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Old 02-18-2019, 01:01 AM
Leetah Leetah is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 671

Great to hear! Thanks for the update and the hard won words of wisdom.

" I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant"
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Old 02-18-2019, 07:29 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,166

Luck wished. I'm glad to hear that things are going better now.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-19-2019, 03:33 PM
JackDarlene JackDarlene is offline
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 8

"...my kind of jealousy is more of a I-am-so-much-better-why-would-he-waste-his-time-with-her-when-he-could-be-with-me?…

I have found no information on how to handel this kind of jealousy in any self-help forum so far."

If two people voluntarily spend time together, it's because something in each of them meets a need in the other (whether or not that need is even recognized or acknowledged). If he's 'wasting his time with her' it's because she meets a need of his. Whether he's aware of what that need is or willing/able to recognize it is another matter. It's not something that you can do anything about ... it just is. If you can't live with it and can't get past it, you may want to consider whether continuing the relationship will meet Your needs.

Just a thought.
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Old 02-24-2019, 03:32 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 2,067

Originally Posted by Kindalosthere View Post
Hello beautiful people!....

So, I guess that’s what I wanted to share: I’m happy, I’m hopeful and I’m still moving. Wish me luck!
Best of luck in your relationship and all of your endeavors!
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-always-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (26+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (8+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 02-24-2019, 05:27 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,045

Thanks for the update, kindalost. No, I'm not surprised to see you back here. Venting here and getting advice was helpful to you last year, so it's only natural you'd want to share your progress.

I'm glad Arthur and Brianna finally broke up! So much fighting! I almost had to laugh at her insistence you and he make up a written relationship contract (again reminding me of Big Bang Theory), just because she had one with him.

I'm glad a therapist is helping Arthur heal from his breakup. It shouldn't all be on you.

Do either of you have real life friends that understand polyamory and can be sounding boards for you around how to do poly? Or is it only here and with a therapist that you can figure things out?

I think it's fine to "rest" on both sides and be Closed for as long as you want. Your relationship got off to a rocky and, may I say, unnatural start. Why not just enjoy the normal getting to know you fun and dates now?

One little red flag is how you're imagining maybe at some point you'll open on your side for some casual sex only. Doing casual sex takes a certain precautionary skill set. Sex is bonding and often causes feelings, and then there you'll be... polyamorous again. When you're not really ready for it.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since June 2018)
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