Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

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I have actually found that chatting with someone online has it's advantages.
Like rooting out people who are not Poly or seeing how honest people are.
Anyone who can not go a few conversations without it always evolving into sex or going on about how much they want to do me and the wife, sight unseen.... we do not want to meet.
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I have actually found that chatting with someone online has it's advantages.
Like rooting out people who are not Poly or seeing how honest people are.
Anyone who can not go a few conversations without it always evolving into sex or going on about how much they want to do me and the wife, sight unseen.... we do not want to meet.
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Good point.
 
from online to in person

My husband and I have started meeting people online. It feels a little antithetical to my notions that love should find you and not the other way around but there's that practicality issue of scarceness of people open to this way of loving/relating.

We've approached it a few different ways. It's been a fascinating learning experience. We have a couple profiles on OKC, one for us as a couple, and my husband has one of his own. He has had some nice interactions with people and at least one really nasty reply. We've also used CL a little.

Here's my curiosity: We've found that it is often easy to feel a connection after chatting online for several days, weeks or even months but that it doesn't always translate when we meet in person. And I wonder, is it easy to build a person up to perfect in your mind when you are just talking online? Have other people felt a need to allow some time for perceptions to catch up with reality? What are other peoples' experience in this regard?
 
Here's my curiosity: We've found that it is often easy to feel a connection after chatting online for several days, weeks or even months but that it doesn't always translate when we meet in person. And I wonder, is it easy to build a person up to perfect in your mind when you are just talking online? Have other people felt a need to allow some time for perceptions to catch up with reality? What are other peoples' experience in this regard?
I don't like to rush into meeting someone in person but find that in between emailing/chatting online and meeting face to face, I like having phone conversations. Something about hearing the voice. I guess having Skype and video chatting would also be a good step but I don't have a camera on my PC. Anyway, talks on the phone do help, I find.
 
Thanks, that's a helpful suggestion that, while I can't quite seem to figure out why it would make sense, I don't doubt that it would.

I also like chatting for a while first but lately I worry about the up and down of it - getting really excited then bummed out when it's not as magical in person.

But then I guess roller-coaster is sort of the name of the game, right?
 
Nobody is magical or perfect. Just keep that in mind. Everyone is merely human.
 
Right, right, no magical peeps. Thanks!

Seriously though, I get what you're saying (I think). I'm a newb and clearly there's more to that then meets the eye. After 12 years of monogamy perhaps I am squirming in my chair a little. Feeling impatient waiting for things to fall in place.

I'm also new to the whole experience of getting to know someone online first rather than in person. I took for granted how much information is absorbed face to face vs. keyboard to keyboard.
 
Here's my curiosity: We've found that it is often easy to feel a connection after chatting online for several days, weeks or even months but that it doesn't always translate when we meet in person. And I wonder, is it easy to build a person up to perfect in your mind when you are just talking online? Have other people felt a need to allow some time for perceptions to catch up with reality? What are other peoples' experience in this regard?

I'm sure it stems from a lot of things, but for me, I communicate better online. I have more time to think about what I want to say or understand whats being said to me before replying. In person I'm not as talkative and relaxed as I am in front of a computer.

I remember watching a "True Life" episode on MTV about people who lead different lives online. One was a girl who enjoyed singing and song writing but her stage fright kept her from preforming. So she took to playing her music in live performances through the internet, and even had a few fans.

The internet is like a mask. You can put it on and become a completely different person, or even just a better you.
 
Izzy, thanks. I think what you're pointing at is what I was trying to get at when I said, "not as magical in person". It's disconcerting to have such a strong connection online but not in person. But the inhibition is there in person where it had been missing online. This is huge I think. I should be giving it time to feel comfortable in person so that some of the guards that pop up can fall away again. I didn't realize this at first so I interpreted it as "something is missing".
 
I'd always felt a bit iffy about online dating until late last year when I had a "F*ck it, why not?" moment and joined OkC. I've since met a number of interesting people (many of whom I contacted first, and all of whom I asked out, FTR). I'm new to this side of the country and didn't know anyone outside of work, so it was very useful in getting to know people. As a result I've now found the local Poly and geek communities (which overlap heavily).

OkC is much better for meeting people I actually find interesting than any of the other sites I signed up for at the same time. The questions and matching algorithm make it easy to find people I might get along with rather than what seems to be the fairly random matching performed on other sites. It's slightly scary to see how well I get along with my 99% matches. I've only been contacted by a few trolls, and I have no qualms about ignoring them.
 
I'd always felt a bit iffy about online dating until late last year when I had a "F*ck it, why not?" moment and joined OkC. I've since met a number of interesting people (many of whom I contacted first, and all of whom I asked out, FTR). I'm new to this side of the country and didn't know anyone outside of work, so it was very useful in getting to know people. As a result I've now found the local Poly and geek communities (which overlap heavily).

OkC is much better for meeting people I actually find interesting than any of the other sites I signed up for at the same time. The questions and matching algorithm make it easy to find people I might get along with rather than what seems to be the fairly random matching performed on other sites. It's slightly scary to see how well I get along with my 99% matches. I've only been contacted by a few trolls, and I have no qualms about ignoring them.

It's nice to hear that people are finding connection that are poly on okc! I think it's a another world for men meeting womeon on okc that are poly. I am finding that out. I get a lot of women that message me and like the idea but then just fade away without any reason or message. My wife and i went out to meet a women together and it was a fun time but she decided she was to busy for anytime of relationship. We both know it will take some time and just have to let it happen. Just had to meet anothers (male & female) that want the traid/triangle/tribe like we want to in our area (midwest).

We both have met a lot of nice couples that we have gone out on dates with together on CL.

Good luck!
 
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Oh lawd have mercy. LOL ok to give you a clue as to why some women do notbother responding to every email. I have a profile on adult friend finder for 13 yrs now. My profile has had 47000 views since 9-15-11. I receive at least 10 emails per day. out of the 10 maybe 1 if im lucky read my profile and fits what i am looking for in a man woman or couple. I have clearly stated in both my profile content and cupid settings 45+. yet at least 7 out of every 10 emails are from 30 somethings with an opening line of "want to fuck?" at least 2 out of every 10 are from 20 somethings wanting to learn something. Why should i waste my time to send an email to someone who obviously can not read anyway? I just created a profile on okcupid last night. same thing i clearly state 45+. since last night i have received 8 emails from single men under 38.
 
Well for me, poly dating seems to be easier if your a girl in my experience. For some reason if you tell someone you're poly and you're a guy they automatically think you're full of it. But if a woman says it, people seem to be more willing to consider that you're telling the truth. Anyway, we met our potential partner on craigslist of all places. Before that we tried plenty of fish and managed to find no one for months. Then my boyfriend convinced me to try craigslist and voila! Within 2 days we found a good guy who matched what we wanted. :)

So my advice is to not give up, keep looking, and try different avenues that you would otherwise not try. Just because, you never know what you will find.
 
Interesting... I'm trying OK Cupid at the moment, and have found some very nice folks to meet for coffee soon (we're moving about 600 miles away within the next two weeks). We'll see what develops after we meet in person. :)

I've also gotten lots of random emails from guys, one of whom was 1000 miles away and a 26% match. I just sat there wondering why he even bothered. I sure didn't feel like I owed him a response.

The only negative one so far was an 18 year old guy who sent a message saying "are you really 51 years old?" and I responded "yes, and you will be too someday". Like I was a fossil or something, lol.
 
One thing that I have found with over 13 years dealing with online dating is that since my tender soft side is usually only reveled in intimate settings I generally come off as a hardass online. That part sucks. Everyone especially men are shocked when they meet me in person because of this. It is not like I can wear a badge online that softly states that I am prone to trailing my tongue over a body. LOL:p
 
Take the OKcupid plunge?

HI all

Married couple (39/40) looking to explore and start poly relationship with another couple or female.....we've been at a stand still for some time now...lets just say we are having trouble getting this concept off the ground..LOL...
Should we take the OK cupid plunge? open to any other suggestions/advice..


Thanks kim
Northern NJ
 
OKC is hit or miss depending on where you live and what you're looking for. Be honest in your profile and keep your fingers crossed that you'll meet some good people along the way, as it never hurts to try. There are plenty of posts on here about that site, by the way. You may want to search for those, and see how other people feel about it.
 
I officially met my girlfriend through OKC, though I already knew her by association through the queer community. But it is hit or miss. I haven't met anyone else that way.
 
Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...
 
Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...

Yes, thanks recently joined yahoo poly group and hope to make a meet up soon
Also put together an Ok cupid profile..what's the worst that could happen?
famous last words right?
LOL

Kim
 
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