit which confuses us and gets in the way of real love?
I believe she's talking about the expectations associated with monogamy.
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Old 03-22-2019, 12:52 AM
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I believe she's talking about the expectations associated with monogamy.
Perhaps, but in no way was that made clear. In fact, if that is so, it was left quite unspecified and unclear.

Oftentimes, folks these days -- the commitment phobic folks mostly -- use "expectations" as an epithet for "icky" and "pathological" and "I'm out of here." It's just not honest. It's often a way of brushing folks off without taking personal responsibility for being hurtful and overly self-absorbed -- or just scared to get close to someone.

In REAL relationships, there are usually some expectations. And when those expectations are not met, or responded to, there is very real and very legitimate reason for disappointment and hurt. For example, if one's partner in the dance of relationship goes suddenly from highly communitive, responsive and available to the opposite extreme (non-communication, non-responsive and unavailable)….

If one questions them about this unavailability and they say, "You really shouldn't have any expectations; we're in a polyamorous relationship" I'm going to be thinking... Huh?!
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Last edited by River; 03-22-2019 at 01:04 AM.
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Old 03-23-2019, 05:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
Perhaps, but in no way was that made clear. In fact, if that is so, it was left quite unspecified and unclear.

Oftentimes, folks these days -- the commitment phobic folks mostly -- use "expectations" as an epithet for "icky" and "pathological" and "I'm out of here." It's just not honest. It's often a way of brushing folks off without taking personal responsibility for being hurtful and overly self-absorbed -- or just scared to get close to someone.

In REAL relationships, there are usually some expectations. And when those expectations are not met, or responded to, there is very real and very legitimate reason for disappointment and hurt. For example, if one's partner in the dance of relationship goes suddenly from highly communitive, responsive and available to the opposite extreme (non-communication, non-responsive and unavailable).

If one questions them about this unavailability and they say, "You really shouldn't have any expectations; we're in a polyamorous relationship" I'm going to be thinking... Huh?!
I hear what you're saying. Of course we have personal expectations. But this is what she said:

"In nonmonogamous relationships, not every single person you are involved with is necessarily your primary emotional support. While some people are, indeed, just a sexual relationship, others are purely a strong emotional relationship. You care for everyone differently and individually, as to their needs. Your partner, or partners, can be a friend, a lover or a spouse. Polyamory allows for the exploration of endless potential relationships.

I have been given the opportunity to create healthier partnerships without the restrictions of monogamy. No longer do I find myself concerned about my partner "cheating" as I no longer expect them to only see me; I don't feel the need to look through their phones or ask where they were. I do not feel threatened by feelings or relationships they have with other people because that does not make our relationship any less real, or any less ours."
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