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  #141  
Old 08-10-2018, 09:37 AM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Vince, I'm sorry to hear about Mary's sudden about-face. I can understand your bewilderment. (I didn't realise you guys were strictly platonic though.)

Sounds like you have a lot going on right now. I feel for you.
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  #142  
Old 08-10-2018, 04:57 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunabunny View Post
Vince, I'm sorry to hear about Mary's sudden about-face. I can understand your bewilderment. (I didn't realise you guys were strictly platonic though.)

Sounds like you have a lot going on right now. I feel for you.
It didn't start out as platonic. Her husband put a bunch of restrictions on her though. It turned into more of an emotional relationship without sex. But she made that decision. I knew she had a fantasy of us getting together when we were in out eighties, but I didn't think she really thought that was a reality.

In the meantime Bella is a nervous wreck about whatever this thing is she needs to tell me. I should find out tomorrow.
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  #143  
Old 08-10-2018, 06:41 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
It didn't start out as platonic. Her husband put a bunch of restrictions on her though. It turned into more of an emotional relationship without sex. But she made that decision. I knew she had a fantasy of us getting together when we were in out eighties, but I didn't think she really thought that was a reality.

In the meantime Bella is a nervous wreck about whatever this thing is she needs to tell me. I should find out tomorrow.
Good lord, spit it out, woman!
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  #144  
Old 08-16-2018, 02:32 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am here for the update too.
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  #145  
Old 08-16-2018, 04:48 AM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Well she told me, or I should say I figured it out. I can see why she was reluctant to tell me. This is something a lot of people would run from. I read up on it just in case I was right. It turns out it's not that big of a deal with the meds available these days.

She has hiv. It is undetectable with the meds. Undetectable means it is also not transmittable. I'm fine with that. I am glad I looked into it before I found out though. She has been living with this for 25 years.

So we are still moving right along. She was ready to have sex last night, but she had a little too much to drink. It didn't feel right to take advantage. Plus, sex with drunk women kind of turns me off. Cat always needed to be buzzed to have sex and that always bothered me.
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  #146  
Old 08-16-2018, 03:31 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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If you want an extra layer of protection, look into PreP for yourself - covered by a lot of insurance, especially if you have a sexual relationship with someone who is Poz, and apparently (at least anecdotally, I have friends on it) fairly minimal side-effect wise.
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  #147  
Old 08-16-2018, 03:53 PM
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River River is offline
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Glad to hear you finally found out what was up, vinsanity. And that you got yourself an education before hand.

I once had to think through whether I'd be okay with having a partner with hiv who was (also) undetectable. I decided I could live with that -- though it was not an easy decision. But it turned out that he wasn't really available (for a relationship), after all.

Hiv was a death sentence for so long in my young life. But it's just not at all like that anymore -- if you have access to the drugs.

I "came of age" -- as a (then mostly gay) bi guy -- right at the moment that HIV / AIDS appeared. This was also before much of the country had begun to drop heterosexism and homophobia, of course. It was not an easy time for folks like us!
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  #148  
Old 08-17-2018, 01:15 PM
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I bet it wasn't easy. I do still remember some of the eighties. I remember when people didn't differentiate between HIV and AIDS. Even in the nineties people were pretty ignorant about it.

It wasn't a hard decision for me because I love this girl so much. I read up on it to see how it would affect our sex life. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It's probably a good thing we will be monogamous because I can't imagine STI discussions with potential other partners would go well.
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  #149  
Old 08-17-2018, 01:26 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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No wonder she was stressing so much. good for you for doing your research and making an informed choice. I hope the relationships continues to grow for you both.
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  #150  
Old 08-17-2018, 02:06 PM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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My partner Jester has Hepatitis C. Close family members of his have HIV and AIDS.

It's not an easy thing to hear. Education, appropriate medication and understanding go a long way to dealing with the reality of these conditions. I commend you for being so non-judgemental, Vince.
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Bud: early 20s, son
Lola: early 20s, daughter
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