First, I'm not poly. My girlfriend last night basically dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she was 'poly' and always has been. I kind of thought I knew where this was going, but I wanted her to explain it to me. She basically said it was "when you get something from another partner you can't get from one". Kind of little irritated I asked her what I couldn't give to her. She said she couldn't explain it. I asked her who else would she be "getting what she needed from". She started talking about how she connected to another guy at a party with her buddies doin' shrooms and the usual sort. They connected on something reasonable, but I asked, "why can't you guys just be friends". She shook her head and said I "didn't understand". I had always been suspicious of her wanting to go after others, but I held my intuition inside and considered it jealousy. I didn't want to be that guy. However, she has not done the same.
We both in our past jobs out of HS were working as servers and she would be jealous and lose her mind to the point of threatening other women who even eyed me. Later on nights she would tell me how she was worried I would leave her for a girl in there. She would tell me about how they were trying to flirt with me, me of course being kind of awkward I don't pick up on it and I'll be honest, I was literally 90% of the time trying to get through their orders thinking about how I have to take a shit. I told her this and she said she'd still always be worried.
I pointed this out to her and she said it was because I was her "primal" and I always would be. I don't believe that either because we admitted we liked each other and talked about while she was dating another person. She said that she "settled" for that guy and really wanted to be with me. The guy was a giant douche in general. The thing that doesn't make sense is she was obviously furious, and still is when she talks about it, when he started seeing another girl on the side. That doesn't sound very poly either.
The thing that hurt me the absolute most was she lied throughout the entire relationship. She's bisexual, I don't care. Honestly If she wants to fool around with girls even though I'm only straight, idc. I told her as long as she didn't have feelings for them and she wasn't chasing guys around. She said she was monogamous when she was with a man and then didn't have feelings for the girls. I said okay and told her, "I could never really love anybody but you though personally". Last night though I pointed that whole conversation out to her though and she flipped it around and basically said she felt feelings for women and chases guys too. I burst into fucking tears and felt like such an idiot for believing her.
I personally think she just isn't wanting the relationship anymore. From all the angles I've looked at, she isn't poly. It just seems more like she's an extremely jealous person and jealous people are prone to cheating. As far as I understand jealousy and poly don't go together. I'm not trying to be 'bigoted' or whatever, but I think it'd be unfair as well. She told me that if maybe within the month or the next year I find somebody I can be with them too, but she knows I'm not as social and I don't have any women friends anyways! I told her I said before that I could only love HER and I asked her why she wouldn't just lie about this like she did everything else? She said she just thought "their might be a chance". Now even If I was in that frame of mind, why the hell would she deserve to find someone else to "help her needs"? I don't think she's poly for one, but she's more than once left the apartment while I was angry and suffering from depression saying "she doesn't know how to handle it and I need to figure it out by myself" and she's "not going to help". Meanwhile, every time she has an episode of schizophrenia, I'm there comforting her from beginning to end. Something about that just isn't right to me, even she admitted it was a little fucked up.
I need to know from people that are actually involved and know about this stuff to please tell me if I'm right or wrong and settle this. I'm not trying to be bigoted, I totally friggin get it if thats the way you are. The thing is I'm really having hard time believing her with the amount of..contradictions?-from the past I would say, I guess? Opinions?
We both in our past jobs out of HS were working as servers and she would be jealous and lose her mind to the point of threatening other women who even eyed me. Later on nights she would tell me how she was worried I would leave her for a girl in there. She would tell me about how they were trying to flirt with me, me of course being kind of awkward I don't pick up on it and I'll be honest, I was literally 90% of the time trying to get through their orders thinking about how I have to take a shit. I told her this and she said she'd still always be worried.
I pointed this out to her and she said it was because I was her "primal" and I always would be. I don't believe that either because we admitted we liked each other and talked about while she was dating another person. She said that she "settled" for that guy and really wanted to be with me. The guy was a giant douche in general. The thing that doesn't make sense is she was obviously furious, and still is when she talks about it, when he started seeing another girl on the side. That doesn't sound very poly either.
The thing that hurt me the absolute most was she lied throughout the entire relationship. She's bisexual, I don't care. Honestly If she wants to fool around with girls even though I'm only straight, idc. I told her as long as she didn't have feelings for them and she wasn't chasing guys around. She said she was monogamous when she was with a man and then didn't have feelings for the girls. I said okay and told her, "I could never really love anybody but you though personally". Last night though I pointed that whole conversation out to her though and she flipped it around and basically said she felt feelings for women and chases guys too. I burst into fucking tears and felt like such an idiot for believing her.
I personally think she just isn't wanting the relationship anymore. From all the angles I've looked at, she isn't poly. It just seems more like she's an extremely jealous person and jealous people are prone to cheating. As far as I understand jealousy and poly don't go together. I'm not trying to be 'bigoted' or whatever, but I think it'd be unfair as well. She told me that if maybe within the month or the next year I find somebody I can be with them too, but she knows I'm not as social and I don't have any women friends anyways! I told her I said before that I could only love HER and I asked her why she wouldn't just lie about this like she did everything else? She said she just thought "their might be a chance". Now even If I was in that frame of mind, why the hell would she deserve to find someone else to "help her needs"? I don't think she's poly for one, but she's more than once left the apartment while I was angry and suffering from depression saying "she doesn't know how to handle it and I need to figure it out by myself" and she's "not going to help". Meanwhile, every time she has an episode of schizophrenia, I'm there comforting her from beginning to end. Something about that just isn't right to me, even she admitted it was a little fucked up.
I need to know from people that are actually involved and know about this stuff to please tell me if I'm right or wrong and settle this. I'm not trying to be bigoted, I totally friggin get it if thats the way you are. The thing is I'm really having hard time believing her with the amount of..contradictions?-from the past I would say, I guess? Opinions?