Ihavequestions
New member
Hi there, I'm actually really glad I found this place.
I've been with my girlfriend for a little over two years. We'd been having monogamous relationship during this period. During this period, I've also had discussions with my lady about how she's bisexual. I love this about her. And to be honest, I'm really open to a lot. Monogamy doesn't have to be my limit.
But three weeks ago, she told me she was polyamorous. Now, she had been expecting things to go horribly. I proved her wrong. I was ecstatic she had opened up to me, and I stressed to her the fact that it did not bother me.
She was elated. But soon after, problems started to arise. She's a very stubborn, and sometimes aggressive person. After a few talks, it seemed like I was getting forced into something.
I made this clear, and she backed down. We remained talking about it, and I did some reading (really resourceful and helpful reading) and I started to appreciate it more. I started to see it a little bit. But my transition from monogamy to this is taking a while. And she's not a patient person. One week after she told me, she tells me she has feelings for her friend of many years. Being as I am, and the past I have (I have plenty of my own problems I need to overcome) this made me feel slightly threatened. Like I didn't have time to process this and be fully comfortable.
And she sits there and criticizes that I talk about my comfortability over her happiness. So I tell her I feel like this is a thing of compromise, from what I read everything needs to be consensual and that this is a time taking process. If it took her so long to accept this, how will it take me three weeks? And now its getting to a point I don't know how to approach this.
Recently, I found out some things that made me uncomfortable. And I brought them to her. She's been on edge ever since, and I'm scared of losing the woman I love. I'm here trying to learn more and be more accepting for her, and I feel like she's browbeating me about it half the time, and being aggressive. Borderline doing what she wants with disregard for how I feel, and I feel like that's not okay. I don't know how to come to her about this without her blaming monogamy and my insecurities. I don't know how to approach the fact that she needs to help me through this instead of pushing me into it.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, and can offer some help, I'd greatly appreciate it. Im just so stuck and lost.
I've been with my girlfriend for a little over two years. We'd been having monogamous relationship during this period. During this period, I've also had discussions with my lady about how she's bisexual. I love this about her. And to be honest, I'm really open to a lot. Monogamy doesn't have to be my limit.
But three weeks ago, she told me she was polyamorous. Now, she had been expecting things to go horribly. I proved her wrong. I was ecstatic she had opened up to me, and I stressed to her the fact that it did not bother me.
She was elated. But soon after, problems started to arise. She's a very stubborn, and sometimes aggressive person. After a few talks, it seemed like I was getting forced into something.
I made this clear, and she backed down. We remained talking about it, and I did some reading (really resourceful and helpful reading) and I started to appreciate it more. I started to see it a little bit. But my transition from monogamy to this is taking a while. And she's not a patient person. One week after she told me, she tells me she has feelings for her friend of many years. Being as I am, and the past I have (I have plenty of my own problems I need to overcome) this made me feel slightly threatened. Like I didn't have time to process this and be fully comfortable.
And she sits there and criticizes that I talk about my comfortability over her happiness. So I tell her I feel like this is a thing of compromise, from what I read everything needs to be consensual and that this is a time taking process. If it took her so long to accept this, how will it take me three weeks? And now its getting to a point I don't know how to approach this.
Recently, I found out some things that made me uncomfortable. And I brought them to her. She's been on edge ever since, and I'm scared of losing the woman I love. I'm here trying to learn more and be more accepting for her, and I feel like she's browbeating me about it half the time, and being aggressive. Borderline doing what she wants with disregard for how I feel, and I feel like that's not okay. I don't know how to come to her about this without her blaming monogamy and my insecurities. I don't know how to approach the fact that she needs to help me through this instead of pushing me into it.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, and can offer some help, I'd greatly appreciate it. Im just so stuck and lost.