This could be fun.... need question ideas

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by whatamIdoing

but since I'm not sure he's ever going to be a LOVE of mine I'm still not sure I belong here....

Anyone may participate here as long as they follow the rules. We can't force anyone to participate if they don't want to.

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by whatamIdoing

but since I'm not sure he's ever going to be a LOVE of mine I'm still not sure I belong here....

I'm here and I'm in a mono marriage (for now anyway) and don't even have any potential outside interest. I find that I feel comfortable here and everyone on this board has great relationship advice, whether it's just between friends, husband and wife or multiple partners. I love the fact that all types of honest relationships are supported here with no societal, religious or traditional bias.

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by SNeacail

I'm here and I'm in a mono marriage (for now anyway) and don't even have any potential outside interest. I find that I feel comfortable here and everyone on this board has great relationship advice, whether it's just between friends, husband and wife or multiple partners. I love the fact that all types of honest relationships are supported here with no societal, religious or traditional bias.

that's a very good point thank you.

I think I'm really struggling with this (not the having of the relationship but the figuring out of where to slot him in my life) and my husband is struggling for other reasons.

and my head swims and I don't know what to do... or how to figure it out...

[Passport]

Originally Posted by whatamIdoing

WE have PLENTY to say to each other... it's TEXT that's an issue for us... and sadly we have to be limited to text most of the time due to time constraints...

I have a friend like this. In person, we have lots to talk about. In text, or even on the phone... *poof* dead air.

I would just continue to tell him about your life, be somewhat vague and hope that he is interested in you enough to ask YOU more questions.

[FlameKat]

Questions - going by the other thread - this game could be your opportunity to straighten some things out with this guy...

Ask him - where does he see this going?
Why does he want to muscle in on B's weekends? etc and so forth - get some honest answers...

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by FlameKat

Questions - going by the other thread - this game could be your opportunity to straighten some things out with this guy...

Ask him - where does he see this going?
Why does he want to muscle in on B's weekends? etc and so forth - get some honest answers...

I did ask him... where do you slot me in your life... I continue to await an answer... interestingly enough he will talk to me about it on the phone or face to face but in email he IGNORES what he does not want to deal with (and he told me so... ugh)

[FlameKat]

That strikes a red flag for me - probably a baggage thing of mine...

what does he say on the phone/ face to face about where he see's it heading?

[Ariakas]

Originally Posted by whatamIdoing

I did ask him... where do you slot me in your life... I continue to await an answer... interestingly enough he will talk to me about it on the phone or face to face but in email he IGNORES what he does not want to deal with (and he told me so... ugh)

Well...some people just can't communicate with that disconnect. You may have to understand his communication style and kind of give up on this.

Email and text there is a disconnect in how some people communicate. My wife is slowly learning, but its been almost a year of trying. BEing a geek, email/text/msn are simple for me. I can maintain conversation without the required physical presence. Some people need to hear the intonation or see the physical nuance during communication. He might not be able to banter because he is missing that.

Best of luck with it, your best bet may be to meet him where he is comfortable and give him time to come over to the digital side.

[whatamIdoing]

Originally Posted by FlameKat

That strikes a red flag for me - probably a baggage thing of mine...

what does he say on the phone/ face to face about where he see's it heading?

do we have a head banging smiley... this is all so NEW... our only time face to face was at the last con we snuck about an hour of talk time late one night to AGREE to have NSA sex... that was what we AGREED to...

and as we started emailing it started MORPHING... I never expected to be POLY... I just thought he would be a regular long term once in a while friend with benefits... he is single never married... and as he said 'what guy in his right mind would turn down NSA sex???"

WE have not had any other face time to discuss where we are going or how we feel... we've had ONE phone convo... but he has said things like:

"we have to get comfortable with each other before we attend that kind of party" (a swing party---and then I put him in his place that he would NEVER attend a swing party with me as that is not where HE is slotted for me in MY life... I have a perfectly good husband I swing with....)

on my saying something he sent me broadened my horizons "hmmm so much you shall learn" (this set my DOM flags waving... dude I'm the TEACHER here...)

ok i'm getting way too deep here... so many other things he says that indicate to me he sees this long term...


he and I are making plans to get together on January 8th and he's suggesting plans that will put us too far from his place for what I refer to as "adult time"... he's suggesting plans that are downright DATE like...

and his emails that I tried to keep light and fun and flirty... well I hear about all the problems at work and his family... that's girlfriend treatment to me and he started that from step one....

so if you WANTED NSA sex why are you treating me like a girlfriend???? (see this is what made me think that i needed to look at POLY for us...

[FlameKat]

Sounds to me like you need to put your foot down with where you want this relationship to be... and how its going to go ahead...

Is it still NSA for you? Or do you love this guy now? Either way you need to be clear on the boundaries that YOU are comfortable with... not just by reference to B, what makes you comfortable?