A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")

Chatted with the ladies from work last week - I think everything was pretty much the wine talking. LecturingFriend wasn't intending to be judgmental, but was doing the whole "don't you hurt her or you deal with us" stuff... still eye-rolling to me, but they meant well and Chops wasn't offended, so there ya go.

Stressed up the wazoo with the impending visit (they arrive in two days), and I am finding myself reacting in kind with damn near everything... getting cranky about stupid inconveniences, getting insecure and worried about other shit. Just... ugh. I am winding myself up, and I KNOW I'm winding myself up, but I'm not sure how to stop the cycle because I have so much shit to do before they get here (hide what isn't nailed down, hide the damned booze so there aren't any abuse triggers, get the meals and food planned and bought, get the living room set up to be a hotel room for 5 days, etc.). I've taken next Monday off, and once they leave, I will sit alone in my house and just friggin' RECOVER. Or, I may wrangle a bunch of friends together and talk non-stop about it all. I haven't decided yet. ;)

I'm finding all sorts of things triggery right now, especially the "old standbys": FB is an annoying PITA, and potential schedule changes are getting me worried. I'm finding myself going through multiple "what-if" scenarios regarding MiddleSis and her BF.

The latest: MiddleSis has been needling BabySis for an entire week to send her money. BabySis is refusing, and out of exasperation told MiddleSis that if she were to somehow push me into giving her more money, BabySis would pay me back because I've done enough.

To MiddleSis, of course, this became "Ask YAH and I'll pay her back."

Uh, no.

MiddleSis likes to ask for $20 via Western Union to cover tampons because her "period started early". She has used this excuse REPEATEDLY, so you'd think she'd carry extra by now :rolleyes:. Even if not, most people would be understanding if you explained and asked if you could borrow one. So yeah, I don't buy it. Cigarette money? Yeah... I'd believe that. So, when she asked me yesterday, I called her bluff. Said I could send her a $5 Walmart gift card through her email to cover a box of Tampons. She said she'd need a ride there, so I asked her to let me know if she found one. Crickets.

Go figure.

I don't mind sending a gift card if she really needs it, but I won't be taken advantage of again. As it stands, I'm holding off on buying the return bus ticket, since she's threatening to check herself into a crisis center before she flies out. I'm kinda rooting for that to happen, to be honest. Paying a bit more at the ticket office to get them to leave is better than paying $300 for tickets that won't get used.

Sigh. Check in on me in a week. I will probably either be sleeping or spewing out an update. Or both, in some odd sleep-spewing fugue.
 
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So for Christmas she gets 4 boxes of tampons, or better yet get her a "Diva Cup" and she never need to buy tampons again.

Not like she has a job to get back to by a certain date, buy bus tickets instead of airline tickets (even if they are almost the same price).
 
So for Christmas she gets 4 boxes of tampons, or better yet get her a "Diva Cup" and she never need to buy tampons again.

Hahahahahahaha, I had this vision of her opening a beautifully wrapped gift on christmas morning, to discover that it's a costco box of tampons. That would be kinda awesome! :D
 
Oh, definitely bus tickets. 1 day, 20 hours to get back? Oh well. You should've bought a return flight rather than buying BF's flight out. (Or, ya know, you should've paid THE RENT)

Oh, I should totally surprise her with a Diva Cup when she gets here. Of course, she'll claim in a month that she lost it or somesuch. Seriously... her story is that she ended up wearing a size 4 diaper because she didn't have anything else. I find it ridiculous that she could borrow a DIAPER to wear and not a tampon. Does anyone vet these stories when they make them up? Do they not know how ridiculous they sound?!
 
If she can't even pay her rent (nor even buy spare tampons -- or cigarettes or whatever), she has no business buying airline tickets (to or fro) for anyone, including herself. Harumph!
 
Got a text from BabySis yesterday, pissed at herself because MiddleSis guilted her into sending $10 via MoneyGram (after I called her bluff and she didn't get back to me re. the gift card). She's in "never again" mode.

MiddleSis has told BabySis that she'll check herself into a shelter when she gets back to OKC. She's also asked me if I decided what's going on yet. I told her the plan is to get them bus tickets for the 27th. I didn't tell her that I haven't bought them yet, because I'm waiting until she actually gets here (based on BabySis's warning).

Chops was home last night and helped with the de-stressing a bit (took me out for "hot brown and plenty of it" Chinese food). Tonight is the last night before they arrive, and I have the kids for a few hours, so there's a limited amount of time to get the rest of the stuff ready for their arrival. Luckily, I've been busy at work all morning and unable to stress about it. :)

I am hoping everyone behaves themselves. I won't hesitate to be the Family Asshole if it comes down to that. I've had it up to here with BS.

If she can't even pay her rent (nor even buy spare tampons -- or cigarettes or whatever), she has no business buying airline tickets (to or fro) for anyone, including herself. Harumph!

True, although she bought her initial flight out when things were still going well. She'd been off the drugs, had a steady job, and had a place to live. It all started going downhill around the time she bought her BF's flight instead of paying the rent. Then she lost the job, house, was hospitalized, etc. The first flight, I understood - it was based on the three of us sisters talking about the next time we got together (when we were together for Mom's funeral). It's turned into a mess now, though. Hopefully the visit itself goes well, and they don't pull anything when it's time to go. Fingers are crossed.

Wish me luck! The hordes descend tomorrow!
 
Good luck -- no -- excellent luck.
 
Good luck, YAH. I wish you didn't have to go through this.
 
Well... at the very least, Night One has gone very well. Lots of family photos and stories, and some tentative plans for things we're going to do during the next few days. Here's hoping it continues in that direction. Fingers crossed! :)
 
Slowly, as the flower unfurls its petals in the morning sun, and as the bear ends her hibernation in the spring, so too does the wayward board member emerge from her own self-imposed crazy life.

***streeeetch***
*scratch, scratch*

Aaaah... Feels good.

So, when last we met, I was in TOTALOMGOMGOMGANGST mode, preparing for the hordes to descend upon my house and potentially not want to leave. Happily, I can report that things actually went pretty well. :)

There were plenty of distractions to keep things busy for the majority of the five days everyone was here. We started on Thursday with a tour of the local Anheuser-Busch brewery (complete with free samples!), brought MiddleSis to see her boys on Friday, did some yard work (hauling wood FTW!) and kid activities on Saturday, met up with the grandparents on Sunday for a birthday dinner, and then things kind of wound down on Monday, when everyone left.

Highlights/lowlights, in no particular order:
  • Middle sister and BF truly are kids in adult bodies. I have never seen two adults as unable to delay gratification, follow a conversation, and not take everything as revolving around them. It became a game (in my head) to see how long they could last through a conversation without either completely steamrolling us to change the subject or losing interest altogether.
  • MiddleSis and BF bicker like blue jays. Annoying, but it led to a bit of truth being found out about why she lost her job (drug use, natch).
  • I have never gone through more coffee and sugar than I have over the last week. I had to fill up the sugar bowl THREE TIMES.
  • Eight people and one working bathroom/shower *can* work, provided you don't run either the washing machine or the dishwasher (oops).
  • PokéGirl kicks butt at Mario Kart, even when BabySis and her BF met when they worked at GameStop and have YEARS of experience in this sort of thing.
  • Guitar Hero is a great way of distracting Middle Sis and involving her in the fun.
  • BabySis's BF plans to ask BabySis to marry him (it's not a surprise), and pulled our grandfather aside to ask him for his blessing. Grandfather replied, "I've never been asked that before," followed by, "Can I tell my wife?" Hehehehehe... :D
  • BabySis's BF is a hoot, and I'll be thrilled to call him my BIL. :)
  • Turning 94 makes you say some crazy-ass things at your birthday party. Things like, "I'm 94 this year and I don't plan to celebrate another one of these." Uh, hey WHAT?? GAH!
  • Passive-aggressive comments are easy to ignore. Things like, "If we're trapped on a bus for two days, we'll need to stop to eat" will get you a bag of food, not cash.
  • I'm readdicted to Guitar Hero.
  • Chinatown is NOT dangerous at dinnertime (not any more than any other area of the city), and I'm glad I got MiddleSis and her BF to brave the walk and try some new food. They loved it. :)

Overall, the biggest downer of the whole trip was when MiddleSis went to see her boys. The visit was great, but her BF isn't allowed around the kids, so he and BabySis's BF did their own thing for a while. When we returned, MiddleSis's BF was in a snit over the fact that the boys don't know that they're still together, and he wants to be a part of the boys' life (which is up to the adoptive mom, not MiddleSis). She wanted to talk about the visit, and he shut her down completely. Real nice, dude. Real nice.

However, for the most part, it went well. I will need to replace the sugar, but I don't have anyone living with me after this, so I'm going to consider this a win. :D

Tonight was my "writing" night - I wanted to update things here, I got a blog post for my external blog (link in sig) knocked out, and I neglected to do things like the dishes. Ah well. They can wait until tomorrow morning. :)

Onward and upward!
 
I hear you, NYC! Oddly enough, I really despise emptying the dishwasher - more so than actually hand-washing the dishes. No idea why.

Anyhoo, I also hope for a reduction in drama. MiddleSis seems to have her eye on a new job, so my fingers are crossed. We did find out that she stopped cutting, but moved on to burning herself. She promised BabySis that she'd check herself into some place to get help, but whether she does or not still remains to be seen.

There will still be drama. She will still find herself making bad decisions because she can't plan (spend money now or save it for rent? Why, spend it NOW, of course!), but I'm no longer sending her money. I'm done with that. Gift cards will be the way to go, if I send anything. BabySis is pretty much done, too.

The visit was nice, since all that drama was (mostly) pushed aside. We'll see what happens. I'm hoping she starts pulling herself together again, but I'm wary.
 
I feel for you... It must be really hard to have a sister, who can't help herself

That has to we awful for you and your other sister. I'm an only child but I have a close cousin who has the same struggles.. I really wish people like that could take a step back and see what they are doing to their loved ones.

There was a time when I was pretty far from an angle, and I am sure we have all been there...

I just wanted to say, your sister is fortunate to have a sister like you.
 
Glad you got it over with, and no major mishaps. I read your blog and I could relate to it even though I am not mono.
 
Thanks, Mags! :)

I currently sit in the waiting room of the hospital where Chops is undergoing gallbladder removal surgery. Xena brought him in, and I'm bringing him home.

While I would love to take more time out of work, I suppose this is one of the benefits of Poly: that he has not only me, but Xena and Noa (and the rest of his family, TBH) to dote on him a bit while he recovers. As it is, tomorrow I have obligations, and while I'll be with him during the day Friday, my time with my kids starts Friday night and being 1.5 hours away isn't going to work.

So... personal *emotional* preference aside, the logistics wouldn't work if I were his only partner. This is a huge benefit to him right now, and I'm glad he has his network of family and loved ones.

I'm still going to push for him seeing if he can keep it in a jar, because I'm all gruesome like that (I didn't get to keep mine, or our gallbladders could be friends). ;)

Time to push out a blog post and a book review, while I surf and check my work email. Whee!
 
They took mine out my sophomore year in college

I never would have thought to ask if I could have it back, nice touch. I would love to like see a picture of it..
 
I hope the surgery and healing goes well and that Chops is feeling right as rain very soon, YAH.
 
No gallbladder in a jar (damn). It seems that pesky "biological waste" classification really limits what you can do with things nowadays. Ah well...

Chops is doing great! Walking around to try to dissipate the gas that's left behind when they do laparoscopic surgery (makes the shoulders hurt like a BITCH), and sore from where Ol' Jerry (his name for the gallbladder, not mine) was forcibly removed.

The staff was great (the nurse in recovery was a sweetheart, and kept making comments about how cute we were... d'aaaawww... :eek: ), and the surgery went really well. Once I got him home, I picked up some soup (Chicken and Stars!), crackers, ginger ale, and Vicodin. Lunch of champions. :)

Overall, I think he's recovering better than I did almost 20 years ago when I had mine removed. He started to conk out at around dinner time and I took my leave, but I think he'll be back to his old self (minus a couple ounces) in no time. :)

Xena's with him now (she was nervous as hell, but she's better now), and then Noa will drop by tomorrow. I'll be back on Friday. Hope he likes the constant attention. ;) (I'll probably find him hiding in the bathroom on Friday, chanting "I can do it myself... I can do it myself..." over and over.)

Anyhoo... time for me to get to the exciting things... like DISHES! And TRASH! And...ooooo, this is a goody... LAUNDRY! Ah yes, my glamorous life... ;)

Thanks for the well-wishes, all!
 
I liked having homebirths because we got to keep the placentas. Now, if I had it to do over, I would have had them dried and made into capsules to help add iron to my blood. But back then we planted them in the ground with a rosebush or lilac over them. :)
 
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