XCountrygirl
New member
Hi all,
I've been lurking and reading for some time now, and thought it was time for an introduction.
I'm new to poly. I have always known that I'm not cut out for the traditional one man -one woman til death do us part model, and have been known to swear, in my younger days, that I would never commit and marry one man - I just didn't see how it could be done. Of course, I married my college sweetheart after seven years of dating, and then three years, divorced him. Swore I wouldn't marry yet again, then met my current hubby and married him. We've just celebrated our 11th anniversary.
Then I met JF (I will refer to him by his initials as he shares the same first initial as my husband, whom I will refer to as Mr. Xcountrygirl). We were in an event together, and I was strongly attracted to him from the start. As we continued to spend more and more time together, it was apparent that the attraction was mutual. Throughout our conversation, I discovered that he is in an open marriage and his wife is bi and actively dating outside the marriage, while JF isn't, and although he can, he has never acted upon this. Until me.
To avoid making this long, I was less than honest with my husband, and didn't tell JF that Mr. Xcountrygirl didn't know the full extent of our relationship. Of course, Hubby found out, and all hell broke loose, with him threatening divorce. After some and painful talking, Mr. Xcountrygirl has decided to allow me to continue my relationship with JF, with some rules in place. He said he would rather do that than end our marriage. He is an amazing man and I don't deserve him. I know this situation isn't ideal for starting my first poly relationship, but since then we have been open and painfully honest, JF included.
So, I went from thinking I couldn't love to being in love with two men. I will admit that I'm still in the NRE stage with JF, and struggling with how to deal with the fact that I can't see JF as much as I want, to wondering if all this is worth it and the pain I'm inflicting on Mr. Xcountrygirl as he struggles to make sense of it all. I'm also dealing with jealousy pains as I know that I am very secondary in terms of JF and his wife and two kids, and trying to make sure that Mr. Xcountrygirl is feeling loved and appreciated, as one of the "rules" we have is that he, my husband, is primary and JF is secondary. JF is incredibly supportive through this all, and has been instrumental in helping me understand this life choice I have made.
I'm struggling with (among many, many other things) the fact that we have to be super secretive about this. Mr. Xcountrygirl is a high ranking military officer in the Special Operations world, and even a breath of this could result in legal action, with him possibly ending his career. Both JF and I work in education, i being a high school English teacher, so we also can't risk discovery. JF has a wonderful wife whom I am getting to be friends with, and he can share the joys of our relationship with her. They are also both a part of the kink community. So, there is another outlet for him. I have none. I cannot share with anybody for fear of somehow hurting my husband, so this is why I chose to introduce myself on this board - to have others to talk to about my loves.
I'm sure I'll be posting more in the future, but I wanted to say "hi".
Btw, I'm heterosexual, with no interest in women. Mr. Xcountrygirl is also straight, as is JF, although JF has dabbled in trios with his wife and her FWB, and at kink parties, which is a source of discomfort for me, but I'm dealing with it. I guess I'm the hinge of a V? Can it be a V if Mr. Xcountrygirl isn't poly? JF is only interested in having the two relationships (his wife and me), but his wife has her FWBs, her boyfriend, and her conference hook-ups. However, she isn't interested in me, so I guess that makes us a V?
I've been lurking and reading for some time now, and thought it was time for an introduction.
I'm new to poly. I have always known that I'm not cut out for the traditional one man -one woman til death do us part model, and have been known to swear, in my younger days, that I would never commit and marry one man - I just didn't see how it could be done. Of course, I married my college sweetheart after seven years of dating, and then three years, divorced him. Swore I wouldn't marry yet again, then met my current hubby and married him. We've just celebrated our 11th anniversary.
Then I met JF (I will refer to him by his initials as he shares the same first initial as my husband, whom I will refer to as Mr. Xcountrygirl). We were in an event together, and I was strongly attracted to him from the start. As we continued to spend more and more time together, it was apparent that the attraction was mutual. Throughout our conversation, I discovered that he is in an open marriage and his wife is bi and actively dating outside the marriage, while JF isn't, and although he can, he has never acted upon this. Until me.
To avoid making this long, I was less than honest with my husband, and didn't tell JF that Mr. Xcountrygirl didn't know the full extent of our relationship. Of course, Hubby found out, and all hell broke loose, with him threatening divorce. After some and painful talking, Mr. Xcountrygirl has decided to allow me to continue my relationship with JF, with some rules in place. He said he would rather do that than end our marriage. He is an amazing man and I don't deserve him. I know this situation isn't ideal for starting my first poly relationship, but since then we have been open and painfully honest, JF included.
So, I went from thinking I couldn't love to being in love with two men. I will admit that I'm still in the NRE stage with JF, and struggling with how to deal with the fact that I can't see JF as much as I want, to wondering if all this is worth it and the pain I'm inflicting on Mr. Xcountrygirl as he struggles to make sense of it all. I'm also dealing with jealousy pains as I know that I am very secondary in terms of JF and his wife and two kids, and trying to make sure that Mr. Xcountrygirl is feeling loved and appreciated, as one of the "rules" we have is that he, my husband, is primary and JF is secondary. JF is incredibly supportive through this all, and has been instrumental in helping me understand this life choice I have made.
I'm struggling with (among many, many other things) the fact that we have to be super secretive about this. Mr. Xcountrygirl is a high ranking military officer in the Special Operations world, and even a breath of this could result in legal action, with him possibly ending his career. Both JF and I work in education, i being a high school English teacher, so we also can't risk discovery. JF has a wonderful wife whom I am getting to be friends with, and he can share the joys of our relationship with her. They are also both a part of the kink community. So, there is another outlet for him. I have none. I cannot share with anybody for fear of somehow hurting my husband, so this is why I chose to introduce myself on this board - to have others to talk to about my loves.
I'm sure I'll be posting more in the future, but I wanted to say "hi".
Btw, I'm heterosexual, with no interest in women. Mr. Xcountrygirl is also straight, as is JF, although JF has dabbled in trios with his wife and her FWB, and at kink parties, which is a source of discomfort for me, but I'm dealing with it. I guess I'm the hinge of a V? Can it be a V if Mr. Xcountrygirl isn't poly? JF is only interested in having the two relationships (his wife and me), but his wife has her FWBs, her boyfriend, and her conference hook-ups. However, she isn't interested in me, so I guess that makes us a V?