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Old 09-15-2009, 01:38 AM
Karelia Karelia is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 81
Default My (Our) Story

I am Kari. My husband and I have a girlfriend. Neither of them read or post on this forum, as this is where I go to sort through things, and they understand and respect this.

Here are the basics about Us.

T & I have been together since 1999. Our first year was extremely challenging. We were only 22 and neither of us was exactly looking for our life partners. However, I'd gotten to a point where I recognized that settling for second best was simply not something I would do, and when I met him, I knew. I knew he was the guy I wanted for the rest of my life. At the end of our second date, he told me NOT to fall in love with him because eventually he wanted to get married and I was the kind of woman he wanted to marry. It was a very confusing message, but the point he wanted to make was, "I'm not ready for that yet."

We struggled. He was very, very angry at women thanks to an unbelievably bad first girlfriend about whom he talked a LOT. I often felt I was competing with her ghost. We broke up a bunch of times, with the premise for this being "bad sex," while really that was just the excuse he used (not untrue, mind you) to escape the relationship he wasn't ready for. Ultimately, he saw what he was doing and we recommitted. I always believed the sex issue could be worked through, and it finally was... but the scars that it left on my heart were wounds that would be unintentionally and unexpectedly reopened when we met our girlfriend R.

Fast forward to this past February. After two years of infertility, I decided to call it quits. We found out not long after starting trying to knock me up that he has MS. After that, he was never as sure he should be a father... and I was tired of the heartbreak. I just didn't have it in me anymore.

We were playing in an online virtual world. We were testing our sexual boundaries. We'd be on the phone at our desks and using our avatars to explore things we'd NEVER have done in person. Well, we met our GF during one such experiment. I knew, very quickly, that she was special. I was terrified. We all thought each other "safe" because she'd been in triads before and had failed and no longer believed in closed triads as a result. She had other virtual lovers and a real-life GF (from one of the triads after the husband left). But her RL GF was a train wreck who treated her like crap. And we, against our will, found ourselves falling for her.

We were the sort who believed love was between two people. Gender was irrelevant. I've always been bi, but didn't think I could love a woman and my sexual encounters were limited to my childhood best friend and, at one point, she and her boyfriend wanted me involved (but they were swingers). I was, but to a very limited extent. Suffice it to say, for all intents and purposes, I was a "virgin" where girls were concerned.

Well, we broke all of our rules with R. Talked on the phone, met in person. Fell utterly and completely in love, and underwent a major paradigm shift as a result. She's never had a healthy relationship and has some major communication issues. I've had some insecurities (mostly related to sex, which I mentioned above) to work through, and also have had to adjust because I used to feel like the center of the universe with my husband and now I'm not.

But at the end of the day, we all love each other. I will do everything I can to make this work, and believe they will, too. We hope it will be enough.

We're poly-fi. The idea of another man touching me makes me sick to my stomach. As for another woman, I can't imagine anyone but her (not surprisingly, since she's the only one). My husband does not identify as poly. He recognizes our relationship as such, but feels that it is not about the label - it is about our GF and having fallen for her.

She was a most unexpected and wonderful surprise. I could never have imagined her. I could never unimagine her.
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Old 09-18-2009, 03:42 AM
NIMchimpsky NIMchimpsky is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: U.S.
Posts: 32

I didn't mention anything in the way of my relationship history in my introduction so here goes.

I am currently married to a woman. She and I both identify as polyamorous, but right now we are going steady as monogamous. Not by force or anything, but just because that's how things are playing out.

I identify as transgender and date women. I've both fallen in love with more than one person at a time and dated more than one person at a time, making me polyamorous both in how I feel and what I practice.

In high school, I was in love with two women at the same time, neither of whom I dated.

At the beginning of college, when I was dating the woman I'm married to now, I was dating another woman as well. I am open to dating anyone that would be willing to date me and my wife as a couple.

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Old 09-26-2009, 08:20 AM
JonnyAce JonnyAce is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 456
Default My Story (so far)

So, now that i've been reading the forum and posting some things i figured i'd give all you nice folks my story.

I'm JonnyAce my gf C, and i just started dating, although we've known each other for over 2 yrs. Going into the relationship we had many discussions, and discovered that both of us are polyamorous. Right now I'm definitely caught up in NRE a bit, b'c i love her so much. I'm so glad to have had a chance meeting w/her a few years ago, and to find out that she was like minded gave me hope that i would be able to have a healthy loving relationship(s).
one of the big things that ended my last relationship (of almost 6 yrs) was the fact that i came to the realization that mono wasn't for me, so not only finding an amazing person, but them also feeling the same way i do about the possibility of multiple loves is fantastic.

Right now neither me, nor C are actively looking for other loves, but we're open to the fact that it's possible.

While this is my 1st poly relationship i do have a, what i think, is a decent amount of knowledge about poly for a newbie, as after my parents divorced my father came out as poly. He even has friends who formed PolyNYC, and Tri-State Poly, and he himself has been involved in the poly community for over 15 yrs. This is not to say that i don't have a lot to learn, as i think that you never stop learning in life. I've already learned so much from you all, and i'm sure i will continue to do so in the future.

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Old 09-28-2009, 04:43 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Hi. I live in Alaska. You can call me Loving Radiance or LR which is what I go by online. I'm 34 years old.

I've been married to my husband for 10 years. My oldest turned 18 today, his son is 13 and we have a 9 yr old and a 2 yr old who is biologically my (male) best friends child with me-via sperm donation.

I've known I was poly as long as I can recall-I never dated without a "fwb" on the side as a teen. It caused a lot of problems and complications at times.
I am also bi-and I've known that since my late teens.

I had one long term relationship (monogomous) with a woman and have never met a woman who could live up to that memory since. I have no contact with her-but still dream of her regularly and believe myself to be in love with who she was when I knew her (I would hope she's grown in the 14 years since we were together and isn't the same person I fell in love with then, but who knows).

My last relationship prior to marriage was an open relationship that worked fairly well except I had a child and he simply wasn't interested in being responsible (financially) for himself much less as a team with me.

Marriage with M has been fraught with issues. We love each other deeply, but he has a lot of deep seeded pain that affects his relationships and I have a bad tendency to lose myself in an attempt to "care for" someone else's issues.

Early on in the marriage we had major issues with his ex-wife that resulted in a complete breakdown of our marriage and friendship. I had an affair. We took about a year living apart, doing counseling, working on ourselves to try to get things straightened out.

We've discussed 3 somes with other people. I'm a fairly confident person and when an opportunity arose and hubby propositioned me for THAT NIGHT-I readily agreed because I knew he'd never done that before (I have a number of times before I was married) and it went well. The aftermath wasn't cool however because her boyfriend (who lived on the other side of the country literally) decided he wanted "his turn" and I wasn't interested nor was M.

As with many things-we solved SOME of the issues and then stopped working on it becuase it "seemed" so much better already.

More recently (in the last year) it's been made evident to me that I simply can't pretend to be something I am not. I've started working out (I have lost 60 lbs and have 6 to go), gone pescatarian (still eat seafood) with no dairy/eggs, and let hubby know that I AM poly and for me to be TRULY happy and comfortable and fulfilled I require a poly relationship.

This has been very trying for him as he doesn't handle change well in the first place. But he knows that I do need to get "back on track with me" in order to get my depression issues under control (much better since I started working on this).

He is insecure about the poly thing. He's terrified of "ending up alone" and/or being replaced. Neither of which would ever happen intentionally on my part. Can't say I won't get hit by a car and die (thus leaving him alone) but I won't just leave. Even if he decides that what I need to be happy he can't handle and we divorce, I would easily be friends with him. This is something that he has come to udnerstand is simply my personality and accepts as truth which seems to help SOME of his insecurity issues.

We're in counseling for communication because we struggle with that. His insecurities lead to some hair raising conversations at times but he's working his butt off to learn better communication skills and I'm unbelievably proud of his commitment and devotion to that.

My best friend C is the other man I am in love with and currently we function as a V. I don't imagine that it will ever be a triad, as neither of them are bi and both tend to be mono's naturally. We do all live together and we share child-rearing and financial responsibility as a family. Everyone in our lives knows we're family-but none know we are in a poly relationship..... that's all for now!

Update:After much time on here talking and more reading-Maca decided that he was ok with "coming out" more. Now we are "out" with everyone but his brother, his exwife, his coworkers and GG's family (who we don't associate with anyway)! This is THRILLING for me.
"Love As Thou Wilt"

Last edited by LovingRadiance; 01-05-2010 at 02:34 AM. Reason: updating
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Old 10-04-2009, 09:16 PM
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Nzlovergirl Nzlovergirl is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 15

Hi, im Nzlovergirl, im 25 and I live in New Zealand.

I am married to a wonderful man, have been for three years, though we've been together for almost 9.

We opened our lives to the idea of polyamory two years ago and he has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for almost all of that. I dated her husband, so in essence, we had a wonderful quad in place that worked well for 18 months. Then, due to difficult circumstance my relationship with him broke down. I have been dating a mono guy for the last three months and as hard as it is sometimes, its still a wonderful experience.
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Old 10-04-2009, 09:39 PM
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berserker239 berserker239 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Pottsville, Pennsylvania
Posts: 169
Thumbs up

My Name is Nicholas, call me Nick or B.

My story is a long one and im not sure if this is the place for it.

Im 17, ill be 18 in 2 days less than a month! November 2nd ftw ^^

Im poly and so is my girlfriend Haley, we recently got out of a poly relationship with another girl because she backstabbed us and got a boyfriend behind our back then lied about it.

Im probably the only 17 that i know whos willing to consider a little girl who isnt mine or my girlfriend's biological child, but i have a huge softspot for her. As soon as i saw her, i fell in love with her immediately. I see myself in her(and she looks just like me and my girl), when i was younger i had the same situation she is in. A drug addict mother and a father who is hardly ever around. I just look at her and i feel like id do anything to see her smile, id die to make her happy. I guess thats how biological parents feel when they see their child. I know its irresponsible of me to do what im doing with her, and probably going to cause her grief when she gets older, but that grief wont be anything compared to what i had to do with my mother when i was young. I dont want that to happen to her, so thats why i care about her so much i guess.

Im straight, shes bisexual. Not much to say about me except that i play guitar and im a bit messed up in the head from seeing what i had to when i was a 'child'. I try my damndest to work through it but it gets real hard sometimes. Im basically an orphan, my mother is dead and my father physically abused me and left me on the side of the road without so much as a word of goodbye. I live with my Great Aunt Carol, and i have for the past 7 years.

Im an amateur computer tech and an amateur guitarist. Pretty much an amateur everything. Senior in highschool and one of the most friendly people you can possibly meet xD. Im very open and honest about anything and everything. No question is too far, i get alot of questions about my life from people so ive gotten used to it. Some people shun me for it, others pitty, but most look past it and see who i am. Feel free to say hi, i wont bite.

[Update: 10/17/09 4:36pm -500gmt] First update since making this. Girlfriend left me yesterday, gave me the "It's not you it's me" story. I am now fully convinced that women are in fact, the devil. Honestly getting very sick of the way people treat me, have you ever given everything to someone? Told them everything, things you've never even wanted to relive? I did that, i told her about my entire life, growing up the way i did, being walked out on by every person i've ever cared for, being abused by my father. Yet, she still told me that my depression upset her and caused her to have depression, wich was one of the reasons she left me. Grades are slipping and if i do not pass every class then i do not graduate.

How do you go from having everything to nothing? God i need a cigarette..

[Update: 12/06/09 12:46am -500gmt] Lost myself, who i am, what i stand for. My grades are still slipping and i just cant find it in me to care about anything. Maybe im going nuts. I miss having a girl around to order me around. God, thats pathetic isnt it?
Because sometimes when you love something, you need to let it go..

Last edited by berserker239; 12-06-2009 at 05:47 AM.
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Old 10-05-2009, 05:56 AM
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maca maca is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 204

You can call me Maca,

Im 38 years old been married once before. Loving Radiance is my wife of 10 years.We have 4 kids.We each have one from another relationship one together and one via a donor.We live in Alaska but are planning to spend the winters in the states and summers back up here.I love the outdoors, hunting, fishing and camping in the summers is what gets me through the winters.

5 years ago I caught my wife cheating on me.(before anyone gasps) She had her reasons and to be Radically Honest I was a major cause of it.We decided that we could get past this and move foward.

I was so miserable for the next 5 years,I knew she was continuing her affair and I felt so second rate.Finally on the 25 of Sept she came clean and told me she was poly and that she want to be open and honest about her feelings for this other man.I have found that the honesty has really taken away so much pain, I think all I really needed was her love me enough to be honest with me.

As it stands now I have accepted Her and I have opened up to a whole new world of what love can do.Im presently open to meeting aonther women ,not out looking but keeping my heart and mind open.

I have some anger and trust issues with my wife's other but I plan to talk to him this week and get it all out in the open.Hopefully Ill update this post to say that I have found a new friendship with him.Otherwise I dont see how any of us can truly be happy.Wish me luck
" NO WORDDIES BE HAPPY"- My 2 year old baby girl
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Old 10-11-2009, 02:01 PM
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Tenshi Tenshi is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 3

Hello out there. I'm Tenshi. I'm 25, female, and an American living in Japan. I am pansexual. I was introduced to the idea of polyamory by the BDSM community. I saw people having happy, successful relationships with multiple people and it seemed so right for me.

I think that polyamory is something that not only is in line with my personal beliefs about love and relationships, but that a poly relationship would make me a very happy girl. I've always had problems with monogamous relationships because I am so close to so many people and I could never just be in love with or close to my partner. In some cases, this led to cheating (which I am still very sorry and ashamed about), and sometimes it just led to my partner being frustrated that I still loved other people as well. Because of all my frustrations, I decided to be "single" because it was the only way I could get away with having close romantic and/or sexual relationships with more than one person.

My situation is a bit messy right now. I've been putting a lot of energy into figuring out what exactly it is that I want and how to get there. I have been "single" for about a year and a half. I have still been close to my ex as well as a few other people. I have two very deep romantic (and sexual) relationships with men. They're very important to me. I love them both very much and I can't see giving either one up. They do know about one another (They had been friends in the past, but because of an argument, they are not now.) but the situation is a bit hush-hush. I'll call one P and the other K.

K knows about my relationship with P and with anyone else I have any sort of romantic/sexual closeness with. He's okay with everything. We've decided we'd like to try having a polyamorous relationship. I was actually very surprised how easygoing he is about all of it. Things have gone well between us and I think we could have a very happy poly relationship. Unfortunately, P is not so poly. He also hates K because of an argument. He does know that I spend time with K and that we've had a sexual relationship but any mention of K normally ends in a severe argument (we just can't seem to resolve this!) so I try not to bring him up.

I've been living here for a couple months and I'll be here until August unless I decide to stay longer (one year contracts), so I have some time to work things out but I'm also kind of lonely. My ideal situation would be to have both K and P as boyfriends as well as being able to continue to have my "sort of" girlfriend and an old dom of mine as lovers. I don't think this can happen but I intend to come out to P with my intentions to be poly and my desires soon. (
I have mentioned wanting to be poly before, so this won't be a huge shock.)

I just fear that our relationship will come to an end and I love him so much I couldn't stand that. On the other hand, I want to be able to live freely and honestly. I want to be happy even if it takes a lot of work and pain to get there.
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Old 10-25-2009, 12:53 AM
andref64ca andref64ca is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 3
Default Hi from Montreal

I am ... A.

french-canadian, 45, recently divorce after 16 yrs of living together and 12 of these being married to a wonderful woman. Having discovered i was poly over 2.5 yrs ago thanks to another wonderful woman i met online who i'm happy to say she's now one of my loves.... my now ex-wife and i decided to part ways as frineds and she will be re-married soon to a wonderful man living in the UK.

I now have 2 wonderful loves in my life, my sweet R. from Washington DC and my darling D. in Montreal.

Be well
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Old 10-25-2009, 01:19 AM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 175

Im Jools

i am 25, I am a support worker i enjoy caring for people i love art and i write a lot of poetry. i am half way through training to be a person centred therapist

I have been with C for almost 6 years, we have been poly for nearly 3,

we had discussed an open relationship as a possibilty from the start, but skirted around it never doing anything through fear,
then i met M
i feel madly in love,
that was a disastor i cheated on C, i felt guilty and confessed, i did it again, he found out, we decided that we didn't want to break up and it was time to try open relationship as last ditch attempt to save our very fragile relationship,
M was as good as married so i was like a mistress for a year,
(this is not a good way to go about polyamoury!!!)

things ended with M

C and i took 6 months to heal our fragile relationship and decide where we wanted to go, we talked to friends who have been married for 13 years and who called themselfs polyamorous and we realised that this was the direction we needed to go,
we reserached, and we talked A LOT
and we decided to date
Chris met D, and I met A
then i fell pregnant, and A and I broke up,
at 4 months i lost our baby boy,

after somewhat healing from this loss i dated somemore but nobody could ever fill the hole that M had left, dispite the disastor of the relationship i had loved him, and so i decided to talk to C about possibility of having M as part of my life except this time not as an affair but out in the open,

i got back in touch with M who was in process of a break up
and we are now talking as friends, and i am working very hard with C to resolve the issues he has around the initial betrayal

and then
as if its not complicated enough
my friend sets me up on a date with a man that i met a year previous who i was attracted too but who i never approuched and something amazing happens
i fall madly in love, he meets C they get on, and now i realise i have these 2 amazing relationships with men that are loving, open minded and wonderful,
and my friendship with M continues so there is possibility that i may bring a third into my life, tentitivly,

unfortunatly C and his girlfriend D broke up after a year so at the moment we are like a V,

but to add more complication
i also have very very close female friend Y who we both care for and love deeply, this is more than a friendship but its not a relationship, its just love, something i can't explain, that both C and I feel for her,

and yaa
if you followed that then congrats
hell i can't even follow it myself

but the most important thing is at least 90 percent of time we are all happy!! so there is so much love around me and i realise how lucky i am, yes its hard work but its worth it,

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