Solo poly and vulnerability

If there's not space for dealing with appropriate vulnerability after deep physically driven emotional connection, maybe that needs to be addressed, or not happen. This doesnMr have to be presence- just good treatment and appropriate contact.

Getting square with yourself about what kind of ongoing contact you want will go a long way toward heading off that feeling of being "vulnerable." Whichever form of expansive sex you explore, the more aligned you are internally with desiring consistent and close intimacy, the more you'll find yourself with partners who are ready to offer it. Glad my thoughts are helpful for you. :)
 
Sorry, I had the sense that the OP isn't actually in a Dom/sub relationship, but that these intense episodes that leave her feeling vulnerable are just sort of happening in her liaisons without a formal kind of BDSM agreement.

This brings up the helpful point that by their very nature, D/S relationship sex and Tantric sex are deep and intense - for many people not a good mix with "casual" or "new partner." If you feel that these types of sex bring up a lot of "vulnerable" for you, 1234567, which they are intended to do, then you might consider reserving these experiences for partners with whom you feel a reciprocal, solid commitment.
 
I guess I'm still a bit puzzled by what vulnerability means to the OP. Subspace is definitely a very vulnerable state but so is very connected vanilla sex or being open about one's fears or any number of things. (Well at least those things are for me.)

Is being intimate (and I'm not conflating that with sex) the same as being vulnerable? Or does one require the other? I find personally that to be truly intimate requires a willingness to be vulnerable. And I sometimes have to be actually vulnerable to another in order to build intimacy.

I have learned that there are some 'shortcuts' to intimacy, that can create a faster path to intimacy. BDSM play is one of those ways for me. I have decided that I will no longer receive impact play from someone with whom I have no connection. Friendship is enough of a connection but I just can't do pick up or casual impact play. Oddly, perhaps, I'm fine with hitting willing people on a casual basis but giving impact play feels less vulnerable to me. Of course, it's better when I do have a connection. Hitting Glow is a different experience than hitting someone I don't know very well. Both are fun, but one is a deeper, more meaningful experience.

Anyway, this topic made me think!
 
Yes, Opalescent, I am also still not sure what the OP means when referring to the vulnerability, nor how they are interpreting their experiences.


Some of this has been boundaries that have been addressed, and hopefully fixed, with the polygroup dynamics.

1234567, what do you mean by "polygroup dynamics?" I'm trying to understand your situation but it isn't fully making sense to me. Your first post stated you are solo poly. If you are solo, what is this "polygroup?"

Are you dating within a network where everyone knows and are intimately involved with each other?

Or do you simply mean that you've informed each of your lovers of your boundaries independently and are referring to all of them as a "polygroup," though it is not a mutually-involved network?

Can you shed more light on how many people you are involved with, if they are involved with others in this "polygroup" or if each of your relationships is independent, and whether certain partners tend to provoke this feeling of vulnerability that keeps coming up for you? Not trying to be nosy - it would just be more helpful if we had a clearer picture of your situation.
 
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I think I am right where you are as a solo poly girl wondering if i can find a live in partner or a primary partner I guess. one reason i feel I really cant try something somewhat mono and move into poly is because I currently have many partners I don't want to stop seeing. even finding a mono relationship is hard and i would hate to let my other partners go just to fail in finding a relationship. if this helps at all I feel lost atm with my sexual situations.
 
Not with run of the mill vulnerability. But the aftermath of laying myself barer than I thought I could. Think- a really mind-blowing boundary stretching BDSM scene. Or a 60-orgasm-and-boy-were-they-intense sex session.

So you're talking about BDSM... I was SO CONFUSED! lol

I wish folks would put BDSM in their titles for these kinds of discussions. Why oh why do BDSM and polyamory get lumped together??
 
I think cause alot of the underlying feelings and issues are the same. Because there is alot of overlap. And the topic here doesn't seem to be BDSM.

Also I got the impression that OP is not currently engaging in a BDSM relationship, and not engaging in play, for the reasons stated in the original post. So although BDSM desires may be present it's not exactly BDSM- but rather about support in relationships, which is a relavent poly topic.

OP would have to confirm if my impression is correct, but that's what I got from reading the posts.
 
I think cause alot of the underlying feelings and issues are the same. Because there is alot of overlap.

"A lot" of underlying feelings and issues are the same between BDSM and polyamory?

There is clearly a lot of overlap, but I fail to see any meaningful reason for the correlation.

So although BDSM desires may be present it's not exactly BDSM- but rather about support in relationships, which is a relavent poly topic.

There is quite a bit of confusion about what the OP is actually talking about when they refer to "vulnerability" so I am going off of the fact that they seem to be talking in code, and specifically referencing BDSM in that code... so I arrived at the conclusion that they are talking about BDSM.
 
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