Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-29-2011, 09:14 PM
FancyDancy FancyDancy is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2
Question Less interested in sex with SO; does this happen often during strong NRE for another?

I am still sexually attracted to my husband and we've been together for a long time (over 8 years), but I've noticed that I don't have nearly as strong of urges to want to have sex with him as I used to since I started a recent relationship that is full of NRE. Is this normal? I love him and I want to stay with him. Is the best course of action to just keep fucking my husband's brains out until the NRE is weaker with OSO? How do you all deal with these feelings if they have happened to you? He said that he feels like he's been the only one initiating recently (which is the opposite of what it was in the past). I just never have the urge to initiate, but I have fun when we are actually in the moment. I've been trying, but it definitely doesn't just happen on it's own like it used to. What do you all think about this? We have only had a non-monogamous relationship for about 5 months. The deepest of my other relationships has been going on for about 2 (though we were good friends for over a year before we dated, so the emotional connection was already there) and we are sexually intimate, but no full on intercourse yet. By the way, we are all in our mid-to-late-20s for context.

Last edited by FancyDancy; 08-29-2011 at 09:17 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-29-2011, 10:11 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyDancy View Post
Is this normal?
It's not terribly uncommon. You're prolly a little giddy over the "new car smell", the "fancy-new-shiny". It happens to the best of us.

Recommendation: Deliberately cultivate newness with your long term partner. Do stuff that makes it fresh and new between you, and enjoin him in the effort as well. Go out on dates, as if you are new lovers; try new sexual activities (outdoors in warm weather is fun! [watch for flies]) Stuff like that.
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-29-2011, 10:29 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyDancy View Post
Is the best course of action to just keep fucking my husband's brains out until the NRE is weaker with OSO?
Dunno if that's the best course of action, but that's what I'm doing!

I've also been with my husband for 8 years, and I have a sort of way of thinking of this. Sex is still actually objectively better with my husband, once it gets going. We know each other's spots. He can get me off more easily. I can be more unreserved, especially with dirty talk. We can cuddle all night and whisper sweet nothings afterwards. BUT with the husband, it takes that extra effort to get the engine going, because it's an older car.

I made an effort to initiate things with my husband because I didn't want him to feel neglected when I had something hot going on on the side. I didn't just make sure to initiate sex, but initiated other affectionate gestures. A little marital grope during housework never goes amiss. When he fixes things in our house, I call him a hot handyman and request that he wear a toolbelt. Just so he can feel nice and objectified.

Try it! It becomes a habit. Don't tell my husband, but I did have to "fake it until I made it" for a little while. Not faking orgasms--just faking enthusiasm in initiating. But those lovin' feelings come back with practice! (Sometimes it helped me to think during sex about what a slut I was, having sex with all these men, but hey, don't know if that'll work for you.)

Sex with the piece on the side, on the other hand, has a different vibe to it. Oh god I want him so desperately that just kissing him starts liquid gushing out of me and running down my legs. I hum with desire when we touch. I spend actual hours thinking about his beautiful penis. This is my biological response at its best, so I just enjoy because I know this feeling won't last forever.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-29-2011, 10:33 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyDancy View Post
Is the best course of action to just keep fucking my husband's brains out until the NRE is weaker with OSO?
Yes.

Caveat: There is nothing that says you can't fantasize about OSO when you're fucking your husband.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-29-2011, 10:50 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,288
Default

Desire naturally ebbs and flows in any long-term relationship. I don't see anything to worry about.



And might I add, I often use the phrase "fuck [someone's] brains out" and people tease me about it, so I had to laugh when I read your post.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-29-2011, 11:00 PM
JuliaGay's Avatar
JuliaGay JuliaGay is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Tacoma/Tucson (long story)
Posts: 75
Default

I'll third or fourth these comments. Initiating with any long term partner can become a problem for me. Having a new partner often allows me to do better in that department because I have all this extra sexual energy flowing.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-30-2011, 02:59 AM
justlost's Avatar
justlost justlost is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rocky Mtn. Front Range
Posts: 38
Default

Neon-
I just had to ask... does that really seem right to you?

I mean ... hell I don't know what I mean but it just seems wrong and if I ever though Khas was doing that with me I think it would break the little pieces that are left in my heart into ash...

so I guess if anyone has to follow the advice of your caveat they should keep in mind that is one of those things that you never never never tell anyone.... ever....

just my 2cents
__________________
Dance in the rain...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-30-2011, 03:29 AM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194
Default

Fantasies aren't right or wrong... people think of all sorts of things during sex. That's the beauty of our brains!

But no, it's not good etiquette to tell your parter you were thinking of someone else, unless you think that might turn them on too.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-30-2011, 03:41 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,288
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by justlost View Post
that is one of those things that you never never never tell anyone.... ever....
Unless the idea really gets your partner off. For lots of people, talking about your fantasies while fucking is HAWT!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-30-2011, 05:01 AM
justlost's Avatar
justlost justlost is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rocky Mtn. Front Range
Posts: 38
Default

Fantasies sure.. I was referring to the idea of thinking if one lover in order to perform with the other.

I mean if you don't want to fuck me because you really want to then don't.

Weird this brings up a lot for me, guess its back to my blasted journal
__________________
Dance in the rain...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
emotions, feelings, loss of desire, marriage, new to polyamory, nre, sex, sexual energy

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:34 AM.