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Old 08-25-2009, 05:24 AM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 520

Well, I suppose I shall join the crowd.

I'm Vandalin, or just Van if you like. I'm 33 and married to a wonderful man, (as most have heard and affirmed) whom I refer to as Cajun, and we have a beautiful 3.5 year old daughter, she is my Jewel and a 2 month old son who is my little Prince. We are new to poly as we have only been exploring it since June of 2009. I happen to be the one with poly drives. Up until recently I had never thought that I could want a poly relationship myself but after falling in love with another man (only a friend now), I discovered that maybe this is the right path for me. My husband is very GGG with the idea and we will take things at his pace.

I am out looking to date, but currently not looking to rush into anything. I want to explore relationships and try to find out what it is that I really want.

These forums have been a blessing to me and my husband by proxy.

We live in Minneapolis, MN.

Cast of Characters:
Vandalin: Me -- Cajun: My wonderful husband -- my Jewel: Our daughter -- my little Prince: Our son
Elric: My first poly love, now my dear friend and confidant -- Bucky: a dear friend with whom there is mutual feelings and desires for intimacy -- Carl: my new friend and my "first date" who is also new to the poly world with his wife.
Life is about the journey and not the destination,
so what better way to know life
than to wander all the roads and paths set before you.

Last edited by vandalin; 08-22-2010 at 05:46 AM. Reason: Year 2 updates
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Old 08-26-2009, 05:21 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: SW Michigan
Posts: 600
Default Bio

My name is Rachel. I am 5'8''ish, with brown eyes and curly brown hair. I just turned 30 in July and am thrilled to leave my twenties behind me.

I am a writer and full-time student studying English. I have the luxury of spending most of my time on my education, my relationships, my artwork, and my writing. My last 9-5 was at a metalworking school and gallery, where I directed the gallery, did administrative work for the school, and assisted in education and special projects. I hope to never work a 9-5 again, unless it is for myself. I will stay in school as long as it remains possible.

I am wife to Damncatfish these past four years. I love him immensely, and it's getting better all the time as I find more to love about myself. Our foray into polyamory thus far has included exhaustive conversations, a couple of crushes that haven't panned out, lots of reading this forum and other sources of information, and much self-reflection.

D and I have realized that we both have at least one friend with whom we want to explore a deeper relationship, and we can sometimes laugh at all of the guarded, encrypted bullshit that happened before we got up the balls to talk to each other about polyamory, which we've been skirting around for a few years now.

Sometimes it hurts because it was really hard and tested our love almost to the point of breaking it, but I refuse to look at these experiences as wasted time or unnecessary pain because I believe we needed all of it to get where we are today. There is still much to discuss and lots of fear on both of our parts about being hurt or hurting each other, but through all of this, we have become closer than we ever were and are crazy in love again. We are growing together again.

We live in and love Michigan, and our community, Kalamazoo, which is a special place unlike anywhere I've lived where the people believe in arts and education. In Kalamazoo, every public school student that goes k-12 receives a full scholarship to any college or university in Michigan by way of a group of anonymous investors. ( Kalamazoo Promise) This is just one example of the unbelievable community that we are a part of.

I will let D tell you about his band and banjo- we have lots of friends who play and gig and tour and we have music all around us.

I love to travel, love to talk, love to learn. I am a decent gardener and cook when I try. I am a bit of an extreme personality- lots of opposites that fit together to make my life- very social when I choose to be-hermit when I need to be. Focused at times, complete mess at others, etc.

I love my life.
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan

I love Catfish and Charlie.

Last edited by Rarechild; 10-26-2010 at 01:24 PM.
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Old 08-27-2009, 05:17 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305

I'm a mother of a 15yo and a 10yo. I've been married to one man, who doesn't belong to this forum at all, for 19 years. We became involved in a committed relationship with our closest friends, another married couple, earlier this year--I'm thinking March? They have two more children, 8yo and 4yo. My husband and I had heard of polyamory through friends of ours, but I felt it wasn't for me. However, things evolved with our other partners until I slowly realized I was in love with them, too. (It's hard for me to speak for my husband, but he says he's all for this polyamory thing, but only if I am.)

We tried to go too far too fast, so things were rough for a long time. I think they're smoothing out now. Right now our other male partner doesn't seem to be able to decide if he wants to be polyamorous, and he withdraws sometimes, so we seem at times more like a triangle with a leg than a quad. We've all been to various types of therapy, and my female partner and I have health problems that we're working on solving. Our children seem to be adjusting to the additional siblings--something that was hard for my children, as the eldest of the four. We live in seperate houses, and while we would like to live together, we're practical enough to accept that it would strain our relationship, at least until at least some of the kids are grown.
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Old 09-04-2009, 05:36 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369

You can call me by XYZ123 (my son made up the name if anyone ever wondered) or by C, as I am not yet willing to totally expose myself. I am 30 years old, about 5'4", blond and hazel eyed.

I live in NYC with my husband N, our amazingly intelligent and emotional 5-year-old son (We have no idea what we "did right") and a daughter on the way in Oct. My child(ren) are my life. We are also animal lovers who have a dog, cat, and chinchilla and would have more animals if our apartment weren't so small. Living in NYC is nice if you want something to do all the time, but as I was born and raised here, I'm over it. Now that we have a growing family we hope to buy a house outside the city within a few years. I'd move to the West Coast, but Ns job requires him here, so that is the compromise. Suburban life.

I am bisexual and have known this since about high school, but repressed it until only about 9 years ago. I started a FWB relationship with a woman because it was "safer" than trying to form a true loving relationship. I found it to be very unsatisfying in regards to what I was really searching for.

I've also been poly for as long as I can remember, though I never had the word for it until N gave it to me. Any relationship with a male I had took on the expectation of monogamy even if monogamy was never discussed or agreed upon. So I thought there was something wrong with me when I would feel deep emotional connections with others. Often, this led to cheating and the break-up of my original relationships. Over the years I found myself in abusive relationships with men, emotionally, physically, verbally, sexually. Looking back now I wonder if I chose these men and chose to stay with them as long as I did due to a feeling of being bad and dirty about my poly nature and because cheating on them wouldn't be so terrible if they "deserved it". Luckily, that is my past and I am dealing with it and my present is so much brighter.

N and I have been together about 7 years. We have been married for 3. Unlike any other relationship I had been in, we started as open. It was somewhere between FWB and an open poly relationship as we were more than just buddies and had known eachother nearly 10 years, but each were dating someone else. I began as his secondary and he chose to leave his other gf and ask a mono relationship with me due to some of the abusive things she had been doing to him over the years. He had always been poly but said he wanted to try mono and wanted to try with me because he had never fallen so hard for anyone. For my part, I had never had anyone accept me for who I was and still love me enough to want a long-term relationship.

We stayed mono for years but our relationship struggled. Most had to do with being terrible at communication (we had both been through abusive relationships), and being thrust into parenting very soon (I was pregnant within the first year as a mono couple) and too young. We both had alot to learn. Very little problems were related to our poly natures, but they were there underneath.

About a year after marrying we nearly divorced. With nothing left to lose, we finally began to talk honestly about everything. And we are so glad we did. Everything came out on the table, years of misunderstanding and dishonesty and hurt...but that is a different story. One thing that came out was my bisexuality and our original poly natures that had been repressed for so long.

Six months later, and with our relationship happier than it had ever been, I began dating P. She was his long-time friend and he had been trying to set us up for years thinking we'd be perfect for eachother. For awhile, we were. We formed a V (or an N since she had a male partner, but one who was only a FB and refused to meet us) physically, but a triad emotionally. My two loves fell into a beautiful loving friendship as I fell in love with her and realized I loved N all the more for it. This was all in the winter/spring of last year. Without getting into detail, that relationship crashed and burned leaving me scarred and P out of our lives by her choice.

I am still tending to wounds, working on keeping the wonderful relationship with N that I have, and open to another woman coming into my life. I am not, however, looking. I am also not interested in other men.

I have had more jobs than I can remember, though most had to do with working with children. Right now I am a SAHM. If I had any spare time I like writing, painting, sculpting, traveling, reading, and being a student of humanity (which I have a love/hate relationship with). I have a degree in Developmental psych and hope to finish my Masters in the near future, though I am undecided on what to do with it.

I'm outgoing, friendly, energetic, and intelligent most of the time. I do have bipolar disorder though, which contributes to times where I am the complete opposite and a misery to be near. But I work on that constantly and am always trying to open my world to new friendships and ways of thinking.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
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Old 09-05-2009, 12:43 AM
Catfish Catfish is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: America's High Five
Posts: 300

You can call me Catfish, but my name is Dan. I live in a midwestern college town with my beautiful wife, Rarechild, two dogs, one cat and my brother. I play rawkus music in an old time string band, but my day job is working with developmentally disabled adults. I've had this job for well over a decade and have sort of a love/hate relationship with it. I love helping people who can't help themselves, but it''s an emotional drain at times and working for a non-profit will ensure a meager existence.

We own our home, but wish we didn't, we have a great community of friends and family, and our lives are rich with music and art. Life is pretty good these days.

Back story...

R and I met at a poetry reading in 2004. She lived an hour away and I had a gf at the time. It didn't take long for me to break up with the gf and start dating R. She is breathtakingly beautiful and smart as a whip, it was an easy choice to make. Three months later we were engaged. A year after that, we were married in a small ceremony on a beach in Cape Cod. Our first year as a married couple was naively blissful. Soon after those golden months ended, we began to get restless and communication slowly broke down. Our whirlwind romance was ending and the real work was beginning, though we were pretty unprepared to give ourselves fully to one another. Two years of withdrawing and misunderstanding followed. We were always good to each other and treated each other with love, but we were both holding back mountains of resentment for the other not being what we thought they were. There's a lot more to it, but I'll leave it at that. Then last fall we had a melt down. R moved out for the winter and we both began the slow and steady process of rebuilding our lives as individuals. R went back to school and I dove headlong into a string band. We talked daily and continued to care for each other even though we needed to be apart. In March, she moved back in, fully expecting to prove to herself that she was never meant to be the marrying type and it would be best to get a divorce. That's when we started actually speaking our minds. With the nuclear option on the table, and being seriously considered, there was nothing to lose. We finally opened our hearts about being attracted to other people. That one conversation changed the entire dynamic of our relationship. We no longer had to hide from one another. We actually found it a turn on talking about it.

That pretty much brings us to today. We are in love, happy and for the first time starting to see the repercussions of spreading love and light among the world we live in. The future looks amazing.
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.
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Old 09-10-2009, 06:56 AM
sweetie sweetie is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 62

I am a 42 year old woman living in Northern B.C. I am single, have 2 adult children and one grandchild.

I like to think I'm easy going. I try not to sweat the small stuff in life. I'm opinionated and state my opinion often. I love a good debate, even if it turns into an argument. I believe in telling the truth and accept no less from the people in my life. I will admit when I'm wrong, but am not always graceful about it.

I have been in a poly relationship for 3 years. I have known my partners for 15 years, and they have been married for amost 30 years. I love my best g/f, but we are not intimate. I guess we have a V. We share emotions, feelings, thoughts and the same man.

We don't live together, except on weekends. We have been known to be under the same roof for as long as 2 weeks, but that's about as long as we can make it before "M" (my g/f) and I start going head to head, and "D" starts shaking his head.

Everyday is a struggle for us. Our issues can be very overwhelming, and I'm thankful I found people who are open and likeminded to talk to.
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Old 09-11-2009, 10:10 PM
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Sunshinegrl Sunshinegrl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 227

Im Sunshinegrl Or M..Again not ready for sharing that here.Its just too open.

Im 27, Bi, Married to my sweetheart, Aussiebloke for almost 5 yrs, together for 11yrs. We have 3 Kids. AussieLover is our third.
Im generally the housewench , I Am a bit of gym junkie and Like to meet new people. I enjoy photography, I dabble in some pspX, I love to read and be crafty. Im a coffee addict and Love to talk. Im easily distracted and tend to babble on and on.

We are new to the poly lifestyle. We were not looking for it..It kinda found us. Didnt even know it had a name till a few months ago. I met AL online about 4 yrs ago and long story short... here we all are. She moved over here recently and we are now living the dream.
I donít get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here...
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am
The luckiest..
~ Ben Folds five ~

Last edited by Sunshinegrl; 09-11-2009 at 10:14 PM. Reason: cause Im crap at this stuff. lol
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Old 09-12-2009, 08:09 AM
sea sea is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 41

I am a 49 year old mom of 4 adult children and been married for almost 30 years. Like many couples that find a stale mate creeping into their lives we searched for something not sure just what is was. We have delved into the swinging lifestyle and found that just wasn't what we were looking for. I guess we started into this new relationship with a 'swinger' attitude but soon found out it was so much more. 3 years in, we are striving to make things work. Being in a 'poly' relationship has been difficult at times but more often a joy beyond description. Many times we have wished for someone to talk to with an understanding of where we are but until now have never had this. I now have the pleasure of having two best friends which I can confide in and share all of lifes ups and downs with. From where I sit....I can see a future full of love and happiness....isn't that what everyone is hoping for!
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Old 09-14-2009, 08:06 AM
SilverPhoenix SilverPhoenix is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 9

I'll stick to my name on here in sharing (feel free to shorten the 'nickname' I'm not bothered!) as I'm not really out to public (coworkers/friends) - I haven't found many people I could be friends with that would accept this level of different-ness. I'll try to be brief in this "summary"... I tend to be verbose in most things. Feel free to message me if you have questions about anything!

I'm female, 27 and I live in Texas, with one of my sweeties, "C". My other, "F" lives overseas in a lovely european country. I've known the latter for a little bit longer, both of us having met the former together. All told, I think the triad relationship has been going on solid for about 8 years now.

I think of myself as bi, although I've not had any relationships with another female yet. C is mostly straight, but takes exception for F, mostly on an emotional level and loves him to pieces, though will go into physical now and again (when F is here!). F is mostly gay, and takes exception for me, and our relationship is strong and has lasted long distance with brief visits for years now, which is amazing even to me.

Currently F is living with his best friend, who he has a crush on, and is sorting out a friends with benefits type deal, slowly. It's rough going, and I've had to play mediator some, but it works. His friend understands the relationship and even really likes me in a semi-romantic way, but is unsure about guys in "that way". It's a work in progress, and C and I are rooting for him!

C is talking with another girl currently, and they really like each other. I'll go into more detail on that in an actual thread I plan on starting, but they're enjoying each others' company online and are seeing where things are going.

I feel like I'm caught in the center of a slow-moving vortex of activity!

Oh yes, summary... that's it I guess then! I'll update as things evolve!
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Old 09-14-2009, 02:45 PM
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greenearthal greenearthal is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 208

I'm Alex. I'm a rapper. My Rap Name is Alex.

I've been polyamorous for 5+ years.

After 31+ years of devotion to the world of monogamy and 4+ years of self imposed celibacy I met a woman who shook the very foundation of my life. She was a polyamorous, Unitarian Universalist, activist. I was a very monogamous, Atheist writer (writing about what seemed wrong in the world but never doing much about it beyond writing).

We fell in love. After a very intense year of a mono/poly hybrid relationship I decided I would try to "be polyamorous". After two very frustrating years of being polyamorous in theory, with one girlfriend that I absolutely adored, and many, many female friends who seemed to be of the attitude "You're AWESOME!... but... THAT'S WEIRD!" I experienced my own little polyamory success stories.

A woman that I had had a crush on since the day I "became poly" decided to give it a go with me. And we tried turning my house into an intentional community at the same time. There were to be four of us living happily every after. And then it imploded fantastically in a cataclysmic supernova of cosmic proportions that we were lucky to get out of with no one getting killed.

Single now.

I have been out pretty much the whole time I've been Poly. I have blogged about it. Written books about it. I'm in a band and have mentioned it in various songs. And am still constantly surprised by how many of my close friends will come up to me and say "You're poly? I never knew that."

But I am. Feel like I've learned it the hard way, but I can't really imagine being otherwise anymore.

A polyamorous, Unitarian Universalist/Atheist, activist writer/rapper playin in a rock n roll band.

the beginning
me n the band, singin our song
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polandry mfm, polyandry family

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