I am in a poly situation (I have a husband - 4 years, and a boyfriend - 2 years) and neither of them have dated anyone else. There's been mild attempts like phone numbers exchanged and group hangouts (for my husband... not at all my boyfriend)..
My boyfriend I'd say is probably better suited for monogamy - When we started dating he wasn't sure he could handle polyamory - but he was interested in me and ended up pursuing me and has been very serious about our relationship. He has a great relationship with my husband and has been very involved in our daily lives and at times we really function as a team. Still though, I sense he would prefer monogamy - he has virtually 0 interest in other people.
My question comes into play here - where - there seems to be - at least the impression I have from various conversations, statements, jokes, whatever .... a limit that I should only have two partners ... I am not sure if because I feel bad they havent had any others ... or because this is what makes them most comfortable - but there seems to be a limit on the number of partners I can see...
This was never a problem - it's not a problem necessarily now - but I am wondering what to do when/if I end up sensing a connection to another person happening and I would like to pursue it - and the reason is because it seems contradictory for me to refrain from pursuing others while being in a poly relationship... ( but i do not want to break any boundaries or comfort levels or anything like that).
I am not sure exactly how to go about asking them about it... I suppose I could continue to be open about people I meet/find interesting/want to hang out with.. let them meet them etc.. but bare in mind that I should not let the relationship build further without seeing where they stand on this third partner issue?
I think what I want to know is how do I talk to them about this limit? And is the limit reasonable or not? I think the limit exists because I was working/going to school for so long which consumed a lot of my life - and that was already limiting the amount of time I could dedicate to them - that the idea of a third and less time was extremely unappealing.
What are other people's opinions? Please be gentle with me in the replies..
Thanks!
My boyfriend I'd say is probably better suited for monogamy - When we started dating he wasn't sure he could handle polyamory - but he was interested in me and ended up pursuing me and has been very serious about our relationship. He has a great relationship with my husband and has been very involved in our daily lives and at times we really function as a team. Still though, I sense he would prefer monogamy - he has virtually 0 interest in other people.
My question comes into play here - where - there seems to be - at least the impression I have from various conversations, statements, jokes, whatever .... a limit that I should only have two partners ... I am not sure if because I feel bad they havent had any others ... or because this is what makes them most comfortable - but there seems to be a limit on the number of partners I can see...
This was never a problem - it's not a problem necessarily now - but I am wondering what to do when/if I end up sensing a connection to another person happening and I would like to pursue it - and the reason is because it seems contradictory for me to refrain from pursuing others while being in a poly relationship... ( but i do not want to break any boundaries or comfort levels or anything like that).
I am not sure exactly how to go about asking them about it... I suppose I could continue to be open about people I meet/find interesting/want to hang out with.. let them meet them etc.. but bare in mind that I should not let the relationship build further without seeing where they stand on this third partner issue?
I think what I want to know is how do I talk to them about this limit? And is the limit reasonable or not? I think the limit exists because I was working/going to school for so long which consumed a lot of my life - and that was already limiting the amount of time I could dedicate to them - that the idea of a third and less time was extremely unappealing.
What are other people's opinions? Please be gentle with me in the replies..
Thanks!