Wide Awake

New Attitude

I am in my office and eating lunch. Monday's are full of madness. My hubby finally sent me a text in between his afternoon rounds. He apologised for being distant and said that we should talk tonight. We wanted to grab lunch together, but our schedules did not match up for that today. Rain check for sure. :)

Someone sent me a PM, and it tickled me. I want my children to do as I say and not as a did. They have no clue what has been going on.

  • Mummy and daddy are in counselling.
  • Daddy and mummy #2 are not on speaking terms, and he is trying to keep them apart.
  • Mummy #2 is about to be 16k km away and cut off in every sense of the word because she decided not to move.
  • Paternal grandma despised mummy #2 and banned her from being part of any family activities including but not limited to birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, reunions, holidays, etc.
  • Mummy sucked in the communication department and was very selfish.
  • Daddy is being something like a martyr, and his heart is not softening at all.
  • Mummy is in the middle of it and trying to keep the peace so that the environment stays stable and healthy.
  • Mummy has days where she wants to shake some sense into daddy and mummy #2.

Would I want them to be part of a dynamic or relationship like this? Goodness, no. The average person would want to scream.

I would love for Matt and Si to just talk. Not like they did the last time, which turned into a nasty, vicious argument where insults were flying like fur. I want them to remember the point where they first formed a friendship, and when they had feelings for each other. I want them to remember how happy we all were for NYE and the days following. I want them to both apologise from the heart and repair their friendship at best. I want Matt to realise that yes, some of our actions were wrong and out of place, but we never intended to hurt him or to make him feel like he was not valued.

I am inviting her over at some point this week. I am not asking Matt. I am telling him. I will probably tell him tonight, since we already have plans to talk.

They are not going to resolve their issues on their own, and I know they will not seek professional help. I am coming up with rules and boundaries for this sit-down. There will be no insults hurled, no eye rolling, no passive aggressive behaviour, no yelling, no screaming, no hitting below the belt, no disrespect, no name-calling, and no putting anyone out. They need to face each other and man or woman up. If there are any issues, they need to confront them and get them off of their chests in a civil and respectful manner.

We have two children who are far from 18. One of them is not even one, yet. We have a long way to go. They have grown accustomed to having three parents, and they both love us all equally. It is not fair for him to use our children against her because he is upset and has chosen not to confront his issues with her. Just as it was not fair for her to shut them out when she was upset. She still has some making up to do, but she has not been able to do so.

I do not care if they cannot stand each other. They better grin like some damn Cheshires and act like every day is a trip to Walt Disney World and like they really are in the happiest place on earth. Our children will be the focus.

Since I am forced to be a mediator, I am going to act like one. To keep the peace, there will be no speaking until given the okay to do so. I am treating it like a debate. Person 1 speak your peace and be receptive to what is being said. Person 2 offer your rebuttal and be mindful of what you are saying. Go back and forth in a calm manner. The ultimate goal is to reach some type of agreement that they can live with. For the record, I have no problem interrupting and/or telling someone to hush or shut the hell up.

We will agree on a visitation schedule and a day to implement it. I have their schedules for the entire month of May. They did not realise why I was asking for them, so I now know when they are on-call, have off days, and such. I have already started a sample schedule. We will discuss the terms and come to a mutual agreement. They will both sign it and agree to abide by it. No intentional interference, no arguments, and if there are changes, 24-48 hours notice. Parenting is not easy, but we are going to work together like a team. Our children did not ask for any of this. I am leaving room for adjustments or the unexpected like falling ill.

Something about today has left me with a fresh perspective and a new attitude. For two months, this has been running our lives, and personally, I want my life back. I do not know about them, but I am taking control of the wheel and putting this back on the right path.
 
Glad to hear Matt is talking again. It's one thing to know that *something* is wrong, it's another thing to know *what* is wrong.

Keep us posted on how things go with the negotiations.
 
I am not surprised by what is happening. Matt is working on relationship and is going to parential alienation. Si is not doing any work on abandoning the kids and disappointing them. All it takes is a monkey and a sweet Jesus and you are moving forward without discussing it in counseling with Matt. Shoving his thoughts aside and giving him boundaries,Si didn't return calls and didn't show up at recitals. I personally hoped you could work this through. Any thoughts as to holding so to the same standards. Honest, she bailed on your kids and if she were behaving like a estranged parent she would have been in touch to make arrangements. She didn't till you saw a monkey. I really hope you keep your ears open and acknowledge his feelings as much as hers.
 
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God I hope you know what youre doing.

Are they going to be giving the opportunity to prepare? Or is it going to be a surprise...like an intervention ?


If it's going to be forced I see this as possibly going sideways form the prospective of ....YOU "deciding" on a course of action "again." this summit ... You getting schedules and deciding a 3 parent dynamic is whats best ...You acting as mediator. AND then the blow back from all the past decisions " you " made which got you all there in the first place. How much of makes shut down (wakening ) is also a rebellion of you getting to decide ?

I get why you want and need to do this but I see the potential for another blow out ...and this one will be directed right at you. Someone (Matt ) might think "you're doing it again " you didnt hear me... "I told you I dont want a relationship with her and so I don't need to apologize and make nice....plus I didn't do anything wrong. And on and on we go.


I thought there was a level of volatility still, wasnt that one of the points your father try to convey.

Could you run this idea past your counselor see if he or she sees any major flags with it.

However cooler heads might prevail and they both might welcome you efforts ...either way GOOD luck.
 
I haven't been on here in weeks. Popping in to check messages and skim. I just wanted to comment on some things. I'm still trying to figure out why she needs to be involved in the raising of our kids. Nobody can seem to tell me what it is that she contributes. She does a couple of tasks, and suddenly she's mother of the year material? Yeah, right. What a joke. I didn't realise parents could choose when to parent their kids. I'm going to be a dad from M-W, and I'm off for the rest of the week. I know the Mrs. would blow a fuse if I stepped to her and said that.

My irritation with Snowflake increased to an insurmountable level when she blew off my kid more than once. I don't play that. That's not cool. I feel like my wife is giving me hell because I'm alienating the non-parent. She had no contact with them by her own choice. What were the consequences of that? Nothing. I had to be psychoanalysed by another shrink. He got an earful from me. Man, you're not going to play me like I'm the culprit and overlook what Snowflake did.

Call me overprotective. I may be dead tired, mad, or irritated, but that won't stop me from being a competent parent and being there for them. She was upset? So what? Life happened and tossed some waves and heavy currents. Find a safe harbour and keep it moving. Why would I want somebody flaky around my kids? The last thing they need is a wanna-be "parent" disappointing them. It's part of my job to protect them and shield them, and I stand firm in my belief that they need to be shielded from her. What has she done to prove that's earned that coveted mother title? Sleeping with my wife and being in a relationship with her isn't enough to warrant a relationship with my kids of that magnitude. That is a privilege. Not a right. A right that should have been discussed with me. My time was already divided before my kids entered the world. Every time I think about it, I get mad. Had my wife listened to me years ago, this bullshit wouldn't be happening now.

She's not going to be around my kids. I haven't seen a thing that even implies that she's even committed to it full-time. Part-time mother just isn't going to cut it. My kids will be fine with or without her. I don't care about her feelings. Call me cold or mean. That's not part of my job description. Perhaps if she hadn't been trying to replace me and push me out like I was donor #00153, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

I'll talk to the precious one. She's in for a rude awakening because I'm not backing down on the parenting issue. My Mrs. is now aware of my terms for this meet and greet. They have been negotiated, and she's not in control of this. I have been heard, so I don't have a problem. Therapy might be working. I'll apologise because I should've walked away instead of letting the argument escalate to the point of me kicking her out of the house that day. I may apologise for some other things if it feels right. That's all I'm agreeing to.

I'm not being forced into doing anything. I was forced into accepting this arrangement, but I won't be forced into accepting her as a "parent" or anything else that I disagree with. I'm standing my ground with no intentions of backing down. It's what it is.
 
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I'm just going to point out two contradictions.

1) You're saying that she doesn't deserve to be treated as someone important to your kids because she wasn't around full-time. And yet the crux of your issue with her, when the issue began surfacing, was that you felt she was around way too much.

2) You say you're protecting the kids from her because she flaked out for a while after the breakup. You left your house for two weeks during that same time, leaving them to be raised by a single parent.
 
I'm just going to point out two contradictions.

1) You're saying that she doesn't deserve to be treated as someone important to your kids because she wasn't around full-time. And yet the crux of your issue with her, when the issue began surfacing, was that you felt she was around way too much.

2) You say you're protecting the kids from her because she flaked out for a while after the breakup. You left your house for two weeks during that same time, leaving them to be raised by a single parent.

Being around on and off isn't what a parent does. That's what she did. There's no contradiction. She decided to increase her motherly duties. By choosing, I mean selecting when to be there. Nope, I'm not calling her a parent. Selective parenting. Where's that acceptable or cool? How many parents get to pick and choose when they want to be one? I signed up to do this until I take my last breath.

I did leave. One time. It wasn't a habit. I wasn't in the state of mind to stay a minute longer. You want the truth? My wife got on my nerves, and it wasn't like we had a marriage any more. I couldn't stand to be around her. She knows it. Why do you think divorce rolled off my tongue so easily? We weren't talking. We were arguing over every little thing. Our kids picked up on it, and it wasn't a loving or stable environment. She still wasn't listening to me, was still too wrapped up in her relationship, and I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I hated being away from my kids, but I despised being around her even more. I kept in contact with them and never said a word to her the entire first week I was gone. Sad truth, but it was reality.
 
I haven't been on here in weeks. Popping in to check messages and skim. I just wanted to comment on some things. I'm still trying to figure out why she needs to be involved in the raising of our kids. Nobody can seem to tell me what it is that she contributes. She does a couple of tasks, and suddenly she's mother of the year material? Yeah, right. What a joke. I didn't realise parents could choose when to parent their kids. I'm going to be a dad from M-W, and I'm off for the rest of the week. I know the Mrs. would blow a fuse if I stepped to her and said that.

My irritation with Snowflake increased to an insurmountable level when she blew off my kid more than once. I don't play that. That's not cool. I feel like my wife is giving me hell because I'm alienating the non-parent. She had no contact with them by her own choice. What were the consequences of that? Nothing. I had to be psychoanalysed by another shrink. He got an earful from me. Man, you're not going to play me like I'm the culprit and overlook what Snowflake did.

Call me overprotective. I may be dead tired, mad, or irritated, but that won't stop me from being a competent parent and being there for them. She was upset? So what? Life happened and tossed some waves and heavy currents. Find a safe harbour and keep it moving. Why would I want somebody flaky around my kids? The last thing they need is a wanna-be "parent" disappointing them. It's part of my job to protect them and shield them, and I stand firm in my belief that they need to be shielded from her. What has she done to prove that's earned that coveted mother title? Sleeping with my wife and being in a relationship with her isn't enough to warrant a relationship with my kids of that magnitude. That is a privilege. Not a right. A right that should have been discussed with me. My time was already divided before my kids entered the world. Every time I think about it, I get mad. Had my wife listened to me years ago, this bullshit wouldn't be happening now.

She's not going to be around my kids. I haven't seen a thing that even implies that she's even committed to it full-time. Part-time mother just isn't going to cut it. My kids will be fine with or without her. I don't care about her feelings. Call me cold or mean. That's not part of my job description. Perhaps if she hadn't been trying to replace me and push me out like I was donor #00153, we wouldn't be in this predicament.

I'll talk to the precious one. She's in for a rude awakening because I'm not backing down on the parenting issue. My Mrs. is now aware of my terms for this meet and greet. They have been negotiated, and she's not in control of this. I have been heard, so I don't have a problem. Therapy might be working. I'll apologise because I should've walked away instead of letting the argument escalate to the point of me kicking her out of the house that day. I may apologise for some other things if it feels right. That's all I'm agreeing to.

I'm not being forced into doing anything. I was forced into accepting this arrangement, but I won't be forced into accepting her as a "parent" or anything else that I disagree with. I'm standing my ground with no intentions of backing down. It's what it is.

BOTH of you don't need to air this out in a forum. Don't do it. Talk to one another - instead of at each other here. Don't continue, for your own sakes.

Show some maturity, don't become fodder for online drama fans.
 
BOTH of you don't need to air this out in a forum. Don't do it. Talk to one another - instead of at each other here. Don't continue, for your own sakes.

Show some maturity, don't become fodder for online drama fans.

There's no drama. We've already talked about it. I'm not a fan of being painted as the villain, so I spoke up for myself. No biggie. There's no confusion because it's coming from me. My thoughts and words. I'm owning them.
 
There's no drama. We've already talked about it. I'm not a fan of being painted as the villain, so I spoke up for myself. No biggie. There's no confusion because it's coming from me. My thoughts and words. I'm owning them.

Yeah, usually you'll find that you can't undo a perception that's already been 'painted'. Most of the time, people don't even care about who looks worse. And for those that do care, you might not bother with anyway.
 
I am exhausted to the point of tears. I think if I start crying I may not stop this morning. Monday was non-stop. I love my career, but there are certain things I can do without. Working overtime is one and missing time with my children is another. I walked in around 6, monitored things remotely, had dinner with family, talked to my hubby, took a nap, and left back out again. It is pushing 2 AM, and I am just getting home. What was I thinking when I chose this career path? I cannot let it get me down. Only the strong survive, and weakness is not welcome. I have made it this far. On a happier note, I am looking forward to my new job. My thesis is due in May, and by the glory of some higher being, I will be done in June. This has been a long time coming. I have to hang in there a little longer. :)

I need to get away from all of this for a couple of days. It is changing my attitude in a bad way. I am not in the habit of yelling at my children, but whatever my daughter was doing made me raise my voice. It was something really minor, but I was still annoyed, raised my voice, and sent her on her way. It made her cry. I think she just wanted the batteries in something changed, but if that is all it takes to make me raise my voice, I am too wound up and too stressed out. I apologised, but that was just another sign that my patience is wearing thin and defeat is impending. :(

This situation is just so unfortunate on so many different fronts. No one has the answer to make it better. I am not the type to be defeated by a situation. I think there is this assumption that I am acting in haste. My life has been filled with hell since 7 March. Every single day has reared some form of hell, and it has not been a pleasant ride. It is exhausting. That glimmer of hope is slowly dimming. Do I want peace? Yes. Do I want to be able to wake up and not worry about who is pissed off or having a craptastic day? Yes. Do I want to wake up again and see that my husband has not even slept in our bed due to being upset behind something that happened? No. Do I want to be in the same house for 7 (+/-) hours and only say ten words to the person I am married to? No. I cannot explain the way that made me feel. For hours, he was alone and away from me because of my actions against him. It seemed like it took a toll on him to even mumble the word, "Morning," yesterday.

I know there are consequences for every action, but good Lord, even the strongest person would be crumbling by now. Natural childbirth was easier than this. The postop recovery was more pleasant than waking up to this day after day. I tip toe around land mines all day. This is no way to live. People's response to that is, "Maybe you should get a divorce." What does divorce solve? It still does not mean my communication will get any better. It will not be in the best interests of my children. The divorce is the first half, but guess what? There would still be a custody dispute, and they have the potential to be more devastating than divorces. Things may not be peachy and rosy, but they are not bad enough to start down that path. I am not sure I want to put my children or myself through that until we have tried every option.

I know how Matt feels. It has been discussed in great detail at home, in counselling, and in between sessions as well. None of what he is saying is a surprise to me. I do not care if he comments on here. I prefer it that way, so I do not have to speak for him or relay what was said when I do these check-ins. He has a voice, and I hope that continues to use it.

I have made some mistakes, and the process to correct them is a challenge. Could I have done a worse bang-up job? I am tired of being stressed out. My BP was elevated yesterday to the point of my developing a headache that I never could shake. I am tired of counselling. I am tired of talking about my feelings. I feel the same way I felt last week, the week before, and the week before that one, too. I am tired of my life being something straight out of a telenovela. I am tired of being in between them. Being the messenger sucks terribly. I am tired of pretending that I am okay, when I really want to scream. I do not want empathy, regrets, or anything else. I want peace and happiness. Is that too much to ask for? I am tired of walking on land mines. I am tired of my every move and choice being analysed and critiqued to death by people in my life. Do they have to life with this hell? No, so I need them to not mumble a peep. I am tired of being told that I am not doing this or that right. I am tired of people telling me how bad I messed up. I am tired of hearing how this is not fair to x person, and this is not fair to y person. I know I am still making the same mistakes. Some of them feel right but are really wrong. I know these things. There is no happy medium or happy ending for some of these issues.

Maybe I should have kept her cut off when she distanced herself from our children. That probably would have been wrong of ME. That did upset me because I was the one who had to explain it to my children. She managed to come out of the crossfire unharmed. She was not the one who had to answer questions and deal with the aftermath of her decision to shut down. I addressed it briefly. I foolishly let her get away with it, but I think I am holding him to a different and rather unfair standard. The imbalance is apparently still going on and happening right now. This was a mistake, and it is not right. I can admit when I am wrong, and this time my response was wrong.

I just got in, so I am going to take a shower and attempt to get some sleep. I know today is going to be a 12+ hour day. I ran like a chicken with my head cut off yesterday, and I get to wake up today and do it all over again. Joy. I need to take some time off but duty calls. I will take care of myself later. These days work is my saving grace and the only place where I can escape from this. Today has to be a better day. I just needed to vent. I am feeling broken and defeated right now.

Night.

Ry
 
I hope I have not come across as critical in any way; if I have I apologize. I don't see any harmless ways to go, and you do seem to be stuck with the position of middle man and the bearer of bad news. I am guessing that Si will eventually have to go out of the picture, and the most hopeful prospect seems to be that you'll be moving and getting a fresh start. This is just a prediction, not necessarily a prescription. I respect whatever you decide, and I do wish you peace in your life.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Wishing you peace as well, Ry.
 
Man, you guys are in deep shit. Matt is SO bitter. I feel bad for all of you.

I abhor sarcasm. It has no place in a loving relationship.
 
I finally stretched myself beyond my means. I asked the NP to take over and handle appointments today. It is not in my nature to cancel at the last minute, but I just could not handle it. I am just going in on my day off now and catch up on whatever I need to. I have not left the area because I am not pawning my OB patients off on another doctor. L&D knows how to reach me, and I am monitoring things remotely. I called our nanny to check on my children, and I let her know that I would be spending the day outside of work, but if she needed me, I could be reached with ease.

I needed to be by myself, so I took the time. My schedule is insane by itself. I have no idea how I have made it this long without snapping. I am feeling much better today. The daily grind finally took its toll.

This is a run-down of my schedule with no on-call duties. This was a day last week but most days are fairly similar. It depends on whether my day starts at 8 or 10. If 10, everything just gets pushed back a little bit.

0530 -- Alarm goes off.
0545 -- After brushing my teeth and everything, I pump breast milk and go over my to-do list. Some mornings I update on here with a morning check-in.
0615-0645 -- Jog on the treadmill to wake myself up and get my blood pumping, if it is not g gym day
0650-0710 -- Shower and wonder how I do this every day. Get dressed (scrubs usually), throw my hair into a bun, and sprint downstairs. Matt has already gotten the clothes out for children and cooked breakfast.
0715-0740 -- Breakfast with Matt and our children, find out the plans the nanny has, review any expenses she needs, give her the okay, hug my children, make sure I have everything I need, and leave by...
0745 -- Walk outside of the house to an awaiting car service.
0800 -- At work.
0810-0825 -- Morning rounds to check on patients who delivered the previous day or evening, chat with family members, chat with the nurses, and head to my office to have some the Starbucks (double blended mocha frap) that someone was kind enough to pick up for me. Usually the NP.
0830 -- Still drinking my DBMF and reviewing patients for the day
0840 -- First appointment of the day. Patient is complaining of ongoing infection. Turns out it is not a run of the mill case of Bacterial Vaginosis or a case of imbalanced pH due to yeast or something. She has HSV-II, but I still want to have a full work-up to rule out any other issues.. (It was later confirmed to be so.) After letting her get dressed, we go into my office to discuss courses of treatment. I have to console her, answer her questions, and inform her that she needs to talk to any partners she has been with that could have been exposed. In-between sobs, patting her hand, and reaffirming that her life is not over, I get informed that my patient is in L&D.
0915 -- Patient hugs me and thanks me for my patience and accepts the prescriptions. She feels better.
0920 -- Write notes, update the chart, and pass the necessary information on.
0925 -- Hop on the elevator, walk into L&D, read the patient's chart, wash my hands, put on gloves, and check for dilation. Only 2 cm dilated. I chat with her and her nervously pacing husband. It is their second child, and he/she was a surprise. They wanted to wait to find out the sex. After I leave them, I head back over to my office, see the rest of my morning patients, bond with them over everything from clothes to the latest movies (helps them relax during pap smears and exams), sign expense reports, wonder what we can cut down on, and keep tabs on my patient in L&D.
1215-1230 -- Morning patients are done. Break in between patients, so I pump some milk and store it in the refrigerator in my office. I sometimes text Matt/Si to see how their days are going or do a few yoga moves. I keep a yoga mat in my office.
1240 -- Find out the patient is now 4 cm. Meet the first afternoon patient, and she brightened my day. She is expecting baby number four and there for the first visible US. Baby has a strong heartbeat and all is healthy with mum and baby. Schedule her for an amnio, listen to her cravings, and answer questions about what is/is not normal. Her bubbly nature filled me with happiness.
1300-1400 -- Early lunch day. I use this time to call my nanny and check on my children. She offers to send pictures she snapped during the day. Car service is waiting, and I head to lunch. I receive a call about my patient midway through lunch.
1415-1540 -- More patients, annuals, OB check-ups, birth control appointments, etc.
1545 -- Get update on L&D patient by checking on her. Prostaglandin has kicked in, and the labour is progressing rather rapidly. Not quite time to call the anaesthesiologist or the angel of pain relief, though. The plans of natural birth went out the window when the PGE ^2 kicked in. :D
1600 -- Text Matt to let him know I may or not be home for dinner. Sit in my office and eat some cookies baked by one of my patients, look at the stack of papers on my desk, push them off until a later date, and find out about my patient. I also pump some more milk and refrigerate it.
1615-1830-- Finish up in my office, check out tomorrow's schedule, and enjoy the quiet. I have a minute, so I pump from the other breast.
1834 -- Stat page. My patient is ready to deliver and crowning. I run to the elevator, sprint through L&D, gown in record time, and by 18:48, after two more pushes and a room full of encouragement, the baby boy is out. I lay him on mummy's chest. I breathe a sigh of relief and blink away tears. The daddy cuts the cord amidst tears. I finish with the patient. As I am working on something, the grandfather of the little tyke asks me if I have a minute. I respond with a smile and say, "Always." He thanks me and tells me I have the best job in the world because I have the chance to help bring new life into the world. He gave me a hug. He was beaming with pride. In that moment, all of the hard work it has taken to get to this point reminds me of why I wake up and do it every day.
1920-1930-- Catch up on charts, call Matt to see how the children are, and what he is up to. Let him know that I will be home in awhile.
1935-2000 -- Technically off duty, but I still complete my rounds, check on my new mummies and babies, chat with family members, receive hugs from parents, grandparents, and loved ones. I also chat with the OB on-call and give them a quick overview.
2015 -- Walk in the house, shower before coming into contact with my children.
2030 -- Dinner with the family.
2100 -- Watch something on the telly with my daughter, talk to Matt, play with my son.
2130 -- Bath time and PJs. I usually French braid my baby's hair before bed, and we read them bedtime stories. I ask my daughter about her day and what she did. My son drinks a bottle while we are reading to him, and he usually falls asleep in our arms. We put him in his crib and walk downstairs.
2150 -- Pump some more milk.
2200 -- Matt asks me if I want a glass of wine? Like he needed to ask. He gives me a massage sent from the gods while I sip my glass of wine and tell him all about my day. I snuggle up to him, close my eyes, and listen to his day, which is usually even more chaotic than my own. We watch something on the telly or just enjoy talking to each other.
2245 -- Head upstairs to either sleep, cuddle, talk some more, or to make love. After, I curl up against him and/or fall asleep in his arms.

Following morning, wake up and do it all over again. The most brutal days are the 24 hour call days. I would not wish those on my worst enemies. It is just once a month, but the average "day" exceeds 24 hours. All I can do on those days is nap when I can, eat lots of protein, and decide whether to stay put, or go home and have to come back.
 
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I hope I have not come across as critical in any way; if I have I apologize. I don't see any harmless ways to go, and you do seem to be stuck with the position of middle man and the bearer of bad news. I am guessing that Si will eventually have to go out of the picture, and the most hopeful prospect seems to be that you'll be moving and getting a fresh start. This is just a prediction, not necessarily a prescription. I respect whatever you decide, and I do wish you peace in your life.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

You have not. You have been more than supportive. I am just in a constant state of the Twilight Zone these days and balancing the impossible. I just had to vent when I came in this morning. It became too much. I am okay now. :)
 
Man, you guys are in deep shit. Matt is SO bitter. I feel bad for all of you.

I abhor sarcasm. It has no place in a loving relationship.

He is not being sarcastic. That is the bad part. If only it was sarcasm. He is bitter and resentful. I think people finally see what I have been dealing with. No exaggerations needed from me. He is showing his true colours of his own accord, and it is not a pleasant image at all.
 
He is not being sarcastic. That is the bad part. If only it was sarcasm. He is bitter and resentful. I think people finally see what I have been dealing with. No exaggerations needed from me. He is showing his true colours of his own accord, and it is not a pleasant image at all.

Under similar circumstances, I don't know that many people who would be much different from how Matt is reacting. He makes some good points, and forcing reactions from him over the parenting quandary aren't making him look any better to you or anyone else. Matt's PR is beside the point though, regardless of how he appears you know him differently than people in this forum making snap judgements about his quality. That being said, he obviously wants no part of your ex for himself, and to a very restricted degree in his children's lives, and your pushing the issue just creates more stress.

You guys don't appear to be splitting up, but you're determined to have her around, and he's not. Someone needs to back off their position, and frankly I don't expect that it will be him. If indeed he is as adamant as his post indicates.

Your choices seem clear to me, either way. Seems like Matt has made his stand and is sticking to it. Whether you accept it or not will define your relationship going forward.

So, will you accept it, or won't you? Because all the talk in the world won't change anything, this late in the game.

You had a part in creating this situation, and so did they. I think blame and recriminations are pointless and counter productive. As I've stated before, you've got to get past this disturbance and get back to living life. One way or another. With or without people who are present today. You know the boundaries, disagreeable though they may be. So now, it's up to you to choose what to do for yourself and family.

In spite of it all though, I think all of you are erring in forcing these issues when you're at your worst, and most prone to making irrational statements and judgements. There's nothing informed about decisions made under duress. For anyone. What can you both do to constructively resolve this while creating some peace in yourselves, whilst being willing to live with the outcome of the decisions?
 
I spent several hours at the spa. The average treatment was about two hours. I received everything from a champagne mani/pedi to a scalp massage to an hour and half long body massage. They believe in holistic treatments. I am more relaxed than I have been in years. Today was worth it.

I have checked on things at the office, no patients of mine are in L&D (could change at any minute), and I have checked on my children all throughout the day. Their nanny has forwarded me pictures of their various adventures. My son has plenty of milk, but if he needs more than what I left, I can get there in minutes.

I went home for a short time. I packed a bag because I am not staying at home tonight. I needed to pick up my laptop and cell phone chargers and get clothes for tonight and work tomorrow. I pumped some more milk and put it in the refrigerator, too. I texted my nanny to let her know it was in there if needed.

Matt should be able to handle things for one night. I am only about 15 minutes from home, so it is not like I cannot be reached. I have my work cell and personal cell, and where I am is no secret. He has the room number, too.

I have even indulged in a little retail therapy. I needed some new jeans and more casual clothing. I found this little store right down from my hotel, and I found the cutest little shirts for like £5. The average dress was £10. They had a really great sale, which I love. I could have went to High Street and spent the final amount on one piece.

A 24 hour break is minor, but I need it. I just left Pret-a-Manger. I love their chocolate croissants. I am back in, and I am going to rest before dinner and chat with my children. I am just going to have a nice, quiet dinner for one at this new restaurant. After dinner, I am going to retire for the evening, read a book, watch "Don't Tell The Bride, and get some much needed rest.

I am going to read a few threads on here and maybe offer advice. I am okay now, though. I just needed to step back and find a place for my head. :)

Ry
 
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