Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

Did you forget about CP/M Ari?

I did actually. It was the os on my old 8086. Right around the time I had an apple IIc as well.

I usually come back with "well before html was even a protocol".. but you trumped me. hahah

I was young but I still remember the hoopla around filename size changes to 8.3 hahah..
 
I'm about the same chronological age as the rest of you and this is all gobbledygook to me :D
 
Short-Term Dating & Online Dating?

Guidance please,

I’ve decided that I don’t have what it takes to commit to a full-time relationship. I am in a very deep self-discovery journey and University graduation is just around the corner. I will be leaving my home-town after graduation. All of this makes me think I should stop dating completely. Yet I don’t truly want to. A part of me thinks it is unfair for those I date since I am not available to give them a future. Another part of me says, dating can be for short-term if those involved are aware and okay with it. Is there such thing as short-term dating and is it moral?

If so I am not sure if I should try online dating. I have never really done online dating. I want to date more woman and to be honest I don’t have much of a gay radar. I am attracted to very feminine women. Online profiles give you the advantage that people state what they are looking for. No guessing required. I am a traditionalist and reserved, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of my picture and info out there. Is online dating a good idea?
 
OK Cupid lets you say whether you're looking for casual sex, short term dating or long term dating. You might find someone who is fine with just having some fun for a while. Maybe someone else in transition, like yourself.
 
...I've also noticed that there is a lack of common decency amongst people on line (my husband's experience more than my own) of people simply ignoring messages from potential suitors. Would it kill you to write something back and say "thank you for the message but..."

Honestly, Derby, a lot of these guys don't deserve a response. One recent msg I got said: "Sexy." That's all he wrote. An even more recent msg (from a 38 year old, no spring chicken):

Hello there my name is "X,"
I was just checking out your profile and i wanted to send you a message.
You sound so nice just my type of woman and what im looking for :)
And your pic's you are so attractive omg so sexy :)
I would really like to get to know you more and hopefully meet up and i hope all goes well with us :)
i also prefer older woman i always have my ex is 46
i would like to try having sex with a woman in her 50's to see how it is :)
When you get a chance message me back i hope to hear from you "X"

If he doesn't know when to use "woman" as opposed to "women," has never heard of a comma or period, and can't bother to capitalize "I," he doesn't rate a response. Not to mention the crass mention of "trying" sex with a 50-something, like I am a carnival sideshow.
 
Is there such thing as short-term dating and is it moral? Is online dating a good idea?
Yes there is such thing as short term dating, in fact, a lot of poly people consider this poly because everyone they date knows that they are dating others as well. There is debate as to whether or not this is poly for some people, but the choice is yours to make. There is also fuck buddies, friends with benefits, casual sex, you name it, its out there :) Its all moral if you think it is... it depends on your values and what you hold as sacred in a relationship. Only you can answer that too. On line dating has been tried and tested and found to be useful. Many people find their partners that way. It is common now and probably the main way that people date. Whether its a good idea is up to you also... I agree with NYCindie that you should try it... and with Mags; OKCupid tends to have a certain type of person attracted to it than others. It's my favourite. POF is big here also, but mostly good for casual hook ups...

Just a word of advice. Make sure that the people that you meet aren't married or if they are that their spouses know... it seems that dating sites can be a big haunt of cheaters.

You might find some interesting stuff on dating if you do a tag search for "dating" "dating sites" and "dating dynamics" in the search engine here.
 
I think a lot of people try on-line dating to work around a particular form of social awkwardness. Gf, however, is a tough cookie to date. She just isn't ready to put in the effort to get to meet new people. For her, even on-line dating is too much hassle.

I went on-line in the first place in order to meet girls outside of a loud bar setting. I've met friends on-line but no romantic partners. Okay, so I do pursue somewhat aggressively, so maybe that puts some people off. Bona fide lesbians ignore me with the 'not interested in fence-sitters', which is why, I have to admit, I am not always totally forthcoming about my male partners. Also, I don't get the subtle messages many women send, so to me, it just seems like mixed signals, and I'm not really interested in people who can't say upfront what they want.

I was reading a book about extremely introverted people (gf is one such) and it had a nice listing of how introverts might get to meet others like them. One tactic was to ask more extroverted partners to hook them up with someone who is more like them (worked for Mr. and Mrs. Sweets, and worked later for me and Mrs). And happy hours in bars, gyms and cocktail parties should be avoided. Instead, the author suggested hitting events like adult ed courses, outdoor clubs, Unitarian/Quaker churches, study groups on esoterica, art classes, lectures on depth psychology, poetry evenings, Mensa, symphonies/operas/ballets and the lectures given before those performances, plus spiritual retreats.

I've been toying with the idea of whether I should try attending the local Hearing Society to meet others who share my particular shade of awkward :).
 
Honestly, Derby, a lot of these guys don't deserve a response. One recent msg I got said: "Sexy." That's all he wrote. An even more recent msg (from a 38 year old, no spring chicken):



If he doesn't know when to use "woman" as opposed to "women," has never heard of a comma or period, and can't bother to capitalize "I," he doesn't rate a response. Not to mention the crass mention of "trying" sex with a 50-something, like I am a carnival sideshow.

I don't get messaged often at all so I do answer all of mine (even if it is just with a thank you for your message but I'm not interested). I figure it takes some guts to initiate contact and it's just polite of me to acknowledge their message.

My husband sends out thoughtful and interesting messages to women and doesn't get anything back about 80% of the time. It just seems rude to me to not answer.

ETA although I do roll my eyes when I get the "nice ass" messages with no other content. I did bring that one on myself though with the profile pic that I put up.
 
. . . a lot of these guys don't deserve a response. . . . If he doesn't know when to use "woman" as opposed to "women," has never heard of a comma or period, and can't bother to capitalize "I," he doesn't rate a response. Not to mention the crass mention of "trying" sex with a 50-something, like I am a carnival sideshow.

HAR-HAR! I get so many messages like that. I don't feel an obligation to answer idiots.

Here's another lame one I received:

Him: Hi....saw you visited my profile...what did you think?

That was it. The online version of "Oh, let's not talk about me - let's talk about you! What do you think of me?" Now, I did respond to him and told him to put better pictures up (since he asked). He had a B&W acting headshot of himself, clearly from the 80s (oh, the sweater!), and one of himself dressed like Johnny Depp's pirate character from that stupid movie. I normally wouldn't have answered such a useless message, but couldn't resist complying with his request for an opinion in this case.

And that brings up another question: why do so many guys post pictures of themselves in Halloween costumes? WTF? Are they trying to show how creative they are, their sense of humor ("look at me dressed as a tampon, nyuk-nyuk!"), or do they really want to scare the bejeezus out of me by letting me know that a date with them will end up with blood dripping down his face?

Sometimes, it's a jungle out there, folks. An online dating jungle.
 
Here are a few more winners

what to say...what to say...I'm stumped so I will just say Hi..

Hi,

I'm a 28-year-old married Indian guy from "X", MA but work in "X", MA. I'm a highly educated working professional, clean, fit, sane and d&d free. I'm looking for a hot discreet nsa fun with a mature woman of your age. I have never done this before. Also, I see you have a woman partner, I wouldn't mind her joining if you think she can ;-).

I have always fantasized of being with an older woman(milf/cougar type), but never been with one.

Please revert back , if you are interested. We can then chat on IM(yahoo?), share more info, pics and go from there.

Hope to hear from you.
cheers!
"A"

My profile says I am not looking for casual hookups. And I get that "can your gf join us?" all the time.

Interesting...

If you feel horny and want to skype...let me know ;)

With yr permission, Id love to sit you on my LAP, and play in your hair, until you melt ALL OVER like butter..... And when you do, lay uoi DOWN and sloooooowly taste your STRAWBERRY....

GIO~

:eek:

So do you like bi-men?

hello my name is "X" male in "Y" nh u sound so awsome id love to just talk and get to know u

...zzzzzz...

And then there are the guys who just send a "wink" with no message. :rolleyes:
 
Here are a few more winners





My profile says I am not looking for casual hookups. And I get that "can your gf join us?" all the time.





:eek:





...zzzzzz...

And then there are the guys who just send a "wink" with no message. :rolleyes:



So much for the theory that women have such an easier time finding partners than men do. Sure, we probably get hit on and have more OPPORTUNITIES to GET LAID with less effort; but look at what we're dealing with here. Of course, I guess some men would like it if they received messages such as, "Hi I'm a 28-year-old married Brazilian woman who wants to try anal sex with a man in his 40's or 50's. Let's Skype and exchange nudie photos, tee-hee!" That would be considered a "successful" foray into the world of online dating, no?
 
Mag --

That one who wanted to play in your hair till you melt like butter ..... wooooo had me going until the strawberry crash and dive, haha!
 
And then there are the guys who just send a "wink" with no message.
Sorry Mags....I am one of those guys. I figure that if I send a wink, it will prompt the woman to look at my profile...if she likes what she see's, she can wink back, and THEN I'll start a dialogue.

Make sense?

So much for the theory that women have such an easier time finding partners than men do. Sure, we probably get hit on and have more OPPORTUNITIES to GET LAID with less effort; but look at what we're dealing with here. Of course, I guess some men would like it if they received messages such as, "Hi I'm a 28-year-old married Brazilian woman who wants to try anal sex with a man in his 40's or 50's. Let's Skype and exchange nudie photos, tee-hee!" That would be considered a "successful" foray into the world of online dating, no?
Neon, It was long touted that it was "just as difficult for a woman to get a date", on one of these dating sites, as it was for a man. This is (obviously) not true. Men have a MUCH harder time getting women to even LOOK at their profiles, let alone getting women to CONTACT them....or even RESPOND to them, when the man initiates the contact.

My own wife was one that thought it was "just as hard for women as it was for men"....Until SHE made two almost identical profiles....One for a man (me), and one for a woman (her). She got guys contacting her daily. Two or three per day. My profile sat for almost a eek with no-one even LOOKING at it. After two weeks, and numerous messages sent by me to various women, I finally got a response. The response I got? "Is your wife bi?". :rolleyes: Look, I don't think I'm a "fugly" type of guy. I mean, I'm on the thinner side, and in decent shape. Blond hair, blue eyes, 6'4", 170, etc etc etc. Bottom line? Most women view guys who are looking for women on a dating site...as low lifes who are simply looking to get laid. Add to that already low view of us, the fact that MOST women are NOT into dating a married man. My "dating pool" just turned into a puddle....if not smaller.


Sad reality,
women on a dating site = cool
Men on a dating site = pathetic

:( Wish it were different, but it's not.



*Puts on flame suit*
 
Depends a bit if you have pics on or not. I don't have pictures on my profile, and get little traffic. Men still contact me, though - especially after I added the 'looking for casual sex' to my interests :D.

It is much easier for women to find casual male sexual partners. I have a further theory on why there is a gender/orientation imbalance in poly, but it requires polishing.
 
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