New and needs guidance

Curiousc1990

New member
Hi, I am new to both this forum as well as to have an open relationship with my partner of five years. I suppose I'm not so much new as I will be new, me and my partner have talked about the subject a lot. My partner knows most of my concerns and has voiced the very few they have as well. Here I where my problem feels like it's bigger then myself, my partner has been suggesting polyamory off and on for a few months. I have been room temperature about the idea, they have given reasons why they want to try they've said they want us to have more sexual experiences that we can bring back to each other( here's where I mention we have been dating since we were 20 and previous to this partner had very few sexual experiences where and they had far more) they also know I struggle with maintaining closer non romantic relationships, but something has me worried in a big way.. you see my partner is far more attracted to female bodied people then to make bodied people specifically not very attracted to cis male people. I am a cis male person and I know she loves me and I do believe she enjoys the sex we have but I am also not blind and I know it's not enough for them sometimes and they long to be in a less hetero normative relationship again even if it's just casual sex with non cis males.... I guess my question is has anyone else run into this problem and can anyone help me, I want to talk to them about it but I really need to talk to someone outside the situation first just to ground my mind and make me feel less like I'm losing them and more like I'm just helping spread love.
 
Hi Curiousc1990,

I am hearing from your post that you are afraid you are going to lose your partner if you say yes to polyamory, since your partner will develop feelings for people who aren't cis males, and she'll prefer their company to yours.

I just want to say that polyamory isn't about trying Partner Y to see if you like them better than Partner X. It is about keeping both partners, and the consequent absence of comparison. This is not to say that your partner's loyalty can be 100% trusted, it's just that the spirit of polyamory is in keeping with your desire to retain your relationship/s.

And not to minimize the importance of your (five-year) relationship, but is it a vital relationship to continue (monogamously or polyamorously, open or closed) if you have to worry about your partner leaving you and can't depend on her loyalty?

I guess if I were you I would agree to the polyamory, but tell my partner about my fears. But I'm not you; you must choose the best path for yourself.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
That sounds good.
 
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