RunBabyRun
New member
Rider and I just made the decision to open our marriage a little over a week ago. I am interested in forming a friendship with a man from one of my classes last semester. He demonstrated some attraction to me but he also knows I am married.
I’m really nervous! I am interested in this man as a friend and I’m attracted to him physically. We had chemistry although I did not do anything to lead him on because Rider and I were in a closed relationship at the time.
I emailed Mr.X a few days ago and suggested we get together. We had talked about biking or hiking together last time we spoke. He replied that “absolutely we should get together”. I called him today to set that up and he’s going to get back to me with the details. He said he’d call or e-mail me but he hasn’t yet (OK, it’s only been 8 hours since we talked but it makes me think that maybe he’s uncomfortable). I’m probably over-thinking this.
I’m nervous for several reasons.... first, this will be my first experience with this whole poly thing. I have other male friends and professional contacts that I meet for coffee but never one that I’ve been attracted to. I’m nervous because I don’t want to stress or hurt Rider and being the first one to act on the open marriage platform is a lot of pressure.
Here’s where I need some advice...keeping in mind that Rider is the only man I’ve ever dated (that’s right, folks) and we come from a very conservative “boys ask girls out” and “girls shouldn’t be forward” background. So, I have NO experience in this department. I want Mr. X to know that although I am married I am free to develop my own relationships whether friendly or romantic. I guess I’m also kind of wanting to say in a not too aggressive way that I am interested in both his friendship and a physical relationship if it progresses that way. I don’t want to blow this.
I want to calm any discomfort that Mr. X may have with spending time with a married woman and if he has any interest in me I’d like to open the door for him. I also want to be respectful to Rider and to let Mr. X know that I’m not the kind of woman who goes behind her husband’s back (cheats).
The suspense is getting to me. Part of me wants to just blurt out to Mr. X that Rider and I are in an open marriage and that I’m interested in him, and did I imagine that we had chemistry or did he feel it too and is he interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with me. Then there is part of me (the inexperienced part maybe) that questions whether that approach is wise. I’m afraid that if I’m that blunt that it’s going to overwhelm Mr. X and be too bold and then I’ve exposed myself and it’ll get weird. I hate weirdness and I want this to be a good thing.
As far as I know Mr. X is not poly minded. We are both anthropology students so he’s probably more open to the idea and has had more exposure to the idea than most but who knows. He is single and last I knew, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. We're planning to go on a 1 1/2 hour hike on Wednesday morning (2 days from now). We may meet at the trail head or we may ride to the trail head together since it's a few miles out of town. Hopefully that’s enough info to allow good advice to be given.
I’d appreciate any and all comments and advice you may have for me on how I can bring the topic up or if I should just bluntly go for it.
Oh, I’m thinking that if I don’t tell him up front that he will avoid spending time with me because he doesn’t want to cross any lines since I’m married. Then the chemistry will fade and I’ll have missed an opportunity to do something that I want to do.
OK, I’ll shut up now.
I’m really nervous! I am interested in this man as a friend and I’m attracted to him physically. We had chemistry although I did not do anything to lead him on because Rider and I were in a closed relationship at the time.
I emailed Mr.X a few days ago and suggested we get together. We had talked about biking or hiking together last time we spoke. He replied that “absolutely we should get together”. I called him today to set that up and he’s going to get back to me with the details. He said he’d call or e-mail me but he hasn’t yet (OK, it’s only been 8 hours since we talked but it makes me think that maybe he’s uncomfortable). I’m probably over-thinking this.
I’m nervous for several reasons.... first, this will be my first experience with this whole poly thing. I have other male friends and professional contacts that I meet for coffee but never one that I’ve been attracted to. I’m nervous because I don’t want to stress or hurt Rider and being the first one to act on the open marriage platform is a lot of pressure.
Here’s where I need some advice...keeping in mind that Rider is the only man I’ve ever dated (that’s right, folks) and we come from a very conservative “boys ask girls out” and “girls shouldn’t be forward” background. So, I have NO experience in this department. I want Mr. X to know that although I am married I am free to develop my own relationships whether friendly or romantic. I guess I’m also kind of wanting to say in a not too aggressive way that I am interested in both his friendship and a physical relationship if it progresses that way. I don’t want to blow this.
I want to calm any discomfort that Mr. X may have with spending time with a married woman and if he has any interest in me I’d like to open the door for him. I also want to be respectful to Rider and to let Mr. X know that I’m not the kind of woman who goes behind her husband’s back (cheats).
The suspense is getting to me. Part of me wants to just blurt out to Mr. X that Rider and I are in an open marriage and that I’m interested in him, and did I imagine that we had chemistry or did he feel it too and is he interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with me. Then there is part of me (the inexperienced part maybe) that questions whether that approach is wise. I’m afraid that if I’m that blunt that it’s going to overwhelm Mr. X and be too bold and then I’ve exposed myself and it’ll get weird. I hate weirdness and I want this to be a good thing.
As far as I know Mr. X is not poly minded. We are both anthropology students so he’s probably more open to the idea and has had more exposure to the idea than most but who knows. He is single and last I knew, he doesn’t have a girlfriend. We're planning to go on a 1 1/2 hour hike on Wednesday morning (2 days from now). We may meet at the trail head or we may ride to the trail head together since it's a few miles out of town. Hopefully that’s enough info to allow good advice to be given.
I’d appreciate any and all comments and advice you may have for me on how I can bring the topic up or if I should just bluntly go for it.
Oh, I’m thinking that if I don’t tell him up front that he will avoid spending time with me because he doesn’t want to cross any lines since I’m married. Then the chemistry will fade and I’ll have missed an opportunity to do something that I want to do.
OK, I’ll shut up now.