Hey all. I won't lie, I got into this forum seeking therapy, I guess.
So, ok, here I go, if I breach any forum rules or etiquette, I apologize.
I am in an open relationship for 5 years, now; 3 of those, we are living together. Now, it has always been open, on ocasion we have met a hooked up with other people, but nothing serious. We always talked about the day someone would meet someone else special, but that never actually happened... until now.
So my girlfriend got a girlfriend and at first I was "great, I'm happy for you" and all that; and still am. Part of me actually smiles thinking about them laughing and being cute to one another, but the thing is... I feel bad it is not me. And I feel bad it is not me and I feel bad because I feel bad, so this starts a cycle inside my head that sometimes leads to arguments.
The thing is that our sex life is, well, normal, we never had this glamorous amazing sex every-day thing that a lot of couples do, we have sex and it's very good and we care and love about each other and we know each other. It doesn't happen a whole lot, but it actually never did. And we sometimes had these discussions about how our sex life could be more intense, but it's not bad, again, it's just, smooth, I guess.
But now, with this new girlfriend of hers, I am seeing my girlfriend really excited about sex. And so I'm jealous, I feel bad. And the thing is, I know the theory, I know that people offer different things to other people, that we reject this idea that one person is the ultimate partner to other person for good reason. And since our sex life was never super intense, I always kind of braced myself to the day that she would find a partner who, indeed, made for a great sex partner.
And yet, I have not braced myself enough.
See? We talked about this, we discussed it, we don't want our relationship to end, in no way, we are great together, we are the best of friends, we love each other deeply, sex is good and nice when it happens, it is, in a way, a typical married life and it would be insane to give up this bliss not even because our sex is bad, but because sex with another person is way better. And I know all that! But I still feel shitty. I still feel sad. I still wish it was me rocking that world. But I can't get into the mindset of competing with this new person; not only I would lose but also it would go against all my beliefs; against the very foundation of this beautiful open relationship we have for years.
...I just want to stop feeling bad. And feeling guilty for feeling bad.
So, ok, here I go, if I breach any forum rules or etiquette, I apologize.
I am in an open relationship for 5 years, now; 3 of those, we are living together. Now, it has always been open, on ocasion we have met a hooked up with other people, but nothing serious. We always talked about the day someone would meet someone else special, but that never actually happened... until now.
So my girlfriend got a girlfriend and at first I was "great, I'm happy for you" and all that; and still am. Part of me actually smiles thinking about them laughing and being cute to one another, but the thing is... I feel bad it is not me. And I feel bad it is not me and I feel bad because I feel bad, so this starts a cycle inside my head that sometimes leads to arguments.
The thing is that our sex life is, well, normal, we never had this glamorous amazing sex every-day thing that a lot of couples do, we have sex and it's very good and we care and love about each other and we know each other. It doesn't happen a whole lot, but it actually never did. And we sometimes had these discussions about how our sex life could be more intense, but it's not bad, again, it's just, smooth, I guess.
But now, with this new girlfriend of hers, I am seeing my girlfriend really excited about sex. And so I'm jealous, I feel bad. And the thing is, I know the theory, I know that people offer different things to other people, that we reject this idea that one person is the ultimate partner to other person for good reason. And since our sex life was never super intense, I always kind of braced myself to the day that she would find a partner who, indeed, made for a great sex partner.
And yet, I have not braced myself enough.
See? We talked about this, we discussed it, we don't want our relationship to end, in no way, we are great together, we are the best of friends, we love each other deeply, sex is good and nice when it happens, it is, in a way, a typical married life and it would be insane to give up this bliss not even because our sex is bad, but because sex with another person is way better. And I know all that! But I still feel shitty. I still feel sad. I still wish it was me rocking that world. But I can't get into the mindset of competing with this new person; not only I would lose but also it would go against all my beliefs; against the very foundation of this beautiful open relationship we have for years.
...I just want to stop feeling bad. And feeling guilty for feeling bad.