Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 10-26-2009, 12:30 AM
nalena nalena is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 11
Default

LR-- Where do I start.. I am not quite sure, but the "slap in the face" did wake me up today. I never knew how much my issues and problems affected others. I know that sounds strange and bad, but I really had no clue.

I am going to seriously think about what I need to do over the next few weeks. I know I am going to at least finish this term, we are at the half way point and I am doing okay with grades and making one more good term will help me later in life.

Thank you again, both you and Maca for caring about me. I will update more later, still have more papers to write. 3 a week, 1 page per question, 3-5 questions a day, for 5 more weeks.

<<hugs>> to all you
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-26-2009, 01:27 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,077
Default

I can't begin to advise you on where to start. Because THAT would be the one thing I am REALLY REALLY good at fucking up. (seriously not sarcastic at all).

But I can tell you-the key to finding happiness is to stop, drop, roll and then get back up.

I was reading something somewhere (probably on here but heck if I know which thread) recently that fits. Not sure how to quote it.

Here are some random thoughts:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (not the beholded).

When you love someone-they become beautiful to you.

An insecure person and a secure person have the same lifestyle.

They both are focused and diligently practice (EVERY DAY) being who they are.
The insecure person focuses on every single one of their faults, failures and weaknesses and becomes more insecure.
The secure person focuses on every single one of their gifts, accomplishments and strengths and becomes a more secure person.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON-EVERY SINGLE DAY chooses to be either secure-or insecure by choosing what to focus on.

IF you are secure but want to be insecure-all you have to do is change what you are practicing from focuses on every single one of their gifts, accomplishments and strengths
to focuses on every single one of their faults, failures and weaknesses.
Same goes the other way.

You are insecure-unsure of yourself and you don't like your life.
So-stop this behavior:

The insecure person focuses on every single one of their faults, failures and weaknesses and becomes more insecure.


And START this behavior:

The secure person focuses on every single one of their gifts, accomplishments and strengths and becomes a more secure person.


It really is-that simple.

You've said that you don't like being told how you fail (I am not getting to specific because you didn't say it HERE).

So Nalena-STOP LISTENING.

Look the dumbass in the face and say "I'm sorry but I don't tolerate abusive, degrading treatment. I might have in the past, but I don't any longer. You can stop now, regroup your thoughts and say something productive, kind, caring and intelligent-or shut the fuck up."
If he continues-leave. Seriously.

No-I'm not kidding. In all the times Maca and I have struggled through-and God knows we've been through some serious shit. But through all of that we've never ever ever spoken to one another the way you've described. Because no matter how mad you are-no one has the right to degrade another person-hell I (and he) went off on another thread about that on this board just today and the person wasn't speaking to either of us!


No point dropping school-can't disagree on that. But don't be stupid about it-don't let "finishing the semester" become putting it all off again "until the next time".
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:31 AM
nalena nalena is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Southern Oregon
Posts: 11
Default

<quote>An insecure person and a secure person have the same lifestyle.

They both are focused and diligently practice (EVERY DAY) being who they are.
The insecure person focuses on every single one of their faults, failures and weaknesses and becomes more insecure.
The secure person focuses on every single one of their gifts, accomplishments and strengths and becomes a more secure person. <quote>

I totally understand this. I am good at being the insecure person, which I know you and Maca know. I am trying to work on becoming more secure with myself. It has been a real hard last couple of years. I should have taken your offer over 5 years ago. But I was scared. Still am. The main thing I am scared about is my husband finding me and hurting, not only me, but who ever I am with also. You and Maca have given me alot of things to think about over the next month or so. Thanks for being a friend. It is what I truly need.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:40 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,077
Default

Nalena-without getting into details.
No man-NO MAN ON EARTH is going to walk into my house and hurt anyone. ANYONE.

I understand why someone whose lived in an abusive relationship for so long could have doubts-BELIEVE ME I get it.
But I'm not kidding-any of hte 5 adults in this house would simply pick up the rifle and resolve the whole business.

Coming here may or may not be the answer. But continuing to allow yourself to be abused is not only hurting you AND it's teaching your daughter that it's ok to allow yourself to be abused-so you will be looking forward to son-in-law who does the same, to your baby..........

Keep your head up-or pick your head up. Stop letting yourself wallow in self-pity. EVERY situation in life can be changed-we jsut have to DECIDE to take a chance.
Watch the movie Kate and Leopold OVER AND OVER until you have the balls to jump off the bridge my dear! (bridge is a movie reference not a jerk).
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:44 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
I can echo SC's words.....I maybe rushed the threesome, before repairing my own marriage, and that didn't work so well. We are under repair currently and the threesome is starting to flourish more. Just sayin'......
Hey, it's Mark!! Hi my friend!...ummmm and Nalena!!
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:54 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,077
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Hey, it's Mark!! Hi my friend!...ummmm and Nalena!!
Um... mono??????
What the heck does that mean? I'm so damn lost now!
steps away to scratch my head.... waiting for reply.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:55 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,077
Default

Ok sorry-I get it now-had to reread. SORRYYYYYYYY MONO!!!!!!!!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:56 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Ok sorry-I get it now-had to reread. SORRYYYYYYYY MONO!!!!!!!!
Heehee...I only quoted and responded to this to tease you
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 10-26-2009, 03:57 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,077
Default

That will teach me to read ONLY the current post but not the quote. Giggle Giggle Giggle!!!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 10-26-2009, 04:13 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Hey, it's Mark!! Hi my friend!...ummmm and Nalena!!
Hi Mark!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:13 PM.