Just don't know

I do not know for sure how receptive she might be. She has opened up alot, sexually in recent years, at least talking about what she feels. Stuff that would never have come out in any situation is a fairly common topic now. I am going to ask her to listen to or read some of these books. What does one do if the discussions fail? I have suppressed these feelings forever, told myself it was sinful and vehemently avoided females and going out with guys where females might make me think naughty thoughts. I'm not living that way anymore. She knows I am attracted to other girls and if given permission would be with some of them. I'm also not going to cheat on her. I love her too much to not be with her.
 
I am not much of a chit chatter. I do like conversations of substance, but one can not have these all the time. People do not have time for that mess.

I think we'd enjoy coffee or tea together. These are just the sort of "mess" I enjoy.
 
Re (from trallart):
"What does one do if the discussions fail?"

Really there are only two options:

  • Stay together and remain monogamous,
  • Split up.
If you stay together you can possibly retry the discussions later. It depends on how spectacular the failure is ...
 
When you say things like
I have suppressed these feelings forever, told myself it was sinful and vehemently avoided females and going out with guys where females might make me think naughty thoughts.

It makes me wonder if you have it firmly in your mind that desiring and fantasizing about people aside from your committed partner is completely OK? That it is not being unfaithful and that it harms no one? That such thoughts can be enjoyed without it meaning you will act on your thoughts if you do not strictly control them?

That is not to say that looking into polyamory to see if it is what you truly want/need is not a good idea. Just know that you might want to look into your attitude toward sex and romance as well to clarify your needs and desires.

Leetah
 
When you say things like


It makes me wonder if you have it firmly in your mind that desiring and fantasizing about people aside from your committed partner is completely OK? That it is not being unfaithful and that it harms no one? That such thoughts can be enjoyed without it meaning you will act on your thoughts if you do not strictly control them?

That is not to say that looking into polyamory to see if it is what you truly want/need is not a good idea. Just know that you might want to look into your attitude toward sex and romance as well to clarify your needs and desires.

Leetah

Ditto on that.

For what it is worth, I've noticed that almost everyone seems to believe that loving someone (romantically) must necessarily mean wanting to connect with another indicates "something is wrong" in the initial relationship.

In my opinion, that's the first hurdle to jump.

I'm very fortunate, as my long time partner does not make this very common assumption.
 
I honestly don't know what my attitude toward sex and romance is. I'm sure I don't need more relationdhips, but there is a desire.
I am not certain that my thoughts and desires can be tossed like a physical object. It is not like I saw them on the ground and picked them up. They are just there.
 
I am not certain that my thoughts and desires can be tossed like a physical object. It is not like I saw them on the ground and picked them up. They are just there.

These words suggest to me that you trust yourself enough to cross bridges -- or not -- when there is a bridge in front of you, to turn left or right on a trail when it forks.... To just let life unfold naturally.... Does this feel right?
 
I do not do much of anything without much deliberation. As I have gotten older, I have started letting things be as they are. I have very little contol over a lot of things, and I do not really want to controll other people, and I do not want to be controlled. I have always been a pretty mellow person professionaly, and getting more so in my personal life.
 
What I was trying to say was that yes the thoughts and desires are there and that is just fine, no need for you or your wife to feel betrayed or guilty that you have them. Since you seem to have no problem working this out slowly you both can have time to get to know yourselves and how you want to live your lives post-child raising.

I do not recall if you have indicated that you have done any reading on websites such as https://www.morethantwo.com/ , http://openingup.net/ or any of the other websites or books on ways to navigate the tricky waters of beginning ethical non-monogamy.

Leetah
 
... I am not much of a chit chatter. I do like conversations of substance, but one can not have these all the time. People do not have time for that mess.

Actually, for some of us, "conversations of substance" are the only type worth having. What I do NOT have time for is "chit chatter". The, very few, people that I have formed true friendships/relationships with over the course of my lifetime started with a few hours of conversations of substance that, well, never really ended.:rolleyes:
 
Ditto on that.

For what it is worth, I've noticed that almost everyone seems to believe that loving someone (romantically) must necessarily mean wanting to connect with another indicates "something is wrong" in the initial relationship.

In my opinion, that's the first hurdle to jump.

I'm very fortunate, as my long time partner does not make this very common assumption.

I agree with this. There is nothing wrong with my current situation and I do not want to lose it. Very much a cultural thing, I think. Problem is most modern cultures do not openly condone multiple partner relationships, and it is particularly bad on the females. I would not want my significant other feeling like what she thinks others think of her for doing or allowing non conventional relationship arrangement.
 
Honestly no one seems to care that I have two husbands. I get more "you go girl" feedback than anything. The only negative feedback has been jealousy based. IE how dare you take all the good men type comments :rolleyes:

The only other comments are omg I can barely stand my one husband I couldn't imagine having more than one.

I have not had anyone tear me down to my face. And honestly I really don't give a crap what society thinks of me. I am a grown woman who pays my own bills.
 
Really! I guess we ran in different circles. I really do not run in any circles now. Sort of trying to establish a plane that more closely fits me.
 
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