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Old 08-31-2011, 02:12 PM
chandelierlake chandelierlake is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1
Default NRE, sex, and jealousy

Hey there!

So, my partner and I decided to become polyamorous about a year ago. Up until now, it's only involved us making out with mutual friends...nothing too serious. Within the past few weeks, though, my girlfriend has met someone and they've become pretty close. They're going on dates, and it's moving pretty quickly. It's kind of been sprung on me unexpectedly, and I'm doing my best to handle it, but occasionally I will just fall off the deep end. I've done it once or twice in front of my girlfriend and I really hurt her feelings, so I've been trying to take care of my issues on my own or at least with a friend.

So, here's the situation that is bothering me the most. My girlfriend has been in somewhat of a "funk" for quite a while, and we've put sex on hold. I've been fine with that - I obviously don't want to do anything with her unless she totally wants to do it as well. I've got plenty of practical knowledge and logically, I know how I should be thinking about this situation. Despite that, I can't help but feel incredibly threatened by their new relationship energy. My partner came home from a date late last night and was so excited. She told me that they had been somewhat physical - just shy of actually having sex. I was dropping her off when she told me, so I said I was really happy for her and asked a few more questions about their evening. When she got out of the car, though, I totally lost it. I had to pull over I was crying so hard. It's not that I care that they are doing those things together, it's that we AREN'T doing them. I suggested that we go on a date tomorrow night, and we make it a weekly occurence. Just to check in, reconnect, etc.

I guess, in sum, that I am having trouble separating the intense excitement of their new, month-long relationship from the stablility of our three-year relationship. I am assigning more value to that honeymoon period that we haven't been in in almost two years than I am to all the things we've built together. It's just really hard when we're not being physically intimate. My biggest fear is that they will start having sex and not tell me, or even that they will tell me but we won't have sex still.

I don't know what my question is, per se. I was mostly wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar, and if so, if you have any suggestions? We communicate really well, so any ideas would be incredibly welcome. Thanks for reading my novel, haha.
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