MonoVCPHG
New member
When I was visiting my parents last week, I sat down with my sister and them for some great open discussion about Redpepper and family.
One of the questions asked was specifically how I could share a woman physically with another man. I responded very simply that any person who engages in an affair generally shares someone physically. My dad immediately got it..because it's true and because people understand the concept of affairs. (Anyone who has had a long term affair can tell you that not having sex with your "real" partner is not an effective concealment method.)
For every question they asked I responded not using words I am familiar with in the poly community but in the words that they understood within theirs.
I never once used the word polyamory. Why...because I would have had to explain it. The topic would have become about definitions and not about the details. No thanks, there's better ways to expend my energy. I did this once and the ensuing Google search set me back in establishing the character of Redpepper and Polynerdist.
I used the word non-monogamy because they understand monogamy and understand the hyphenated "non". My sister said "open relationship". Fine by me, I just expanded on the word to explain our dynamic as opposed to jumping on a soap box.
I will admit they stumped me when they asked how someone could "love" two people at once. I don't know how to explain that so I simply told them I see it in some people's eyes including Redpepper's'. I didn't even go into the often used "you can love more than one child" because the majority of people I know including my parents don't see that love as the same kind of love for a sexual partner...sorry to make it about sex Again I focussed on what I saw as opposed to trying to convince them; trying to would have done more harm then good because I wouldn't be speaking from a place of true feeling but from a place of observation of how others can be.
Basically the whole conversation went very smoothly and we covered a lot of information because we spoke the same language. I didn't try to teach them a new one before getting to what they really wanted to hear.
Did I take the easy way out? Perhaps but I was concerned about explaining the healthy dynamic of my life and not about promoting any ideal.
Would I have been a champion of the the poly community? Nope. I'll leave that up to the theorists and activists.
Did I give my family an understandable and believable example of something beyond traditional monogamous relationships…yes I did.
The result is my family has come to have a better understanding of my relationship with Redpepper. Even though they have known about my chosen family for over a year, they now accept them purely as my family.
One of the questions asked was specifically how I could share a woman physically with another man. I responded very simply that any person who engages in an affair generally shares someone physically. My dad immediately got it..because it's true and because people understand the concept of affairs. (Anyone who has had a long term affair can tell you that not having sex with your "real" partner is not an effective concealment method.)
For every question they asked I responded not using words I am familiar with in the poly community but in the words that they understood within theirs.
I never once used the word polyamory. Why...because I would have had to explain it. The topic would have become about definitions and not about the details. No thanks, there's better ways to expend my energy. I did this once and the ensuing Google search set me back in establishing the character of Redpepper and Polynerdist.
I used the word non-monogamy because they understand monogamy and understand the hyphenated "non". My sister said "open relationship". Fine by me, I just expanded on the word to explain our dynamic as opposed to jumping on a soap box.
I will admit they stumped me when they asked how someone could "love" two people at once. I don't know how to explain that so I simply told them I see it in some people's eyes including Redpepper's'. I didn't even go into the often used "you can love more than one child" because the majority of people I know including my parents don't see that love as the same kind of love for a sexual partner...sorry to make it about sex Again I focussed on what I saw as opposed to trying to convince them; trying to would have done more harm then good because I wouldn't be speaking from a place of true feeling but from a place of observation of how others can be.
Basically the whole conversation went very smoothly and we covered a lot of information because we spoke the same language. I didn't try to teach them a new one before getting to what they really wanted to hear.
Did I take the easy way out? Perhaps but I was concerned about explaining the healthy dynamic of my life and not about promoting any ideal.
Would I have been a champion of the the poly community? Nope. I'll leave that up to the theorists and activists.
Did I give my family an understandable and believable example of something beyond traditional monogamous relationships…yes I did.
The result is my family has come to have a better understanding of my relationship with Redpepper. Even though they have known about my chosen family for over a year, they now accept them purely as my family.