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Old 06-03-2015, 11:36 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Default Walking and Falling

I'm starting a new thread here, as it seems there may soon be some new developments in my life.

The title comes from Laurie Anderson, Big Science (1982):

Quote:
You're walking.
And you don't always realize it, but you're always falling.
With each step you fall forward slightly.
And then catch yourself from falling.
Over and over, you're falling.
And then catching yourself from falling.
And this is how you can be walking and falling at the same time.
(You can listen to the number - not so much a song, really - here: https://youtu.be/02BIaMBfUc8 )

I keep thinking of this because I sort of maybe am starting to fall for someone, and catching myself from falling.

Over and over.

(I also keep thinking of the old joke about the man falling from the top of the Empire State Building who, as he passed the 60th floor, was heard to say: "Well! So far, so good!")

More anon.
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Old 06-03-2015, 11:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hyperskeptic;298295
The title comes from Laurie Anderson, [I
Big Science[/I] (1982):

(You can listen to the number - not so much a song, really - here: https://youtu.be/02BIaMBfUc8 )
.
That quote about walking and falling applies not only to waking, but also to dance, which is often little more than a kind of dialectic of dancing and falling.

It is often said that all of life resembles dance.
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Old 06-06-2015, 09:32 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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So, I just spent the afternoon with the person of interest to whom I alluded in my last post, she for whom I am sort of maybe falling a little bit, sort of, and catching myself, and so on.

We got together for a couple of hours at her place to play some tunes, drink tea, and talk about music and work and neighborhoods and other matters.

Thinking about it on the way home, I reached a moment of clarity about the afternoon, my nascent friendship with her, and what it all says about my own development over the past few years.

I don't think it's accurate to say I'm falling for her, in the usual sense of that phrase. I'm not head over heels, or in a mad passion, or anything like that, though I do catch myself imagining what it might be like if she and I were, at some point on down the road, to become more intimate.

Instead, I think I just like her a whole lot, and I find it very easy to be with her and talk to her and enjoy our common interests in work and music and life.

Our afternoon of talking and playing music was exactly what it should have been, an opening session of what promises to be a very fine friendship, or at least a happy long-term acquaintanceship.

It's all so blissfully uncomplicated and, while I might be quite happy for my relationship with her to develop in one particular direction or another, I feel no internal pressure to push it in any particular direction.

If I do catch myself dwelling on happy imaginings of some future state, I have a sense of just how seriously I should take those imaginings.

I'll just remain open to her, see what opportunities there are for us to spend time together, and see what happens from there.
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Old 06-07-2015, 01:52 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
That quote about walking and falling applies not only to waking, but also to dance, which is often little more than a kind of dialectic of dancing and falling.

It is often said that all of life resembles dance.
The main difference between walking and dancing is this: when you're walking, you're falling forward slightly; when you're dancing, you're throwing yourself forward without reservation.

Oh, to live like that!
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Old 02-29-2016, 05:01 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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. . . aaaaand sometimes you don't catch yourself.

This is one of those times, when it seems as though agreeing to polyamory was a sick joke at my own expense.

Far from opening me up to the world, it has left me feeling more hopelessly alone than I have felt since I was a nerdling reject in high school.

Or worse than that. At least when I was in high school I was young and could hope for a better future ahead of me.
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Old 02-29-2016, 07:50 PM
Leetah Leetah is offline
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I am sorry to read that your cautious hope has turned to despair. Feeling hopelessly alone is a terrible feeling. I hope something will change for the better for you soon.

Leetah
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Old 03-02-2016, 03:40 AM
OnceAndFuture OnceAndFuture is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
Far from opening me up to the world, it has left me feeling more hopelessly alone than I have felt since I was a nerdling reject in high school.

Or worse than that. At least when I was in high school I was young and could hope for a better future ahead of me.
I understand. I wish I could say something comforting, but I suppose I can say I understand where you are coming from. I think so far most of what I've learned from polyamory is that the rules we learned in high school (or, for those of us who didn't start dating then, later) just don't seem to apply any more.

Anton Chekhov wrote, "If you're afraid of loneliness, don't marry." I wonder what he, better writer than I could dream of being, would have felt about loneliness and polyamory. I hope that you can find hope, hyperskeptic.
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Old 03-02-2016, 08:01 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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. . . there I was, settling all too comfortably into my deep blue funk, when I did direct my browser to a certain blog I read from time to time, where I found this:

http://the-toast.net/2016/03/02/why-...y-a-text-game/

I spent the next few minutes nearly doubled over in agony and helpless, gleeful laughter at my own expense.

It was just one hit after another:

Quote:
ANTICIPATORILY BLAMED OTHER PEOPLE FOR NOT CALLING YOU WITHOUT ONCE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN’T CALL THEM
Yep.

Quote:
CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING
Okay, not a direct hit . . . but close.

Quote:
STILL JUST WAITING FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING YOUR DESIRES ALOUD
Okay, yeah. That one, too.

Quote:
BELIEVE “PERIODICALLY EXPERIENCING THE HUMAN CONDITION” MEANS SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN WITHIN YOU
Oh, yeah. Especially this one. Especially this week. Almost word for word.

Quote:
TRY COCONUT OIL
Ye . . . wait. What?
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Old 03-02-2016, 08:08 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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LOLS! Well many of my friends swear by coconut oil for all sorts of things, so, hey, try it! One never knows!

And, yeah, that was a bit painful to read. Stupid internet articles being insightful and stuff...

Sometimes all one can do is laugh at one's own idiocy and keep going. (Dori's 'Just keep swimming!' is rather deep advice that way.)
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Old 03-02-2016, 09:04 PM
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GirlFromTexlahoma GirlFromTexlahoma is offline
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Quote:
CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING
This is the most *me* thing I've ever read I think I'm just going to have it printed on a t-shirt and wear it every day, so I can stop pretending to be easy-going and then wondering why no one understands me

I hope things are looking up a little, hyperskeptic
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