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Old 08-31-2011, 05:21 PM
IrisAwakened's Avatar
IrisAwakened IrisAwakened is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 69
Default Husband Doesn't Believe I am Poly!

If there is one thing my marriage is, it is honest and open. My husband is a wonderful man whom I am deeply in love with. Over the past few months I have been having Poly conversations with him. While he is very mono, and can accept the idea of poly, he can't accept that I might be poly (I have yet to explore this).

When it was hypothetical, he was fine with the idea, but when I nearly fell for a guy, it freaked him right out. I told him that this impulse or desire of mine to have multiple partners doesn't seem to be going away and perhaps we need to start thinking about long term possibilities, that I might be poly. We "argued", in between playing footsie and telling jokes (we really are laid back people), about what makes a person poly. His argument is that they can help it, it is not a condition that is thrust upon someone and they must follow it. I relented that yes, they can help it, but so can a gay person. We all have control over our actions, but our happiness is not best forced. After circular agruments of my side (deep intimate love means sex too) and his side (deep intimate love is fine, as long as there is no sex, one doesn't mean the other should be included). I understand and respect his position, and I apologized for figuring this out after the marital contract has been made (5 yrs ago).

On the up side we both talked about the possibilities of divorce and neither of us want to even go there, that we can work this out without breaking up. It is a good sign. He even relented to let me email the guy I really liked and let him know what I was thinking, which was a big awesome sign that he is willing to work with me to an extent.

The issue:

He thinks HE is the problem, that he is lacking somehow, no matter how much we read the opposite (in xeromag) together! He can't fathom that this has something to do with me, with who I am and what my needs and desires are. What I need to know is, how can I convince him that this is me, and not him? Any suggestions and resources would be wondrous!
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coming out poly, coming out., open, opening

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