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  #1  
Old 04-09-2014, 08:44 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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Default I'm back, heheh

Heyla folks whom were here last time I was about, been a few years, I took a break from poly as my lady love died, my hubby of heart kinda dumped me and just focused on my husband and I.

Hubby and I are awesome, talk and communicate so well, but I've been feeling the desire for another in my life, I'm not quite ready for another lady yet, so I thought I'd look for a boyfriend, not as easy as I thought it would be.

Been on okcupid for a bit, not really finding what I'm looking for, have a few poly friends, none I see as serious bf materiel, they are more into fwb, and thats fine, but not what I want or need. I want the emotional attachment as well if not more than a physical one. Only one guy amongst our friends sorta fits the bill, but he is mono and I've no idea if he thinks of me in a romantic or platonic way, but hubby and I have discuseed and he is fine if this friend and I discover we had feelings for each other.

went out with said friend "R" for lunch the other day, tried to bring up the topic of who he is interested in, he would not say specifically whom, but he did say he liked one of his married lady friends, but he also said something along the lines of "I'm not going there". And he did state he is really not interested in dating anyone at this time.

so heres the confusion to me, why mention he is attracted to a married friend? I know some of his past, hes divorced now, was married and his wife cheated repeatedly, so mayhaps he can't get past that? also, he was like grinning at the time so, I kinda think he wants permission to be sure my hubby is okay with him letting me know he likes me?

I want so badly to respect him stating he isnt interested in dating anyone right now, but I can't see to get him off my mind, i know i already have feelings for him, but I don't want to ruin our friendship by saying anything, in case he does NOT think of me that way.

My hubby and R are very good friends, been friends longer than hubby and I been married, so that could have to do with it, he also mentioned his kids aren't really ready to see him date anyone yet since his divorce (hes been divorced about 2 yrs I think). But I dont want to be his new wife or his kids new mom, I would love to be there friend and get to know them more, but I don't want another family.

my idea is we could be bf/gf, if he is willing, and I can make him happy while he looks for his new primary. I dont want to be primary to anyone else, I was secondary to my last hubby of heart, and I guess I am hoping a relationship where I can be someones secondary would be not so hard to find. R seems like a great match, I know hes got kids, hes gots his work, so I know I will not get alot of his time and I dont mind at all, but I guess I never really bothered to consider him wanting /needing more than I can offer.

well, anyways, I'm back, looking again, searching for the happy shape that works for me
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  #2  
Old 04-10-2014, 01:46 AM
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swirlingnurse swirlingnurse is offline
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You've been through quite a lot! I hope you find what you're looking for. Once you go poly, monogamy isn't good enough lol
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Old 04-10-2014, 10:21 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings vampiresscammy,
Welcome back.

It seems to me that confessing your feelings to R is rather inevitable in spite of the risk. Oh I suppose there's not telling him and letting it go, but what if that leaves you haunted with "what ifs?" "What if I had asked him ..." etc.

Is there some way you can "confess" by bits and bites? He might already be doing that. Anyway, in romance, there's always a risk. Someone has to take the dare to go first and say, "This is how I feel. Do you by any chance feel likewise?"

However it goes with R, I hope you'll find the poly connection you're looking for.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 04-17-2014, 06:05 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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Thank you both for the welcome Swirl and Kevin.

And thank you Kevin for the advice, I will think on it and see what I'm willing to brave, for now I am keeping my feelings to myself, and if nothing drastic changes R and I are possibly going to a social event together in the middle of May, is it okay to hope something might be said/heard/acknowledged?

I want to be brave and admit to R how I feel, just not quite ready yet I guess, sigh, does it ever get easier to take that chance?
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:17 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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It's always okay to hope.

I don't know whether it gets easier to take the chance; if it does, I suspect it never gets easy per se.

Who knows, maybe R is nervous too.
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