Here is my summary of what I think you are saying:
You didn't want to give your husband affection or sex. You told him to go find sex somewhere else. He did. The woman he found fell in love with him. You are watching her give him all the goodies you didn't want to give him. You are watching him enjoy it immensely. You know how you have been treating him, so you think he would naturally want to be with her. To you, that means you lose. I'm going to give you my opinion on a few things. As you read, be aware its only my opinion.
You see life as a competition. The skills you have that allow you to function in life are the skills you developed from seeing life as a competition. All competitions have a winner and a loser. You are used to playing on that ball field. You're used to being the winner (controlling everything around you). That is your comfort zone. The way your husband responds to his girlfriend shows up on your radar as "she is making him happy in ways I am not". That means she is now in charge of him, because she is the one he responds to. You are not used to this new ball field. Your life coping skills are not effective in this new ball field, because those based on competition don't work there. That means you lose.
For that reason you are now willing to give him attention, because you want to get back into the winner's circle. You spent much of this thread analyzing your chances of getting there.
What is really happening here with all of this?
Your husband's girlfriend is showing you who you are and how you've been treating him. You don't like the "you" she is showing you. You're mad at your husband for "making you lose" by enjoying his girlfriend's love for him. The picture of you that she is showing you is going to be in your face as long as she is treating him well, and you are not. You would rather compete with her for what you see as control of him than change into a more secure, loving person. The truth is you're living the life your attitude of competition created for you. Competition says someone HAS to win and someone else HAS to lose, because there isn't enough to go around. Maybe, just maybe, one of these days you'll get tired of that picture she is showing you and let go of the belief that you are only good enough and safe if you are winning.
The skills that a confident loving person uses to function in life are very different from those an emotionally competitive person uses. If you decide to let go of the competitive "not enough" way of thinking some day, you'll have to create a new set of skills. It will be a lot of emotional work to get there. That means it will require an incentive far greater than simply wanting to win your husband back from his girlfriend. I encourage you to face your fears and learn to love yourself. I encourage you to find the strength within to love and honor yourself. The truth is when people see you genuinely loving yourself, they will want to join the party. I hope my words have helped you in some way.
You didn't want to give your husband affection or sex. You told him to go find sex somewhere else. He did. The woman he found fell in love with him. You are watching her give him all the goodies you didn't want to give him. You are watching him enjoy it immensely. You know how you have been treating him, so you think he would naturally want to be with her. To you, that means you lose. I'm going to give you my opinion on a few things. As you read, be aware its only my opinion.
You see life as a competition. The skills you have that allow you to function in life are the skills you developed from seeing life as a competition. All competitions have a winner and a loser. You are used to playing on that ball field. You're used to being the winner (controlling everything around you). That is your comfort zone. The way your husband responds to his girlfriend shows up on your radar as "she is making him happy in ways I am not". That means she is now in charge of him, because she is the one he responds to. You are not used to this new ball field. Your life coping skills are not effective in this new ball field, because those based on competition don't work there. That means you lose.
For that reason you are now willing to give him attention, because you want to get back into the winner's circle. You spent much of this thread analyzing your chances of getting there.
What is really happening here with all of this?
Your husband's girlfriend is showing you who you are and how you've been treating him. You don't like the "you" she is showing you. You're mad at your husband for "making you lose" by enjoying his girlfriend's love for him. The picture of you that she is showing you is going to be in your face as long as she is treating him well, and you are not. You would rather compete with her for what you see as control of him than change into a more secure, loving person. The truth is you're living the life your attitude of competition created for you. Competition says someone HAS to win and someone else HAS to lose, because there isn't enough to go around. Maybe, just maybe, one of these days you'll get tired of that picture she is showing you and let go of the belief that you are only good enough and safe if you are winning.
The skills that a confident loving person uses to function in life are very different from those an emotionally competitive person uses. If you decide to let go of the competitive "not enough" way of thinking some day, you'll have to create a new set of skills. It will be a lot of emotional work to get there. That means it will require an incentive far greater than simply wanting to win your husband back from his girlfriend. I encourage you to face your fears and learn to love yourself. I encourage you to find the strength within to love and honor yourself. The truth is when people see you genuinely loving yourself, they will want to join the party. I hope my words have helped you in some way.