Morningglory's Awakening

That's a given. And we have slowly been moving towards more social interaction. thanks Mon. How did you handle being introduced to Pepper's nuclear family? what helped? what didn't work for you? his dadt policy is that he does not want to hear sexual details. or for that matter personal details that concern only 2rings And I. but point taken.

Those personal details are hard to avoid. Whether it's laughing at a joke that you and OSO share and then having to fill in SO, or what have you. Spend any amount of time together, the three of you, and hubs won't be able to ignore the fact that you and 2rings are an item.
 
Suggestions for keeping it general but thoughtful?:confused:

No,
but, what about starting a "blogger" or "wordpress" blog and you could get as personal as you want, you could invite by PM anyone on here that you were interested in sharing with or who has expressed an interest in knowing and it would still be....
out of the firing line....
 
No,
but, what about starting a "blogger" or "wordpress" blog and you could get as personal as you want, you could invite by PM anyone on here that you were interested in sharing with or who has expressed an interest in knowing and it would still be....
out of the firing line....

This. A thousand times, this.
 
The DADT policy is a difficult one to negotiate through AND have a relationship around each other.

GG is mono and he and I have a solid relationship.

You might drop him an email (if you want his email address PM me or catch me on facebook).

One of the difficulties I've encountered when having two loves in the same place is ensuring that both receive the amount of attention that they need-without the other one getting uppity.. I imagine that will be a topic to consider if you are with both your hubby and 2rings due to your hubby not wanting to encounter that aspect of yoru relationship with 2rings. You will have to "tone down" your affection with 2rings... that could cuase issues between the two of you.
 
I find that my personal blog, which has very, very few viewers, helps me tremendously. Sometimes it's just a matter of being able to formulate and get my thoughts and rants down where I can read and re-read it as well as having those close to me see and comment on it if necessary. My husband nearly always reads it and it keeps him clued in as to where my thoughts are at, especially when we don't always have the time to sit down and have a serious discussion every night.
 
I find that my personal blog, which has very, very few viewers, helps me tremendously. Sometimes it's just a matter of being able to formulate and get my thoughts and rants down where I can read and re-read it as well as having those close to me see and comment on it if necessary. My husband nearly always reads it and it keeps him clued in as to where my thoughts are at, especially when we don't always have the time to sit down and have a serious discussion every night.

Yes this is an interesting option. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around how to balance peace with everyone in our situation AND either not communicating or communicating too much. So what is TMI in a poly/mono double hinge situation?
 
Yes this is an interesting option. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around how to balance peace with everyone in our situation AND either not communicating or communicating too much. So what is TMI in a poly/mono double hinge situation?

I don't know that it's even a poly/mono thing, I think it is totally person specific. For instance, my husband and I are both poly. My husband is a voyeur and is way more comfortable hearing information about my physical relationships with other people then I am of hearing about his physical relationships with other people. In terms of hearing about relationship information, even inside jokes, etc., both of us have about the same tolerance. But our point of TMI for physical information is way different.
 
I don't know that it's even a poly/mono thing, I think it is totally person specific. For instance, my husband and I are both poly. My husband is a voyeur and is way more comfortable hearing information about my physical relationships with other people then I am of hearing about his physical relationships with other people. In terms of hearing about relationship information, even inside jokes, etc., both of us have about the same tolerance. But our point of TMI for physical information is way different.

Good point. It is definitely a "feel your way" kind of thing; which sucks for me because I am a COA (course of action) kind of person. BTW I am definitely much more a voyuer, but have a really hard time sharing my personal stuff. 2Rings is really the only person that knows all of my "stuff" because he was so into listening and helping me work through some things- I have mighty struggles with trust. So that is why I have no idea what is TMI- I think everything is TMI but at the same time really like to hear/watch both the sexual and personal stuff of others. Is it duplicity? Is it empathy? Is it some kind of courtship disorder? No idea. But I can say this blogging thing is soooo out of my comfort zone. I can't believe I am doing it. It is addicting and freeing to a point. Thank God it is somewhat anonymous. I am a walking contradiction, this I know!:D
 
Just a blurb I read on sexual liberation etc

"The societal and cultural reality is that we are a far cry from sexual equality in this day and age. Men, straight or gay, have benefited from the luxury of sexual liberation without so much as their moral values being scrutinized by society. Women, whether straight or queer, have no such freedom. Labels such as “slut” or “nympho” continue to plague women who seek sexual autonomy. These stereotypes and misconceptions are perpetuated in the media, government, educational system, religious institutions, and even within the women’s movement. We still have a long way to go before we can dismantle these derogatory perceptions and liberate ourselves from the social constraints that have been imposed upon us since birth. The first place to start is with one’s self, confronting your own self-imposed guilt and your fears of stepping outside the standards of societal norms. It starts with freeing your mind, body, and heart to love openly despite judgment."
Wendy-O Matik

I think a reclaiming of the word slut (which I know there is a thread on here) is in order:p Not everyone will ever read the book Ethical Slut.:)
 
". . . The first place to start is with one’s self, confronting your own self-imposed guilt and your fears of stepping outside the standards of societal norms . . ."

I think this is so important. If one rushes too far and too fast into being free with one's body and going beyond comfort zones, without looking at the inhibitions and fears on the flip side, it can be damaging. I'm the first to acknowledge my inner Prude. She lives inside me, right next to my Slut. In fact, they might even be twin sisters. If I take them both along with me on this journey called life, and into the bedroom where I am trying things I've never tried before, I think I'll have much better, more authentic experiences. I can't pretend I don't have reservations or judgments (both positive and negative) about my sluttiness, or my prudery. This applies to my desire to have poly relationships, too -- I can't deny the conditioning I've had to be mono. Embracing all of me, not just my adventurous or unconventional side, leads to wholeness and freedom.
 
How did you handle being introduced to Pepper's nuclear family? what helped? what didn't work for you? his dadt policy is that he does not want to hear sexual details. or for that matter personal details that concern only 2rings And I. but point taken.

Initially I met RP's and PN's families as a family friend. We built up a certain repertoire based on my being a close personal friend of the family. I felt a little awkward attending family dinners as an "outsider". I was included in some pretty personal events as a friend, so the curiosity of other family members became more and more intense and awkward.

Then we came out to them and all hell broke loose on RP's side. Luckily I had an already formed connection with most of the people involved so after the dust settled we fell back into a natural coexistence without any of the awkwardness.

First question: Will you initially be introducing him as you Boyfriend or as a friend of you and your Hubby"s? There is a big difference obviously.

My recommendation from someone who went through this just like 2Rings will have to:

1) Build up a friendly connection through casual get togethers - nothing to personal as this will raise questions perhaps a bit too soon.

2) Once 2Rings establishes himself independently with your ex tented family or social circle then you can move into more personal get togethers.

3) Assess when they have built up trust in 2Rings and then decide if they are ready to hear the full story of his involvement.

4) AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!! Attempt to have your Hubby and 2Rings develop their own genuine connection. Why is this so important? Your friends and family will already be aligned with and concerned with your Hubby. They will be looking for signs that he is either healthy and ok or if he is in pain and struggling. Your Hubby WILL NOT be able to fake that he is happy and healthy with this dynamic in front of people who know him. If he isn't comfortable they will see through any forced smiles or practiced responses to their questions - his answers have to come from his heart in order for people to see past their concerns. If people see that he is hurting, they will likely see 2Rings in a negative way.

If you want to have any relaxed, genuine and enjoyable time as a tribe together, you need to all be in a good place. Then you will fill the room with confidence and positivity...otherwise the room will be filled with awkwardness.

Good luck....and have p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e
 
Initially I met RP's and PN's families as a family friend. We built up a certain repertoire based on my being a close personal friend of the family. I felt a little awkward attending family dinners as an "outsider". I was included in some pretty personal events as a friend, so the curiosity of other family members became more and more intense and awkward.

Then we came out to them and all hell broke loose on RP's side. Luckily I had an already formed connection with most of the people involved so after the dust settled we fell back into a natural coexistence without any of the awkwardness.

Yeah we tried this with me meeting 2rings family/friends as a friend but then...well you know the rest. Didn't really go as planned.

On my end I have always maintained that 2rings needs to have his own connections to the people within my life. They need to know him as 2rings rather than my boyfriend (don't want rivalry or loyalty issues here) I agree that this will help in the eventual coming-out altogether. And more than anything I want he and Hubs to have their own connection/friendship. I can see what you mean about Hubs having to be open and genuine with his acceptance of 2rings.

So far he is only known as a friend from work. A close friend from work. He has been to my daughter's bball games, and he attended my daughter's play with his son where I wasn't there- I had gone to opening night, he went to a matinee. He has met my sister who knows everything. And my cousin who knows everything. For that matter they also know KT as 2rings wife someone who went away with me on my girls trip, attended glass-jewelry class etc. 2rings has met my parents in passing but no real conversations. We are definitely going slow, and every couple of months I try to go a bit further with it.

So here's to being able to concentrate on my family for a bit WITH 2rings and Hubs.

Thanks Mon!
 
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Feeling a bit angst-ridden today. Some physical illness contributing. But I am having emotions I didn't expect. Not a great 24 hours.

Enough said. :(
 
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Girl, you aren't ok. I don't know if you can do phone calls, but I'll pm you my number and Maca's just in case.
Xo
 
I am ok. Just alot of learning to do. And more than anything I need to figure out how to process emotions on my own. I don't want to ruin relationships because I can't keep it together. I am so mean when I am feeling insecure or pressured or just lonely. how can I feel lonely in a house full of people??? well it happens especially in a dadt environment. ah well...tomorrow should be better, I think I will put on my hiking boots and take a walk.
xo LR- I will give ya a call tonight! lot's of curiosity.
 
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I feel lonely in a house full on a regular basis! Don't ask me "how" but I accomplish it quite frequently!!

I understand the difficulty of DADT on a small scale, because per our agreement made this last week, Maca and I are not discussing my relationship with GG. FORTUNATELY that doesn't mean that I can't say ANYTHING that pertains to GG, that would be hard since he lives here. But, it still means I have things on my mind that I can't talk about. Pain in the ass and does create a sense of lonliness at times. :(

At any rate, by 8pm my time, I won't be with Maca (cause he already headed home). You CAN still call him if you want-he's more than willing to talk to you about what we were discussing. But-if you want, you can call me too. Either way or both. :)
 
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