Poll - physical copies of STI screens

violiner93

New member
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why? I'm curious how others approach managing this risk.

My own answer:

In the absence of prior suspicion of an infection I'm content with a verbal "I got mine back and they're fine." I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them. Of course this requires me to only date people that I think I can trust, but I'm ok with that limitation.

Thanks for your participation!
 
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why?

None. I believe in trust. Firstly, I have to trust my partner(s) to be truthful with me. If I don't trust what they are saying to me about anything, we have issues. Secondly, I have to trust that they have sound character judgement: that means that if a metamour says that s/he doesn't have any STDs, I might enquire what tests they have had, but I have to believe what they say. That is part of trusting my partner and his choice in partners. Thirdly, I look after my own sexual health - it's my responsibility to protect my health and I do so by having regular STD tests. If my test comes back positive, it will be obvious that someone in the network has contracted an STD, probably when breaking a fluid bonding agreement that they didn't disclose. That would mean that I have to reconsider my trust in that person.

If it was herpes that I came back positive for, it would be hard to actually confirm that I had contracted it from a current partner and that they broke a fluid bond agreement of some sort to get it. They might have got it whilst using protection, same as I could have. Either/any of us, tested or not, might have had it for some time.
 
Under what circumstances, if any, do you require to see a physical copy of a partner's STI screening results? A partner's partner's results? A partner's partner's partner's results? Is that a line that you draw somewhere, where is it, and why? I'm curious how others approach managing this risk.

My own answer:

In the absence of prior suspicion of an infection I'm content with a verbal "I got mine back and they're fine." I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them. Of course this requires me to only date people that I think I can trust, but I'm ok with that limitation.

Thanks for your participation!

I ask for them, and I give them readily.

Trust or not trust, it doesn't matter. I have done it equally with everyone I am intimate with.
 
I believe that if I can't trust someone enough to be honest with me about their results that I shouldn't be involved with them.

I agree with this.

If someone asks me for the paper copy from an STI test I guess I would give it to them. I would find it strange, and it would help me understand a bit more about what kind of relationship we have - but I don't have any interest in standing in the way of someone's health.

Why the topic? Has someone asked you for your doctors note and you are considering what you want to tell them?
 
Since I am new to poly, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, or what was expected. When I had my tests done last week, I messaged my boyfriend M that I had my results back and asked if he wanted to see them. He told me no, but maybe his wife might want to see them. So I asked the doctor's office for a print out. When I saw M after that, he glanced at the papers but didn't take them with him, so I dunno. I figure I will keep them for a short while, but will end up shredding them soon. It's not like I couldn't ask for another copy later, if we break up a new potential wants to see them.

M is going to the doctor on Wednesday to get his results, and he asked me to go with him. I don't think I would have required a paper copy, but since I will be there with him, I definitely don't need one.
 
Since I am new to poly, I wasn't sure what the etiquette was, or what was expected.

Prepare to continue to be surprised. There is exactly zero consensus among poly folk on exactly everything... even as to what the definition of what "polyamory" even means :rolleyes:
 
Even during my slutty phase (yay for bad decisions after traumatic things) I didn't ask for proof of STD status. I just kept myself tested on a very regular basis.

After I got out of that I hit a point where I decided I wouldn't have sex with someone unless I could trust them to be honest to me about their status and making sure I had tests done before and after (a couple of tests with 6 weeks between) having sex with a new partner.

Worked so far.
 
I use condoms with new partners and will continue to do so. Even if they are sti free, there's nothing stopping them from having unprotected sex with a new partner who may not be sti free. When the relationship becomes more and I want to stop using condoms I'll ask for them to be tested and will request to see the results. I currently am tested every 6 months but am thinking I might go every 3.

In my youth I never used protection from sti's and am very very grateful that I was lucky (I slept with quite a lot of boys). After marrying dh 18 years ago I only had tests done when getting pregnant. A year ago we opened our marriage and I've used condoms but dh had not with his gf from last winter. Neither of them would go get tested so I did.

I'd rather be safe than sorry years later from not being proactive for my own health.
 
I have the rare luxury of it being completely irrelevant to my life, seeing as fluid bonding is forever off the table with me to start with.

And I say "luxury" for one reason only: no need to meddle in what I see as a partner's private life. Their sex life, their STD risk, their business - not mine. It allows me to set a clearer boundary than would be possible if there were a chance of getting infected myself... I know I'd struggle with the feeling of being meddling/nosy if I had to weigh up their privacy versus my bodily health; this way, I can leave their privacy completely untouched.
 
Last edited:
I have the rare luxury of it being completely irrelevant to my life, seeing as fluid bonding is forever off the table with me to start with.

And I say "luxury" for one reason only: no need to meddle in what I see as a partner's private life. Their sex life, their STD risk, their business - not mine. It allows me to set a clearer boundary than would be possible if there were a chance of getting infected myself... I know I'd struggle with the feeling of being meddling/nosy if I had to weigh up their privacy versus my bodily health; this way, I can leave their privacy completely untouched.

No sex is risk-free -- sure you may use barriers, but what it a condom slips or breaks? And even with perfect barrier use, there is a not-insignificant chance of getting infected with HPV and HSV. I'm not saying your system isn't the right one for you, I'm just saying that to call a partner's status irrelevant because there's no chance of a risk is inaccurate.
 
No sex is risk-free -- sure you may use barriers, but what it a condom slips or breaks? And even with perfect barrier use, there is a not-insignificant chance of getting infected with HPV and HSV. I'm not saying your system isn't the right one for you, I'm just saying that to call a partner's status irrelevant because there's no chance of a risk is inaccurate.
I wasn't talking about barriers... even accidental fluid bonding is off the table with me. "No sex", however, is risk-free. ;)
 
Back
Top