Sailing Solo

I sent my application today. Unless it is a lot more money, I won't do it.
Mum reminded me today of how kid friendly my current job is, I can pretty much flex it however I need it. That would be entirely lost with the new job. However, I am interested to see what they offer and what they are asking for.

I understand that I used to phrase, "no contact" incorrectly. NC is what happens after a break-up. Kip and I are in a "time-out." He broke it today, he sent a few IM pings, which I ignored, and then called, which I let go to VM, he asked me go on IM later to chat.
My big plan was to let Tuesday, end of time-out, slide on by without any contact. Seriously, when I think about what I deal with at work, breaking up with a cheater should be easy peasy. Boundaries of titanium everywhere except with men that I am dating.

I didn't text OKPea today. My work friend is staying with me for a while, so no opportunities to do much in the afternoons. I'll be surprised if OKPea gets in touch with me either.

I met with Prof for dinner, he has bought a different house ( the other one is still a possibility) which my now single and looking for accommodation work friend is interested in taking the lease for. Work friend and I are will be driving over to check it out tonight. We had a look online and work friend thinks the location is perfect and he would be in charge of vetting roomies to live with him, rather than trying to find a cheap place which would also allow his kids to visit. I know Prof would also prefer to hand over the house to someone else to run, he doesn't have the time to be an active landlord.

Prof talked about how felt he had let me down at the end of last year and had seriously been considering my complaints and that there have been big changes with S.
He said that S did not want to get a life expectancy time line from the doctor and has instead decided to live life to the fullest whilst she can. She initiated the following changes... they will be apart every third weekend, to allow weekends and overnights with other partners, which means the 16 hour rule and one date per week rules have been done away with. Wow!
I have no clear picture of how she is doing, on one hand she is apparently dating up a storm, and is very keen on one particular partner( which was what started the changes, she wants a trip with him) on the other hand, they are contemplating hospice care and/or a home visit nurse. I suppose it goes up and down depending on the treatment cycle.

He talked about the incident with B and how it was meant to be a fun idea and was a surprised I took it so harshly. Said he was very hurt when I broke-up with him, thought we were closer and more involved, I should have communicated my feelings better about the B thing. It's a lot to think about.

We are still in regular contact for various reasons and we did have a very fun quickie the other day.

OKE texted last night, I never even met him and I think 2 weeks between texts means I am bottom of the list. Erm, no.

A few short emails with another possibility.

Kind of ready to take a little time out from dating, till I get whatever sorted out.
 
Roomie met Prof last night and they talked house. The house is gorgeous, wish I could afford it, in an fabulous location too. Prof offered Roomie an amazing break on the rent for the first 6 months, after that it goes back up to market value. This gives Roomie time to take care over who he rents too and doesn't have to rush to get people in quickly. Also, getting into the master suite will allow him to have his 2 kids over. He was getting very stressed about that. To say that Roomie is impressed with Prof is an understatement, positively raving after Prof left. Fingers crossed it all goes to plan and Roomie will move in Feb 1st.

I texted OKPea, who was quick to respond, we are meeting sometime tomorrow, after work for me, before work for him.

One OKC email line fizzled but another opened, much closer. I get all interested again when I have a kid free weekend coming up :)
 
OKPea and I rescheduled for the weekend. I have been swamped at work and needed to get home and do some things before meeting Prof. There would have been less than hour before he had to go.
Yes, Prof and I are seeing each other again. We had a fun dinner and I had a cocktail, fair enough it was a double, but I was really quite trashed. Pathetically low tolerance for alcohol. :eek: but there was some really great sex last night and this morning.
Kip is fading away. We chat a bit online but less and less, I am happier to let it go that way. I can't bring myself to do it any other way. I adore him and miss him. I am peeling the band-aid off slowly, sometimes it is better that way. I don't want to feel a sharp rip. He still wants to meet. I think I would have no self-control if we did. I am sad.
I told Prof that I couldn't do the house share thing, he said that was fine as the couple said they couldn't do the small child thing. So everyone is happy :)
Classes start again in a week or so. I am dreading it. I am beyond overloaded at work. But apparently one loses one's loan if you have more than 45 days between classes. I found that out today when I got notice that my loan had been cancelled, thanks for telling me class councellors! So I have to just pound through the rest of it.
 
Roomie is meeting with Prof to try and secure the house, I am waiting for the text. I told Roomie not to stress it if it doesn't work out. I am not going to kick him out anytime soon.

Prof has asked for Saturday night, of course I have the kids this weekend :rolleyes: but we will discuss it later. Possibly doing having little time on Thurs night and then Sat if I can get a sitter. 2 official dates in one week.

I got a whammy child care drop-in bill from December, when ex was flaking, so I am not feeling very inclined to pay for a sitter, but I appreciate that he is making the Saturday night effort for me.

We are meeting in a while for him to help me pick out new bikes for the kids, oldest is getting birthday money from the grandparents which should cover both of them. I am looking forward to getting us all out on an easy bike path this weekend. I used to bike all over the place until they got too heavy to haul in the trailer. Don't think a trip to the store with kids counts as a date :)

I had a not very good OKC date on Friday, Ce'st la vie. OKPea rescheduled from Sat to Sun and then cancelled, so done with that.
Been IMing with Kip a little, no contact over the weekend. He is too busy at work to meet, and I am not asking. It's ok, getting easier.
 
Prof is still not confirming if Roomie has got the house. No-one else turned up to the open house, no other applications at this point. Prof and Roomie had over an hour to chat, so fingers crossed. Prof wants to check references etc, I told Roomie he should have put me down, haha.

Interesting position to be involved in this. Roomie is so excited and wants it done, but Prof has his set way and order of doing things and is not likely to deviate or skip. I am in no way pressuring or even bringing it up with Prof, I let him initiate the conversation if he wants to. I am involved with texting for meetings as Prof does not like to give out his phone number. Prof did mention it would be nice to get back to coming round to my house again. I replied that I would like that too.

Then Prof met me and the munchkins for bike shopping, there weren't any, but we ate samples and sat and had pizza with the kids. Kid #2 didn't recognize Prof. I forget that #2 is always asleep but #1 gets to say hi when Prof comes round. It was sweet and funny, both kids are enthusiastic chatters and Prof is good with them, bit of a domesticated scene.

So I booked a sitter, can't really bitch and moan about no weekend nights then not come through. It is an event activity which will be great fun. Roomie might be in the new house on Saturday which means we could have some fun in my bed for a change.
Prof had misread a meeting time, the thought he was going to be late on Thursday but in fact will be in town, so we can get an early start, BD play, local activity and then dinner and overnight. All declared and above board.

We had a bit of a talk about BD play rules, we were not in agreement about what is close to the edge and what is not. I called "Red" in the last 2 play sessions. We haven't played in a couple of months and what with the other issues, play was off the table for a while. It was time to get a few things cleared up before we play again.
I say he should know when it is getting close to being enough, we use yellow and numbers 1-10 as check ins. He says he wants to get to 10, edge play, so I need to l raise the numbers faster. Anyway, we ended up agreeing on "no bruising" which sets a clear limit to start. I rather prefer the sensation play, I like to float off, or hard fucking and aggression. I do not want to be thinking about numbers and colors. He has an amazing selection of whips, floggers, paddles, and super sensation play gear, even an electricity thingy. But his favorite is a cane, and it hurts, I have come not to like it at all. Enough that I clearly stated if we couldn't get the levels sorted then I wasn't going to play anymore. Do not imagine he goes bat shit crazy or anything, but if we can't communicate effectively on this then best to leave it alone. Or, aha, idea strikes, just ban the cane! Why didn't I think of that before, d'oh.
Kip, Kip, Kip, sex was always great and easy. The perfect combination of biting, spanking, pulling, hard, fast, slow, we had safe words too, but I never used them. He is the master at reading where you are at and what to do next. Always seemed natural and effortless. I miss sex with Kip, a lot.
I miss Kip on the whole really.
Edited to add: I miss what I imagined him to be.
 
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Prof is taking me to see the house this evening. I am looking forward to having a nosy, I keep trying to make the numbers work in my head, so that I could move in with Roomie but I want to start repaying my student loan asap, so conclusion has to be no.

Prof has still not given Roomie his decision yet and I am getting a little frustrated on Roomie's behalf. Maybe I will get a hint tonight.

I read an interesting blog article on "Casual Love," I'll try to find the link again. The basic thrust was saying "I love you," doesn't have to be a big thing and it doesn't have to have expectations attached. I liked that idea, I sometimes wonder if I am capable of "Serious Love,"( in the romantic sense) and now I find there is an alternative, casual love. I love, but there are no expectations. Valentine's Day, make you think!

I had my heart broken once, the sad song, not eating, pining away, kind of deal. I was 23. It seems like a lifetime ago. I haven't grieved the loss of a romantic love like that since. It was a sudden break-up, I didn't see it coming, there was nothing I could do to fix it.

Must run...house viewing.
 
Wow! A fabulous night as planned by Prof.
I had forgotten that I had suggested christening every room in the new house. Prof went with the idea....there was champagne and glasses, truffles, blanket, towels, fun BD gear, candles and the most perfect item for break-time, tea :D I was beyond touched at the effort, truly.
So the flashy sports car, garage, living room in front of the fire, dining room, kitchen, stairs, downstairs bathroom, master bedroom and master closet. The closet was the most fun. He disappeared and set up the closet as a mini-play room with candles and the gear. We were there for about 3 hours, then back to his place for some tv and more sex. He had to bring me home this morning as I was car-less, all in all the perfect date.
And yes, Roomie got the house!
I did a Goodwill run and got a bunch of kitchen stuff ( I tend to not collect stuff so didn't have much at all to pass on) and a new electric kettle and went over to help him set up until the kids got too riotous and we came home.
 
Let's start with you "Oh no you, you didn't".

I went to file my taxes online today and my federal got kicked back as someone else was claiming the kids as dependents. There will be no phone call and discussion with the ex over this, he did what he did. I will mail all my court documents ( I went in and got copies stamped ) with my return tomorrow and let the IRS deal with him. I knew I was right but I did check the IRS website just to confirm...he has no standing whatsoever, either as custodial parent or having them the majority of the time. Big documented court ordered NOs to both of those. Bummer is my check will be held up.

Had a fun official second date with Prof on Saturday. He sent of few sweet and sexy texts whilst out of town. We are also looking at setting up an FMF with his friend, I will meet her next week I think.

Class is interesting, some very intense reading, and back to trundling around hallways looking for answers. I quite enjoy doing that part, gets me out of the office and meet different people.

Interesting job is coming up in July but I need to get my classes finished first, bit of a tall order but I am going for it!

Had a Kip chat yesterday, he wanted to meet. I explained why that wouldn't work. He reiterated that most of the stuff was online and he did bad by not being honest. I said we could still meet for lunch or tennis and keep in contact. He said he had stopped seeing IVY ( the nurse), they met twice (he told me once) not because I was asking but because he offered the info. Apparently she had a wild weekend in Vegas and he didn't like the number of partners. He says he never met the flight attendant and wanted to keep seeing me and of course continue with online stuff. I said he was free to do whatever he wanted. I had to stop at that point, things to do.
Much easier letting go with time and space in between.
 
Wednesday night was fairly quiet due to me having a headache, we pretty much were in and out of bed all afternoon and evening. Lots of sex ,cuddles and chatting. I told Prof I was the human equivalent of Ambien to him, naps and early nights. He said it worked for him as his life was so hectic, it gives him a chance to catch up and rest.
We talked a lot about sex, I had taken a fairly strong pain killer and was a bit fuzzy and very relaxed. Some of it was old ground and some new. We discussed what was good sex, he said he he enjoyed me because of the openness to try new things and that he had got to explore his kink much more than before. He said I was the reason he booked the original set of classes with the Pro-Domme; I thought he had discussed it with S before but I could be confused. He has booked a training weekend with the same Pro-Domme for March and wants me to go with him to one of the days and wear the tennis outfit. :D It is a group training, which makes me a little nervous, talking to people, funny that it the issue, not getting half-naked and being whipped!
I keep thinking that he was well on the kink track before I met him. He said he wanted to be but hadn't done too much about it, had a few basics and played a bit. All the furniture purchases and many of the toy purchases were got with me in mind. It is nice to be flattered a little, especially when one is feeling crappy.
I have an OKC date lined up for a couple of weeks time. We chatted on the phone, the dude was asking some very in depth relationship type questions, which I said I wasn't comfortable discussing over the phone. Am I friendly with my ex? :rolleyes:Why did we get divorced?

Speaking of which, I got my copies of various documents stamped at the court and sent off my tax return via mail.
And I am going to start rounding up the paperwork to take to a lawyer to get the divorce rolling again. I needed to get something else filed first which I also did this week .
 
Wonderful having Sis and BIL out for a quick visit.
No school for the kids today so we got to spend the day together, IHOP for brunch and a nice restaurant for dinner, which involved a lovely walk first. The kids were so well behaved, I was quite the proud parent. I stocked a bag with activities for dinner and we all got played, colored, ate and laughed a lot. Oldest has a great Spot the Difference book, it is simple black and white line drawings but some of them are really tough. BIL was laughing that Prof and I have multiple degrees between us and still got stuck on a book for 3-8 year olds! BIL is great fun and the kids loved him, gave me and Sis some time for chat.
I am sorry that they are leaving so quickly, just 2 nights, then off to do some touristy things.
Parents have said that they will slow down the visits to once a year now, the long haul is starting to get too much :( I can't book a flight for next year as Ex has priority in choosing dates and thoroughly enjoys messing things up.
I am very fortunate that I have such a loving family even if we are so far apart.
 
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I met Prof's occasional partner L, last night. I totally forgot that we had planned to met and discuss the fmf. She is quite lovely, very bubbly and chatty, very open about her experiences in the swing community and her main partner. It was very interesting hearing her speak.
I like listening to people talk, and while I beat myself up about being reserved socially, much of it is that I love to hear what other people have to say. She did say to me at one point that I was very quiet and not what she expected. She was busy showing Prof her bikini wax and putting his hand up her skirt. Yup, I am more restrained than that :)
While Prof was at the bathroom, she asked if she could bring her other partner to the fmf, I said she would need to ask Prof that, as to me, this is his fantasy event.
We agreed on some of the details, a swanky hotel, nice restaurant, fancy clothes and that I was not into the ff option. She said that she was open to it.
I have said to Prof before that he might be better off asking one of his bi friends to be other f with L, but he said no, he wants his first fmf to be with me. Bit strange as he has said he would very much enjoy watching some ff action and said he would love that to be part of the meeting. Anyhoo, it is all set up and I am looking forward to it.
S apparently lifted the restriction on meeting metamours and met Prof's other ocassional partner. Apparently it went well and he said there was no "bitchiness". Interesting that I met L and there were no concerns there. S sounds like a bit of hard work.
 
The BD play event that is happening next month might not be happening for me after all.
S wants to go now after initially saying she didn't. Prof thinks she is too unwell, she naps a lot and tires easily. The event is for 9 hours each day and will be quite physically tiring for the subs. S says if she can't go, he can't go. Hopefully they will work something out, but even if they do, there will be 3 subs for 2 days. I don't know if the subs can split a shift. We'll see what they come up with over the weekend. I will offer to step aside if it looks like turning into an issue. We have been having some really good play sessions recently, got the pain level issue sorted out. While I was really looking forward it, there will be other events.

I had an OKC date last night, I wrote a little about in the Fireplace section. All went really well until I said that I didn't want to be walked all the way to my car, a personal safety thing. He took offense and that was the end of that.
 
I sent Prof a text saying I would step aside from the event if S wanted to go. It's his special thing and I don't want it to turn into a stress for him. He asked me to go on the Saturday which would probably be the day she would want to go. Best to make it easy for him.
 
S wants to go both days or nobody goes.
Prof is clear that I would enjoying going but would not be upset if I couldn't. He is annoyed that she hasn't done the 2 hour session but is insisting she can handle 6 hours and then 8 hours of subbing. I listened but didn't offer opinion, it is between them.
 
Lots of Prof. Monday evening and Tuesday evening.
We had the 3way on Friday night. Interesting experience, not sure I would do fmf again. We had a super fun dinner, 2 bottles of champagne, Prof got both of us a dozen red roses and choccies too.
We all arrived back at Prof's and they both said they were incredibly nervous and excited. I hadn't hd time to think about it and was calm and relaxed. I wanted to follow their lead.
Then back to his, we had some BD play, I did not like seeing him spank and hit her. I thought it looked painful even though she enjoyed it. To clarify, I would not enjoy seeing anyone get spanked or hit, nothing to with the fact it was Prof. I can't watch movies with what I call "real violence" Fight Club or things like that.
into the bed. L was interested in some girl play, asked very respectfully, I declined, she had already asked at dinner and I said probably not and clarified that Prof should have told her that already, which he had. I think she was a little offended. There was hugging and caressing and holding hands.
I think I found it more interesting and a bit weird than anything else. Seeing your partner play with another partner, I am really very quiet. She was quite loud with moaning and requests and talked a lot. I thought Prof was impatient with her at times, I haven't seen that side of him before. I think she felt left out at points, maybe jealous, and walked off for "breaks" quite a lot. I wasn't jealous at all and would redirect Prof to her. I think she found it hard to be around me as I am so quiet, I did try to reassure her that I was fine and happy and I thought she was beautiful and sexy. She left around 12, although I thought we were all spending the night. As she left she said, " he doesn't need me, he has you."
more later...
 
Popped over to see Roomie and discussed it a little more. Clarified a few things in my head. All in all it was fun and L sent Prof some texts in the morning saying she had fun. Roomie said I need to stop worrying about and putting other people's emotions before mine and whatever had upset her she needed to work it out with Prof. Sage advice :)
So that was Friday night and Saturday morning. I came home for an hour and then headed back out to meet my friends for lunch. It turned into most of the day, very lovely.
Prof scootered over at 5pm and we went to the DMV parking lot to practice. I went out on the road by myself!!!!! It was round a quiet residential area, but I did really well, stopped at the stop signs and didn't stall once :) did some left turns too. Came back here and Prof took the scooter keys of the key ring and said he was leaving it with me the week while he was out of town. EEEK. Do not be imaging this is a modern light automatic scooter. It is old, very heavy and quirky with clutch gears, choke and kick starter. I took it out the gym this morning, I was shaking like a leaf when I got there, I had to go on the main road, but relaxed more on the way home.
I had another night at Prof's and he made a fab breakfast in bed this morning. We spent the majority of the weekend together. 2 evenings and 2 over nights this week, but I won't see him next at all next week.
I feel like this weekend was a real break, but I do need to go and work on my class :)
 
No Prof tonight or tomorrow, he is out of town till the weekend. Just as well as I have a ton of reading to do...dum dee dum, distract myself with reading forums :rolleyes:
Not much to report, been chatting with Kip online. He is good at responding to my class questions.
Been emailing someone on OKC, he seems very nice, distance could be a bit much, but I need to be more open to travelling to meet folks and he is in the opposite direction of the road I hate to drive.
A few other messages but nothing too interesting yet.
 
Nice emails with OKguy. Meeting next Friday, details to be decided :)
 
I think I am meeting OKguy tonight, if my friend agrees to sit, she said she would. I don't want to pay for a sitter for a first meet.
We moved onto texting and been chatting away, which makes me want to meet quicker, see if there is a connection in real life and not waste time if there isn't.
I saw Kip yesterday, my idea.
It was wonderful and amazing, I flew away. No safe words, no numbers, just someone who reads where you are and takes you up or brings you down. There is a difference between being skilled and being skilled and talented. He is skilled and talented. Aggressive and dominant because he is and because he knows that's what I love. Never a worry that the pain becomes more than the pleasure, no ouch that hurts. Wrists gripped, arms pinned, hair pulled, gentle kisses, hugs, hard scratching and biting, knowing where and when is what lifts it up to being a whole body and mind escape. I wanted and needed to be gone in sensation, that is what he does for me. Physical and mental surrender. For those couple of hours I got to forget it all and just live, no thinking, only feeling.
 
I meet OKguy. I had a very pleasant evening, very smart man, well travelled and quite good looking.
We met halfway and ended up having dinner. My recollections of the place were different but it had been 9 years. I thought there was more of a bar and snacks, it was definitely more of a restaurant.
We chatted about all sorts and pretty much stayed off relationships and dating which was nice.
No mention of a second date and no attempt to kiss or hug in the car park. I am kind of glad about the kissing and hugging part. I find it a bit peculiar to hug someone you just met.
I would like to see him again but I didn't get the vibe that he was terribly interested on the other hand I think he is a bit reserved, like someone I know very well :rolleyes: and maybe just like to go and have a think about it first.
 
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